Cherry Blossom Winter~ To Lack, To Find

The next morning Kyung Soo woke up with a start to his alarm set for 9:00 am. He looked around. JongIn was still asleep and Kyung Soo was still on the ground. Although at first, confused as to why he was on the floor, he soon recalled the happenings of the night before through the throbbing pain in his hand.

He looked to his hand because of said numb throbbing pain, and saw that it wasn’t bandaged the way he had bandaged it last night, with his half assed slapped on band aid care. It was bandaged properly with a gauze wrap that extended from right above his wrist to his fingertips, leaving his thumb free. The wrapping was remarkable. After examining his cared-for hand he looked around for Bom but she was not there. The bed where she had been sleeping was perfectly made, however, and it looked 100 times better than how Kyung Soo usually leaves it.

Kyung Soo’s alarm went off again, and he went to turn it off. He saw he had a message from Bom. It read: “Good morning! Thank you for last night. I can explain everything. Hope you hand feels better~~”

So Bom re-bandaged his hand. It figured. She had bandaged up his injury last time. Kyung Soo then sat o the edge of his freshly made bed and examined his bandaged hand yet again, smiling as he turned and rotated it to see all of the bandaged hand.

“What are you smiling at?” JongIn snidely asked. Kyung Soo looked over to see JongIn squinting at him questioningly. “It’s way too early for anyone to be smiling at anything,” JongIn completed, laughing a little bit. That was the kind of friendship these two had, able to be a bit ill-mannered or even rude with each other and then laugh about it.

Kyung Soo smiled at JongIn. “Yah! Mind your own business and get dressed.” Kyung Soo turned back to his hand and then to his phone. He went to reply to Bom’s message: “Thanks for bandaging my hand making the bed~~ No need to explain anything. It’s your own business.. you don’t have to tell me.”

Kyung Soo pressed the send button and went to the bathroom to get ready for the day. After 20 minutes he had finished brushing his teeth and showering. He put the sweatpants and shirt he had brought with him into the bathroom on and put the towel over his head as he walked out the door to dry it. As he opened the door to his and JongIn’s bedroom he grabbed one side of the towel and began to dry the side of his head. He returned to find JongIn looking at his phone.
JongIn looked up. “What are you doing?” Kyung Soo asked in horror.

“Nothing…” JongIn said setting the phone down and backing away with his hands up in a surrender position. “Your phone kept going off when you were in the shower, that’s all,” JongIn finished, sitting on his bed.

Kyung Soo still didn’t want JongIn, or anyone going through his phone, but he still inquired further without anger. “How many times?”

“I dunno… A couple…” JongIn said. Kyung Soo looked at JongIn menacingly and JongIn continued. “Maybe like twice or three times.”

Kyung Soo picked up the other side of the towel around his neck and continued drying the other side of his head and at the same time picked up his phone to take a look.

“So, who’s Bom?” JongIn asked from behind Kyung Soo. “Is that the girl from yesterday?” Kyung Soo slowly turned around to face JongIn. They looked at each other for a second in silence. “Is that who you’ve been going out to see and spending hours with?” More silence followed.

“Yeah.” Kyung Soo finally answered. He looked down at his phone to see that there were two messages from Bom and one from his mother. Had JongIn seen the messages? Kyung Soo quickly opened the messages.

The first one from Bom read: “Can we meet up?”

Then the second one read: “I need to talk to you, how about the park bench at two pm?”

The third message, the one from his mother, read: “Good luck on your comeback stage on M!Countdown tonight honey! Your dad and I will be watching!”

Shit. That’s tonight isn’t it. That means Kyung Soo and the group would be busy all day, preparing. He wouldn’t be able to meet with Bom.

“That won’t work. I’m sorry. I have a performance—” Kyung Soo stopped. Bom didn’t know he was an idol. He didn’t want to confuse her or alarm her (or tell her) so he erased performance. “…I have a previous engagement today. It’ll take all day, pretty much. I can maybe after. It would be late though…” It wouldn’t be that late compared to other times Kyung Soo had met with Bom but based on Bom’s job he assumed that she’d probably be busy with that at the time the show got over.

Then Kyung Soo replied to his mother. “Eomma, Kamsahamnida~ Please anticipate it and I won’t disappoint you!”

He then turned back to JongIn. “Do you like her or something?” JongIn asked.

“I don’t know” Kyung Soo answered. And it was true. He didn’t know. Lately, he felt like he really dint know anything. All he really knew was that whenever he was with Bom or doing anything that concerned Bom, he didn’t over-think things. He didn’t even think things through at all. He purely acted on instinct or whatever it was. It was such a new sensation to Kyung Soo and he wasn’t willing to give it up quite yet. “All I know is that I can’t stop thinking about her” was the answer he gave JongIn instead.

Kyung Soo checked the weather on his phone really quickly and then went to the wardrobe to pick out his outfit for the day. It was going to be unseasonably cold that day so Kyung Soo decided accordingly. He picked out some medium wash skinny jeans with slight rips at the knees and a yellow pull-over sweatshirt. He set the garments on his bed and looked back at JongIn who was still watching him.

“She’s different… some sort of different,” Kyung Soo said sighing at the fact that he still had to explain himself.

At this point the door was open from when Kyung Soo re-entered after his shower. Kris had walked by and overheard. He peaked his head in. “Who’s different?” He backed himself back into the doorway and stood there leading on the frame. “Who’s captured our little Kyung Soo’s heart?”

“No one.” Kyung Soo stated seriously.

Kris shrugged and walked away mumbling “Alright, alright,” and JongIn followed, out of the room. Kyung Soo was left alone. This would be the peace he was often looking for, but his mind was cluttered with thoughts of Bom, so even silent peace all by himself wasn’t peaceful. Great. Kyung Soo thought to himself. Just great.

After Kyung Soo was finished getting ready, he went to the kitchen to get some food. He found the fridge was empty, save some milks. He checked the cupboards and all he found there were bowls, plates, and cereal. Ugh. His stomach growled loudly. Kyung Soo knew that it would take some time for the other guys to get ready, some weren’t even awake yet. He guessed he had some 30 to 40 minutes. He returned to his room to grab his jacket and hat as well as his glasses and began to head for the door. On the way he was intercepted by Kris. He wasn’t especially close to Kris, but they lived together so in a way they were closer than a normal acquaintance.

“Where you headed? Are you going to get food?” he asked.

“Uhh.. yeah,” Kyung Soo replied apprehensively.

“Oh good. I’m starving.” Kris said grabbing his coat.

Ugh.. Kyung Soo thought to himself. He didn’t want anyone to accompany him.

The two were on their way out when they were intercepted yet again. It was Tao this time. “Where you guys headed?” he asked, looking at Kris more so than Kyung Soo.

“To get some food,” Kris replied.

“Oh, let me get my coat… I’m so hungry!” Tao said excitedly, running to grab his coat too. He disappeared around the corner and came back, but he didn’t return alone. Sehun and Kai were with him.

“Why don’t we all go out together?” Kai said looking at Kyung Soo and then the rest of the group.

These guys are idiots. Kyung Soo thought. There was no way they could all sneak out without being noticed by the managers or more importantly, the fans.

Kris looked around and realized this. “You guys give us a list of what you want and we’ll get it for you. It will be quicker that way,” Kris told them. The three extra tag-alongs gave what they wanted at the corner store and then, Kyung Soo and Kris left.

Strolling through the halls of building that held the dorms, Kyung Soo and Kris were silent. They were headed for the back door, of the building.

Kyung Soo’s phone went off in his pocket and Kris looked over at him. Kyung Soo went to grab his phone and looked back at Kris with an expression reading as “what are you looking at?” so Kris then looked away.

The message was from Bom. It read: “When are you free today, then?”
Kyung Soo couldn’t help but feel a little conflicted. On one hand he felt this certain affection toward Bom that he couldn’t explain and on the other hand he doubted that his feelings for her were real or if she just knew how to play with men.

He replied to Bom’s message: “I’m done around 10pm”

There was no reply after that. That paired with the other feelings Kyung Soo was going through sincerely bothered him to no end.

The two exited the building and continued on to a corner store nearby. When they entered Kris was leading, going up and down the aisles. Kyung Soo was drawn back to the time he was in the corner store with Bom to get Band Aids.

“I have a question.” He said to Kris without thinking. Kris stopped midstride and looked back at Kyung Soo with a somewhat surprised look on his face.

“What is it?” He asked.

“How do you know when…” Kyung Soo stopped and tried to find better wording. “…or if someone is playing you?”

There was silence. It’s safe to say Kris was not expecting this. “Mmmm..” Kris said dragging out his voice. “I guess if this person’s actions don’t feel sincere to you, it would make sense that she is playing you…”

“I didn’t say it was a girl” Kyung Soo said suspiciously.

“You didn’t have to. That’s not a question you ask about your dude friends. It’s obvious that it’s about a girl,” Kris rebutted shrugging. “Why do you ask?”

“This girl acts one way but I don’t know if it’s just her prof— ” Kyung Soo started but then quickly stopped midway through saying profession. He didn’t want to give away Bom’s personal information; it wasn’t his business to share. “She’s just peculiar…” Kyung Soo said instead.

Kris chuckled. “What kind of peculiar?” He looked from the shelf of chips and snacks to Kyung Soo and lowered his voice. “Is she freaky in bed?”

Kyung Soo’s eyes widened and face reddened in horror of the statement. It was obvious Kris was just picking on him. “Shut up!” Kyung Soo shouted, shoving Kris slightly.

Kris put his hands up in a surrender position and started backing away laughing. “Just trying to help a buddy out…You know if you need help with getting laid I can set you up…” This was not just Kris picking on Kyung Soo. Kris really did have that kind of connection. He had this disposable list of girls he could call up anytime he wanted. No one really asked how or why. And it wasn’t really that Kris was player, he just always had a girl on his arm. Of course not in public, that would be bad for publicity. However, Kris was into some shit that the other guys did not inquire further on ever. It was like an unspoken rule.

Kyung Soo remembered this one time, a short time before Exo’s debut, when some of the members went out and got drunk. He had decided not to drink all that much that night because he had just gotten to drinking age and still couldn’t retain alcohol that well. However, the others got so drunk and it was up to Kyung Soo and the under aged members, JongIn and Sehun to safely bring the drunk members home. Kris was among them as was Joon Myun and, surprisingly, Luhan as well as Jongdae.

Kyung Soo had Kris leaning on him and was basically dragging his drunk and limp body through the streets. Kris had been mumbling meaningless and almost not understandable things all night. “Jageun* Kyung Soo-ah” Kris said swinging he head to face Kyung Soo. By this point Kyung Soo was so fed up with the situation. He rolled his eyes and stopped walking to prop Kris up and look at him. He ended up slamming Kris up against the building a lot more forcefully than anticipated. Kris groaned in pain.

“Sorry…” Kyung Soo said quietly looking down with hands still gripping the shoulders of Kris’s shirt. “What do you want to tell me?” Kyung Soo asked,

“I jusssstwannned to saytellyooou that ifffou ebvver need heellp with bigbad guyss…” Kris stopped and sniffed, while scratching at his face and his barely opened eyes closed even more. “…Iee knowsomme verrry ‘mportant peoplethat willelp you…” Kyung soo thought it was just jibberish. Kris quickly stood up and opened his eyes. “You seethis tattoo?” he asked swiftly lifting his sleeve and pointing to the tattoo on his shoulder. The swift motion caused for the drunken Kris to stumble backwards. Kyung Soo did his best to catch Kris but Kris fell to the ground.

The other sober guys who were slightly ahead of Kyung Soo ran back to see what happened. Each one had their own drunk to carry; in JongIn’s case he had two, so they couldn’t really help too much but they helped Kyung So get Kris propped on his shoulder so that he could carry Kris the rest of the way. The rest of the way, Kris kept mumbling random things. “Tattoo… dangerous… people…” and at one point Kyung Soo could’ve sworn he heard the word “kkangpae*” but immediately thought that he must’ve heard it wrong and thought nothing more of it the rest of the walk home.

Snapped back to the present, Kyung Soo was still in the convenient store with Kris and Kris was two aisles away now, still looking for everything on the list. “Are you gonna help or not?” He asked Kyung Soo, looking at him over the top of the short shelves that held the products of the store.

“Oh yeah, sorry,” Kyung Soo replied.

After the two were done with the corner shop run, they headed back to the dorm. By the time they reached the dorm, everyone was just about ready. They distributed the snacks to all those who asked for them and the managers called for everyone to start to enter the vans.

Kyung Soo was excited for this comeback.He had a lot of singing parts and he loved to be on stage. He eagerly climbed into the vans and highly anticipated climbing onto the stage as well.

~~~

After the performance the Managers gave Exo the rest of the night to do whatever they wanted. Most of the members were going to hang out in groups and go out to eat. Kyung Soo was anticipating Baekyun and Chanyeol to probably ask him to do something with them, so he quickly tried to make an excuse to not go. Honestly he just wanted to be alone. He was surprised to see Baekhyun heading off by himself. Hmm, odd. He thought to himself, but then remembered Baekhyun’s crush on Taeyeon and Taeyeon’s out of character and sudden interest in Baekyun the other day. Awwwe. Kyung Soo thought instead, smiling to himself.

Chanyeol ended up joining the group of Sehun, JongIn, Luhan, and Tao. Lay, Xiumin, and Chen went off together, and Suho went out alone, which was unsurprising. Suho had a similar personality to Kyung Soo in that they both were fine with their own company and didn’t need the constant companionship of other members. And since they were similar, they could talk easily with each other.

What was odd was that Kris was going off alone. Kris usually hung out with Tao and the rest. Kyung Soo’s thoughts were interrupted by a buzz from his phone. He looked down at it and found the message was from Bom. “Are you still free?” it read.

Totally preoccupied with the Bom situation, whatever thoughts, concerns, or worried Kyung Soo had for Kris or anyone else vanished.

“Yeah. Where should we meet?” he replied back to Bom.

Kyung Soo was left alone in the parking lot. Everyone had left, even the managers. In the distance he could hear some groups still loitering but as for Exo, he was the only one that remained. He began walking, looking at his phone waiting for Bom’s reply. He realized he didn’t really know where he was. He knew Seoul fairly well, but he didn’t know this area. Usually Exo rode home together. This was the first time he had been left to his own devices out in this area. He looked for directions to the nearest subway station entrance on his phone.

Leading him through the dark streets, he followed the directions he found online and safely made it to a subway entrance. This whole time he had forgotten his normal “disguise”. He quickly put it on.

The bright white lights that lit the underground station bore down on Kyung Soo with extreme intensity as he waited for the next train. While down there Kyung Soo thought about a lot of things. He was mostly tired, exhausted from the rehearsals and performance and the strenuous day over all. Normally he would’ve just gone home, but he needed to see Bom.

The train was approaching and as it did, he received a message from Bom. “Apgujeong Ajjabe*, the one in sinsa-dong.*”

Kyung Soo knew the place. It was actually one of his favorite coffee shops to go to. With its glass walls it was great for people-watching. It was the first time he two would be meeting in an actual place, though, and on what some would call an ‘actual date’. Whatever Bom needed to talk about must be really important.

By the time Kyung Soo arrived it was nearing eleven. There surprisingly were many people at the coffee shop and because of that Kyung Soo couldn’t spot Bom at first. He instead ordered a coffee for himself.

“Annyeongha-simnikka” the clerk said.

“Annyeonghaseyo” Kyung Soo replied. He ordered, received his coffee and went to look around for Bom. He didn’t see her on the first floor so he ventured to the second floor of the café to see if she was up there.

Kyung Soo was about to leave the second floor and wait for her down on the first floor when he saw her. Her back was towards him and her hair was in a neat braided bun. She was wearing a very luxurious looking black faux fur jacket and from behind, Kyung Soo could see a deep burgundy skirt overflowing the chair. She shifted her position and crossed one of her legs over the other, and Kyung Soo noticed she was wearing some black tights to keep her legs warm, and black platform booties as well. She reached for her coffee and her arm jingled, gold bracelets hitting against the table.

Kyung Soo was amazed. Even from behind, she was breathtaking. He walked over to her and tapped his hand on her back briefly, sitting down across from her. She looked at him. Kyung Soo noticed her face was done up like that time he had spotted her in Gangnam. She smiled. It was such a beautiful smile, so bright and kind. Kyung Soo was forced to smile because of it.

“Wasseo*?” She said, making incredible eye contact.

“Mm” Kyung Soo said affirmatively nodding his head once. There was a long silence. Kyung Soo finally spoke up. “Why did you want to see each other so urgently?”

Another pause followed. Bom had returned her glance down to her hands, which were rhythmically folding the wrapper that the straw to her drink had come in. “Mmmm” she quietly crooned as she thought. “I know you know…” she stopped then tried again. “I’m aware that you’ve…” she stopped once again and this time the pause was longer. Then she tried again. “I know you know what I do.” she finally stated. She looked up.

Kyung Soo just looked at her, a little surprised. “You feed the stray cats of Seoul” he tried to say positively, pretending he didn’t know what she was talking about.

“Kyung Soo,” she said seriously, reaching across the table and grabbing his hands with her ring studded fingers. She gazed deep into Kyung Soo’s eyes and Kyung Soo found that he couldn’t look away. “I’m serious. I know you know what I do, where I work. I know that you were the one who returned my phone.”

Shit. Kyung Soo didn’t know why, but for some reason he wished that she didn’t know this. That hey could continue their friendship not having to know each other’s personal lives, but, it was too late for that. Kyung Soo didn’t say anything.

Bom continued. “When Kyu-ra, the girl from the front desk gave it to me I was surprised. I thought I had lost it forever; on the subway or in the grass of the park. Initially, I was thankful that it was returned. But, then, I obviously wondered who had returned it and how they knew to do so there. I asked Kyu-ra and she described you. I asked to look at the surveillance tapes and sure enough, it was you.”

Kyung Soo looked down in shame. “I—” He began but stopped. He didn’t know how to explain that he had followed Bom through the busy streets to find that fact. He also felt ashamed that he had though that she was playing him. She seemed so honest, so upfront and true in front of his eyes.

“I don’t care how you found out, or from whom… I just don’t want you to think less of me for it,” she stated looking down. Kyung Soo looked ahead at her hands that she now had placed on the table in front of herself and stayed like that for who knows how long. He was relieved he didn’t have to reveal that he had creepily followed her but felt even worse that he indeed had thought poorly of her after finding out. He saw a tear fall on her hand and looked up to see her eyes full of tears.

This time, without thinking, Kyung Soo put his hands on top of hers. “Don’t worry,” he said. He took his one hand and lifted her chin up so that she would look at him. “Don’t worry,” he repeated looking into her eyes. “I will not think any less of you… ever.” He lifted his hand from Bom’s chin to her eyes and wiped away her streaming tears gently. Then he pulled his hands back to his own body and set them on his lap, a little self-conscious at what he had just done.
They sat there in silence, both staring blankly in front of them for a while. Bom spoke first. “Really?” she said. “Does this really not change what you think of me?”

“Really.” Kyung Soo returned. “You’re a good person. Why should what you do reflect upon your character.”

The two talked for a while. It didn’t seem like a long time to Kyung Soo, but when he checked the time, it was already nearing one am. They threw away their coffees and left the café together, walking side by side. Kyung Soo thought it was really brave of Bom to come out in the open about herself and suddenly Kyung Soo wanted to do the same. It’s not that he was deliberately keeping secrets, it’s just he had never been completely honest with Bom about what he did. The two were just walking together aimlessly when Kyung Soo stopped in his tracks. They were outside his dorm.

“I want to tell you something,” he started. Bom stopped a few paces after him and looked back.

“What?” she said, waiting for this big secret.

“You see that over there?” he said pointing over to his dorm across the street, and then to the sasaengs who were sleeping outside of it. She looked at it and then looked back to Kyung Soo, confused. “I live there,” he stated. Bom looked back at the dorm and the sleeping fans and then back to Kyung Soo once again. She didn’t say anything at first. Kyung Soo began to worry if he had made the right choice in telling her and as he started to really get nervous she finally spoke up.

“You live there?” she questions. “What’s with all those people camping out front?”

“Fans,” Kyung Soo said.

“Fans?”

“Fans.”

“Are you trying to tell me you’re famous?” she asked.

He paused nervously. “I—I just wanted to be honest with you.”

She looked up at him and smiled. Oh that smile. She grabbed his hand and started leading him down the street. Instead of wondering what she was doing, Kyung Soo just thought about how wonderful she was. He wasn’t overthinking anything this time around. It was a great feeling. After a good ten minutes like this, she finally stopped. She pointed to a tall luxury apartment building.

“You see that? That’s where I live.” She paused and looked over at Kyung Soo. “We live close by each other.” There was a twinkle in her eyes and a rush of excitement in Kyung Soo’s stomach. They actually lived really close by each other. She looked back at the building. “We can visit each other easily, whenever we want,” she said. Then she looked back at Kyung Soo. “I mean… If you want.”

He looked at her and laughed. “That would be great.” It really would be great. Whenever Kyung Soo needed peace he could just visit Bom.

Bom’s hand still grasped Kyung Soo’s and they were standing so close to eachother, Kyung Soo could smell Bom’s perfume. It was floral and beautiful, like a cherry blossom. She looked up at him and let go of his hand only to put her arms around his shoulders and bring him closer. Kyung Soo, without thinking, placed his arms around her waist and drew her in as well. They stood there stuck in an embrace, with their bodies pressed up against one another, and Kyung Soo felt the happiest he had in a long time. Maybe Bom was the answer to his problems

Notes

jageun- meaning little or small
kkangpae- literal name of either the South Korean Mafia or a street gang. The Korean mafia operates primarily in Seoul, Busan, and Daegu. It is also known to operate in Tokyo, NYC and LA. The South Korean mafia is well known for its proficient martial arts skills, ruthless extortion, and loan sharking tactics.
Apgujeong Ajjabe- A popular coffee shop in Gangnam
sinsa-dong- A neighborhood in Gangnam
wasseo- It literally means here, but can be used in conversation as "you're here" when someone arrives