The way which the wind blows

Your POV
Luckily, my mum allowed me to go. I take a shower, do my makeup and change into a black dress and wait for Sehun to come. At 7:00 he and some of the boys arrive at my door. I wave goodbye to my parents and go with the twelve member of Exo. Tao, Wu Fan and Yixing sit in the first car with Jongin’s parents, Minseok and Joonmyun sit with Joonmyun’s family and I sit with Luhan and Sehun in Luhan’s family’s car. Since I am the smallest out of Sehun and Luhan, I have to sit in the middle. I really don’t like sitting in the middle. As we drive towards the funeral house, Sehun holds my hand. “You’re looking prettier than I expected.” He whispers with a smile. I scan Sehun; he’s wearing a black shirt with a white bowtie, black pants and fancy black shoes His blond hair is gelled and combed back, out of his face. “You’re looking handsomer than I expected.” I whisper and smile back. “Is handsomer a word?” I laugh. He squeezes my hand and chuckles. “You silly girl.”

Luhan’s POV
I shouldn’t have taking the car with Sehun and (Y/N). I keep my head down and look at my hands in my lap. This is so awkward and embarrassing. I risk a glance at (Y/N), she’s touching Sehun’s hair and giggling. I feel my cheeks get hot so I look back at my hands. Sehun is lucky. I want to be familiar with (Y/N)’s touch, I want her voice to stay forever etched into my head, I want to memorize the colour of her lips, I want her to love me the way I love her. What am I thinking? She’ll never consider me. Is this even love? Is this what love is about? Aching for the attention of the person you yearn for, only to realize that you will never be? Is this what love is? If it is, it stinks.

We arrive at the funeral house and I almost bolt out of the car. “Hey guys!” I shout while putting my arm over Minseok. “It was so awkward being in a car with a couple.” The boys laugh. I turn my head and see Sehun and (Y/N) walking, fingers intertwined. Damn he is so lucky.

Your POV
I recognize Chanyeol’s family. They sit in the front, quietly sobbing. The boys and I go to great them and sit down in the free rows. This atmosphere is so gloomy, it makes me feel suffocated. I’ve never attended a funeral before so everything is new to me. My thoughts are disrupted by a loud sound. A song comes on and I see a slide show showing on the projector screen. I feel Sehun’s hand tense and I realize that the slideshow is showing Chanyeol’s life. Pictures of him appear on the screen, he was cute as a baby…I swallow, I don’t want to refer to Chanyeol as was. Its just heart breaking. I watch the images flash by, I feel tears in my eyes and a sickness in my stomach. Chanyeol…Even though I didn’t know you for very long, you still have such an impact on me. I look up at Sehun; he has tears pouring down his face. I use my thumb to wipe the tears away but new tears just run down his cheeks. He attempts a smile to reassure me, but I can clearly see that he is hurting more than he looks. I squeeze his hand and draw my attention back to the slide. Now the images show Chayeol being around ten years old and I see more images with the Exo members. Sehun was so small and innocent, now he is so grown up. There is an image with Chanyeol’s parents standing with Chanyeol and a man and a woman standing with Sehun. They all look so happy and comfortable with each other that I wonder… Sehun wipes his eyes, but his tears have become hiccups and he needs two hands to wipe the waterfalls pouring from his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He stutters between his hiccups. “I’m such a mess.” I look over at the other guys in our row, they’re all crying. Faces red, eyes puffy. It just shows how much Chanyeol means to them. I take Sehun’s hand from his face and hold it, indicating that I am here for him. He smiles gratefully and kisses me on the forehead. The slide ends with a group photo of Exo and a family photo of Chanyeol’s family. He has two older brothers; I wish Chanyeol’s family well. With the slide ending, everyone in the funeral house is trying to recover. Frantically wiping their tears, straightening their hair, faking a smile. I rub my stinging eyes and ask Sehun if he is OK. He nods but I know he isn’t OK. I see Chanyeol’s mum get up in front of everyone, breathing deeply. “Hello everyone and thank you for coming this evening. Your presence is very appreciated.” She pauses and rubs her eyes. “Chanyeol; my lovely son, was a well liked person. He easily got along with everyone and no one could say a foul word about him. He, as well as my other sons, are the highlight of my day. He…” she stops talking and breaks down in tears. “I’m so sorry.” She chokes. The members of Exo start to clap for her, soon everyone joins in and she hobbles off the stage. Poor woman. Next, Chanyeol’s father gives a speech, then his brothers. The Exo members stand up and walk towards the front. “Our turn.” Sehun sniffs. “Wha-?” before I could think, he pulls me up and follows the rest of the Exo members to the front. Why is Sehun dragging me along? I don’t know what to say, I wasn’t very close to Chanyeol either so I feel like I am intruding. I stand at the back with Sehun, “What do I say?” I hiss at him while Joonmyun starts his speech. “Just say a few words.” Whispers Sehun. “I don’t know what to say.” I growl back. “Just listen to what the other guys have to say and make up some stuff. Or, tell everyone what you thought about Chanyeol.” He smiles at me. Why did he bring me up here? Each of the members talked about how they were close to Chanyeol and how he meant the world to them. Tao was close to crying again, the other members had to support him by rubbing his back. Sehun got up and took a deep breath. “Losing people in your life is very hard. This is in fact my second experience. You can never completely forget the tragedy, but it gets easier to tolerate. You will find that everything you see will remind you of them, their bed, the couch where they sat or even the floor where they stood, but you will grow stronger and learn to appreciate them while they were here. Chanyeol will be gravely missed by everyone, and I wish you well Mr and Mrs Park, Taeyeol and Kwonyeol.” Sehun bows his head in the direction of Chanyeol’s family and guides me in front of him. “Your turn.” He whispers in my ear. I swallow and feel my hands start to shake. All these eyes looking at me, it’s intimidating. I clear my throat before speaking. “I didn’t know Chanyeol very well but I knew that he was funny, caring and genuine. He was obviously well liked and very easy to get along with.” I didn’t know what I was saying. Words were just spilling from my mouth. I was saying what I thought of Chanyeol. My eyes sting. “Although my time with him was short, it was worth while. It is obvious that me means the world to everyone in this room. I just wish that at some point I could’ve gotten to know him better.” We sit down and barely get through the rest of the gloomy day.

Sehun drops me off at home and kisses me on the forehead. “Thank you for coming…and for being there for me.” “No problem. If you want to talk or anything just call me.” I say and give him a hug goodbye. I walk tiredly into the house; all I can think about is sleep. I cried so much in the funeral that I just feel so gross and groggy. I quickly change clothes and announce that I will be going to bed without dinner to my parents. As I lay in bed, I realize that Sehun said “This is in fact my second experience” at the funeral. I wonder what that means…. I’m too tired to think, and I instantly fall into a deep sleep.

Notes