Insight
7:
“Yo, bro, you haven’t been coming to class,” Hoseok sat up from his bed when I walked into the dorm. “Uh, yeah, about that.” I say taking my coat off, “I just need a little time off,” I say. It sucks I have to redo college just because I’m in this kid’s body and he’s not a business major.
“You alright?” he looks at me, I don’t know if I am to be honest, it’s great to see Subin but I really want to get back to myself, to my time. “hey Hoseok,” I sat on the edge of my bed, “Do you…do you believe in second chances?” “Huh, what do you mean?” I licked my lips not sure how to explain myself, “Like, for example, when you die, do you believe you’ll be reborn,” He raised his eyebrows, I know, he probably thinks I’m weird asking this weird ass question, I don’t know why I even bother to say anything.
“But…why be reborn and not rest in peace, if you’re reborn then there’s probably a problem you have to fix in your past life or something,” he says, I look back up at him really shocked, this guy Hoseok…would he believe me if I told him my situation?
I left the house to meet up with Subin to go to the Lantern festival tonight. Will the memories come back of us two together there? I’m so nervous, I can’t believe she agreed to come, especially with this guy, well, what do you expect I’m still Seokjin, just…not in my body, do I still sway her?
I was waiting for her at the park that was beside her apartment, will she actually come? I mean of course she has to, but what if she doesn’t? I need to stop overthinking. I only wonder why she agreed to come with me and not Jimin? “Yah!” I turned to look and saw her walking across the street towards me. She was in a nice white dress with a yellow cardigan…wow…she’s…so beautiful. Still. I shook my head trying to not stare.
“H-hey, y-you came,” I stuttered. She half smiled, “Only to show you around the lantern fest, that’s it!” she flipped her long hair. “of course of course,” I waved my hands reassuring her. We walked side by side to the festival not saying much, I’m nervous, my palms are sweating, this feels like the first date we ever had back in Gwacheon where we’re both from. I still remember…everything that night seems like it was just yesterday.
“Jeongguk?” Subin cleared her throat, it startled me, “Y-yes?” “Don’t you have any friends you want to go with to the festival?” She asks without looking at me, “W-well,” I scratched the back of my head, I gotta think fast, I don’t want her to think I’m a creep wanting to go with her, I mean I do, but, still, “I coulda just gave you the tickets and you could of asked your girlfriend out,” Girlfriend??
“N-no, I don’t have a girlfriend, also, no friends,” She finally looks up at me, “You’re some kind of loner?” God, why did I say that now I sound like a loser! “No, I mean, I just, kinda, like, moved here,” I lied. “Ohh from where?” Well, I did see Jeongguk is from Busan on his ID, “Busan” I quickly said, “Oh, cool, I like it there,” She’s been to Busan?? When was this? She said nothing else and we arrived at the festival, it…really does brings me back, the smell of fried food, children’s laughter, the crowd.
“So, here we are,” She smiles, however, it didn’t reach her eyes, “I’m starving, wanna get something to eat?” She asked but started walking towards a concession stand without an answer, typical Subin. “2 chicken skewer please,” she ordered, “Want anything?” she looks back at me, “Uh, sure, I’ll pay,” I fished for my wallet, “too late,” Subin handed her money, she looks back at me and shrugged.
I forgot how fast of an eater she was because she finished her skewers in less than 5 minutes. It was hard to not scold her like I use to when she ate fast, ‘what are you my Fiancé or mom?’ she would ask when I was “alive”. She wiped the grease from her mouth with a napkin then I saw her eyes following something, I turned over and saw she was looking at a couple eating an ice cream cone together walking hand and hand, she lightly sighs, what is she thinking about?
“Seonsaengnim,” I said, her eyes shifted towards me, “Geez kid, I said just call me Subin,” she lightly smiled playing with her skewer sticks, “Sorry it’s just really hard to not use honorifics with you,” “Fine,” she sighs, “If you want you can call me…noona,” she muttered the last part. Whoa, noona? I’m calling my younger fiancée noona? I slightly snickered, “What do you want anyway?” she rolled her eyes, “That hyung…Jimin, do you guys…like each other?” It hurts to ask, but I’m just curious, she gave me a puzzled look, “What? No, we’re just friends, that’s it.”
Phew, “Why’d you ask?” shit, I should’ve known it was weird to ask, I was trying to think of reason to tell her why I asked without it sounding like I like her, well without it sound like Jeongguk likes her, she suddenly burst out laughing, “Don’t get any weird ideas about us, I’m just being nice taking you here,” I had no comebacks, the atmosphere grew awkwardly silent. “sorry,” she says quietly looking at people walking by, “I don’t see Jimin that way, he was best friend’s with someone who I really loved,” My heart started beating fast, “I believe he’s the only one for me but…” her voice trailed off her eyes wasn’t focus on anything it was just like she was in deep thought, “Nothing, let’s go light up some lanterns and call it a night huh?” she got up and started walking away. I knew at that moment I was on her mind.
