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Insight

6:

My palms were sweating as I knocked on Subin’s door. I was too excited to see her again, I swear, she’s the only one who could ever make me forget about my troubles, even in this life. The door opened and Subin stood there looking exhausted and annoyed, “Uh..h-hey, I’m here.”



She rubbed her eyes shaking her head, it looks like I might have woken her up out of her sleep, “Oh shit, it’s you,” she mumbled, she looked back at her still messy apartment, “yeah, come on in.” I walked in carefully avoiding stepping on clothes that are scattered all over the floor, “I’m pretty sure I still have cleaning supplies,” she said collapsing on the couch, “Oh, well, okay I’ll find them no worries,” I scavenged for cleaning supplies in cupboards and closets only to find little of it.

This isn’t like her to live like this, she was always so clean and organized, what on earth happened? Was it…because I “died”? I began picking up clothes off the floor, Subin was still laying on the couch scrolling on her phone, I don’t know how to begin a conversation without being my old self. I was thinking hard on what to say until I accidentally picked up at thong, belonging to her, “Ah!” I slightly yelled throwing it on the floor, I felt the blood rushing to my face. S-She…wear those? Subin peeked from behind her phone, I shook my head trying not to imagine her wearing it since…I’m not me.

She quickly looks down on what I was looking at and saw her thong, “GEEZ!” she yelled running over to pick it up hiding it behind her. “S-sorry! I mean it was on the floor!!” I tried to explain her face was a hint of red her gaze was on the floor, “Subin?” I whispered, she all of a sudden broke out laughing, I was slightly confused and said nothing continuing to clean.




“Wow, I…never seen my apartment to sparkly.” Her eyes wander around, it took me more than 4 hours to clean and organize this place. “Can I offer you something to eat, drink? I mean, I can’t cook but we can order takeout…my treat,” She smiles.

The pizza arrived and we sat on the floor in the living room eating while watching a drama. So far, I’ve just been quiet and observant on everything, Subin still feels a little off but there are parts of the old her that I recognize. I want…to see more of it. “So, Jeongguk? What are you going to school for?” she side eyed me eating a slice, I felt my heart rate go up a bit since I knew she was going to ask me questions, luckily I snooped around some of Jeongguk’s things learning a little about him.

“Film, I go to school for film,” I say trying to sound confident, “Ah, that’s cool,” she focuses back on the TV, time for me to ask her some questions too. “So Subin…uh, wait, I mean, since you’re a teacher…what should I call you?” Her eyes shift back towards me, “Hm? You can just call me Subin, I’m not that prideful or anything,” she lightly chuckled, “What do you teach again?” I sipped my soda, “Art. I studied art at the same school and now teach there,” “Wow you must love it there huh?” I chuckled, she turned her head back to the TV with a blank expression, I was studying her side profile, she does…look a bit older. “no,” she says, she continues to eat saying nothing else, I don’t want to be nosy or anything so I remained quiet.



“If I could move anywhere it would be France or the United States.” She leaned back with her back against the couch, “I hate it here in Seoul, just, too many bad memories,” she touched ring on her necklace, “What ba--,” A knock on the door cut me off, Subin sighs, “Come in!” the door opens and who I saw walked in almost made me want to cry. “J-Jimin,” I whispered to myself, “Whoa…your place is CLEAN?!” he spun around doing a full 360 looking everywhere, “Am I at the right apartment??” “Very funny,” Subin rolled her eyes, “You did all this?” he asked swiping his finger on the bookshelf checking for dust, he then turns around and saw me sitting a few feet away from Subin. “Who’s this?” he raised his eyebrows, Jimin…my best friend…I’m so…happy to see him.



“This is Jeongguk,” Subin gets up, Jeongguk’s name threw me off as I remembered I’m not me. I quickly got up and bowed to him, “He basically cleaned my whole apartment,” she grinned, Jimin shifted his eyes to Subin, “A cleaner or something?” he questions her, “U-uh no-,” “Yes, I’m a cleaner,” I interrupted her, “A mutual acquaintance recommended me to her, s-so, I came to clean her apartment,” I lied, Subin shot me a look and then realized it was for the best since I’m…Jeongguk is a student at another school.

“Oh, cool,” Jimin replied, “I’m Park Jimin, a close friend of Subin,” he half smiled, I nodded my head, did that…bother me? “Subin I was just checking up on you, also wanted to see if you changed your mind about the lantern festival,” Lantern festival? “Jimin,” Subin sighs, “I don’t know..” “C’mon, you never go out, it’ll give you a chance to have fun,” I used to take Subin to the Lantern fest every year, it was…our thing, she hasn’t gone since? Jimin’s phone rang, he looks at it, “I got to take this, I’ll be on my way, call me if you need anything,” he smiles waving at her before leaving, so he and Subin are still friends?




“Nice save,” Subin turns to look at me, “The Lantern Festival,” I say, “I-It’s nothing special,” She bit her lip looking down at the floor, “I never been,” I lied, she says nothing and walks back to the couch continuing to eat pizza, what am I doing? “Could you take me?” “No way in hell,” she says with a mouthful of pizza, I chuckled rubbing my chin, “Is that any way to treat someone who cleaned your entire apartment?”




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