Something He Can Grab or, A$$+1

One morning when Jiyong and Seunghyun’s relationship is still new and nebulous, the five of them are eating breakfast together in the dorm and Seungri says something that makes Jiyong break out in a cold sweat all down his sides.

“You know, I bet a lot of guys in idol groups fuck around with each other like you two do,” Seungri says.

The reason this terrifies Jiyong so much is that it touches on an issue he is not at all ready to address: namely, what to call what he and Seunghyun-hyung are doing. (And “fucking around with each other” is not his label of choice.)

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” Seunghyun asks, his wary expression mismatched with the light tone of his voice. He seems to have gotten over the embarrassment of everyone knowing they’re sleeping together (which Jiyong has been told several times has nothing to do with him, specifically, and is actually about Seunghyun’s desire for privacy in all matters sexual), but only just.

“Well, we’re all cramped up in dorms together, spending most of our time together, and we’re not supposed to date or even meet women at all, but we’re all still men, so…” Seungri shrugs. “It makes sense.”

Jiyong feels his face going hot. Could this be what Seunghyun-hyung thinks too? That Jiyong is just the best, most convenient replacement for a woman? He slumps in his chair, leaning over his food to hide his face.

Daesung bursts out giggling. “I think you’re just trying to justify it to yourself because you want to try.”

Seunghyun roars with laughter and even Youngbae starts to chuckle, so Jiyong joins in too, although his stomach’s still in knots over this whole line of conversation. Seunghyun slaps his hand on the table, an inch or so away from Jiyong’s. “That’s what it is! Our maknae is looking for love. Youngbaeyah, what do you say?”

Youngbae makes a rude gesture. “Fuck off.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Seungri insists, the volume of his voice rising to be heard over the others’ laughter. “I don’t need one of you. I have lots of girls on the line, trust me. That trainee from Busan, you know, the one with the hair –”

“He doesn’t even know her name!” Daesung shrieks, giddy.

“Well, why should I know here name? It’s not like I’m going to marry her. Come on, I’m was just saying.” Seungri’s doing those big, panicked eyes he does when he’s taking his hyungs’ teasing too seriously.

“Seunghyunah, that’s kind of gross. That you want to sleep with some girl whose name you don’t even know,” Jiyong says. Instantly he regrets it – it’s much too revealing. Maybe if he’d said it playfully it’d be okay, but it came out bitter and weird and, oh god, Seunghyun-hyung’s going to think it means something about their relationship (or whatever it is). He knows his tone was all wrong; Daesung and Seunghyun’s laughter has faded and Youngbae is shoveling food in with renewed gusto.

Seungri, unsurprisingly, misses the shift. “Yah, you’re one to talk. At least I’ll look her in the eyes when we fuck.”

Jiyong’s so confused that he forgets some of his anxiety. “What? What do you mean?”

“I mean...you know, you and Seunghyun-hyung.” Seungri glances back and forth between the two of them; sitting next to Jiyong, Seunghyun seems to be equally befuddled. “You two can’t even look at each other’s faces when you...you know...do it.”

Jiyong is so stunned that his mouth actually falls open. After a moment, he slowly turns to meet Seunghyun’s eyes.

“You wanna just blow past that one?” Seunghyun asks.

That sounds like a good idea. Explaining sex positions to the maknae this early in the morning is not a particularly attractive notion, plus he’s more than ready to be done with this conversation. “Yeah, let’s blow past it,” Jiyong says. He turns to Youngbae. “So what do you think about this new dance routine?” he asks, pointedly avoiding Seungri’s questioning gaze. Seunghyun tucks into his food and kicks Seungri under the table when he opens his mouth to start talking again.

They giggle about it in the hallway after breakfast, Jiyong’s amusement mixed with a deep relief that they avoided the specter of the relationship status question that Seungri raised. “Wow, I can’t believe this is the state of sex education in our country,” Jiyong sighs. “And for someone who’s studied so much on his own…” He wiggles his eyebrows at Seunghyun.

“I know! You’d think with all the porn he watches he’d have a basic understanding…” They dissolve into laughter.

“Can you imagine though? How boring would that be, if we could only have sex in one position?” Jiyong shakes his head.

Seunghyun wrinkles his nose. “And not even one of the better positions.”

Jiyong laughs, so thrilled that it comes out slightly manic. Thus far, Seunghyun hasn’t said much about what he likes in bed – he’s expressed enthusiasm, but no preferences. Jiyong is a big believer in talking openly about sex, but much like the topic of whether or not they’re a couple, he’s been too nervous to press Seunghyun for details in case it might freak him out. “Oh, do you have a favorite position?” Jiyong asks, keeping his tone light and poking Seunghyun in the ribs.

“I don’t know,” Seunghyun says, a bit of pink coloring his cheeks as he suppresses an embarrassed grin and curls away from Jiyong’s fingers, “but doggy style is definitely not it.”

Jiyong appraises Seunghyun for a long moment, letting his happiness wash out the last of his apprehension, then dives in for a hug. Everything feels right when it’s the two of them together. “Aww, you’re so sweet. Don’t be embarrassed. I know you like to look at my face when you fuck me.” He grins against Seunghyun’s chest, enjoying the heavy warmth of his arms around his waist.

“I do,” Seunghyun admits. “Your face is so beautiful. And your ass –” he slides his hands down to cup it – “is nothing to write home about.”

Jiyong knows Seunghyun’s just teasing. Truly, he does. He laughs and swats at Seunghyun and goes about the rest of his day with a genuine smile on his face. But he does tuck that comment away in the back of his mind.

And listen, Jiyong’s busy. He has a lot going on. He doesn’t have time to contemplate his ass.

Although, you know, sometimes things get slow. Long past the point at which their status as a couple is settled (and unsettled and resettled a few times), Seunghyun’s words float through Jiyong’s head. And it’s during those slow times when he has nothing better to do that Jiyong thinks about what Seunghyun said and goes and looks at his butt in the mirror. And takes photos every now and then. And occasionally googles “how to get a bigger butt”. In three languages.

Whatever, it’s not a big deal. It’s not like Seunghyun isn’t still into him. He’s definitely into him, no matter how scrawny his butt. It’s not that he needs a bigger ass, it’s just that it would be nice to have a bigger ass. He has plenty of ways to entice Seunghyun.

He’d just like one more.

So he tries various diets – if he can be bothered; this is hardly a priority – but none of them ever work for anything other than giving him the runs. He does squats and other butt-focused exercises, but only if he feels like he has the energy after his normal workout, which usually he doesn’t. And a few times he tries supplements that are supposed to make your butt bigger, but they’re not even that expensive so it’s really not a big deal; he’s basically taking them as a joke. (They don’t even fucking work so the joke’s on him.)

For a while he thinks maybe he should focus on emphasizing the butt he already has. He tries every style and cut of underwear under the sun, which is probably something he’d want to do anyway because it’s fun. Some help more than others, and he also learns that Seunghyun likes it when he wears women’s underwear of any kind, which is very useful information to have.

And, okay, one time he buys a pair of jeans with padding in the ass. Just to see. But they’re for women, so the cut in the hips is all wrong, and Jiyong’s too mortified to take them to his tailor. (He eventually gives them to Dami-noona. He might be embarrassed to have bought them, but he’s not wasteful.)

After the thing happens with the pot, Jiyong spends long hours researching butt enhancement surgeries to distract himself. He quickly rules out artificial implants (even though some of the before-and-after pictures are amazing) in favor of fat injections and then spends months and months in a state of nervous potential, daring himself to do it. But when he finally makes an appointment with the most discreet plastic surgeon in Seoul, they tell him he’s too skinny; there’s nowhere to take the fat from, so he’d have to gain a pretty significant amount of weight to be able to get the injections. For a week or two he half-heartedly eats a bowl of ice cream a day, but the problem is that when he gains weight it all just goes right to his face, which doesn’t do any good for the procedure.

It’s not that he gives up; Jiyong’s no quitter. It’s just that he starts to accept that biology has its limitations. And really, isn’t he all the more impressive for being so sexy without a great ass? Seunghyun-hyung has gotten rock hard just looking at Jiyong.

So he is really, honestly, genuinely without expectation when he checks out his butt in the mirror nowadays, all these years after that awkward breakfast. He’s basically just making sure everything’s how he remembers it. He might as well be looking for suspicious moles.

The first time he thinks it looks bigger, he dismisses the notion out of hand. It’s a trick of the light; something about the way he’s standing. It looks good, sure, but it’s not actually bigger.

The second time, he decides to let himself pretend it really is bigger for exactly three minutes. He prances around the bathroom, posing and smacking it, before laughing at himself and getting dressed.

The third time, he thinks he might be onto something.

He’s in Seunghyun’s bedroom closet after a shower, looking for something to wear among the stash of clothes he keeps there. He glances at his reflection when he passes a mirror and spots his butt jiggling. Jiggling! He’s been able to coax some movement out of his ass cheeks in the past, but this kind of casual jiggling just from walking – he’s never seen that before. He stands in front of the mirror, bends a knee slightly, and straightens it. It is jiggling!

Breathless with excitement, he dashes to the bedroom and finds his phone. Back in the closet, he takes a picture of his reflection over his shoulder. He studies the picture intently, a huge grin spreading across his face. It looks great. Even if it’s not actually bigger, the shape is a huge improvement. He takes a shot from the side and it looks even better. He finds some pictures from a few years ago and actually gasps at the difference. It really looks bigger!

But there’s one final test if he wants to know for sure. (Does he want to know for sure? Maybe not, but Jiyong isn’t much for uncertainty. He needs to know, one way or another.) Jiyong finds the measuring tape in a matter of seconds; he’s the one who left it here in the first place. (This isn’t the first time he’s measured his ass in Seunghyun’s house.) He takes a deep breath and reminds himself that it’s more important that he feels good about his ass than that it actually is bigger.

When he reads the number, he screams with joy.

“What’s going on?” Seunghyun asks when Jiyong darts into the living room. He’s on the sofa with a magazine.

Jiyong leaps onto the couch and gets a foot on either side of Seunghyun’s lap, his ass directly in his face. “Three centimeters!” he cries.

“Jiyongie…okay, you’re not huge; but you’re not that small,” Seunghyun says, reaching around to cup him.

Jiyong’s cock twitches with interest, but he shoves Seunghyun’s hand away. “Not that. My ass. It’s grown three centimeters!”

“It has?”

“Yes. Have you seen it lately?” Jiyong pushes it closer to Seunghyun’s face. Seunghyun’s hands shift to Jiyong’s hips and Jiyong feels his hyung’s nose press into the soft flesh of his cheek a moment before he feels his mouth, hot and wet. He jumps away like he’s been stung. “Stop!”

“Stop?” When Jiyong turns, Seunghyun’s hands are still hovering in the air where Jiyong was, one eyebrow arched.

“Not, like, forever,” Jiyong says hastily, “just not right now. I want you to look at it, with your eyes. Appreciate it. It’s grown three entire centimeters.”

“Since when?”

“Since the first time I measured it,” Jiyong says. His ass has fluctuated in size slightly since he started, but never this much. Of course, he hasn’t measured it in almost a year.

Apparently Seunghyun finds this answer very funny, because he covers his eyes and shakes with laughter while Jiyong stands there – still stark naked, mind you – waiting.

“Sorry,” Seunghyun says, finally uncovering his eyes. “I’m ready to appreciate it now.” He clears his throat, fixing a serious expression on his face.

“You better be,” Jiyong grumbles. He turns around. “It’s a big deal. It’s not funny.”

“You’re right, Jiyongie. Definitely not funny.”

“Are you appreciating it?” The only problem with this arrangement is that Jiyong can’t watch Seunghyun’s expression.

“Very much.”

But Jiyong isn’t convinced. “Do you see how much bigger it is? And the shape? The shape has improved a lot.”

“If you say so.”

Jiyong can’t help but twist around, agitated. “What do you mean if I say so? Can’t you see how different it looks?”

“I mean…” Seunghyun lifts his shoulders in a tentative shrug, “It looks the same as it did yesterday.”

“But it’s so much bigger than it used to be. Before.”

“Maybe, but –”

“Not maybe. It is. By three centimeters.”

“Okay, but it happened slowly, right? So...I don’t know, it doesn’t look that different to me.”

Jiyong plants his hands over his ass cheeks and walks out in a huff. “You don’t deserve my new ass,” he says.

“Are we in a fight?” Seunghyun calls after him.

Jiyong considers. “For the next four minutes, yes!” he shouts back.

Notes