In Seongdong
one/six
Recently, Seunghyun had been asked in an interview, “What’s your favorite place in the world?” He’d “Uhhhh”ed for a long moment and finally said something about how he’s a homebody, so his favorite place is to be at home with family and friends.
This is my favorite place, Seunghyun thinks. He’s in Jiyong’s kitchen, making sushi rolls. He’s just gotten a really nice bamboo rolling mat. In the living room, Jiyong is sitting directly in front of his enormous television, trying to pick a movie.
“What was wrong with that one?” Seunghyun calls when Jiyong hastily ejects yet another disc with a dramatic sigh. Jiyong’s apartment is open and modern, so Seunghyun can see Jiyong over the breakfast bar.
“The violence is too gory,” Jiyong says.
“I thought you liked gory movies.”
“Yeah, but it’s not about what I like; it’s about what sets the right mood.” Jiyong loves the English word “mood”. He says it all the time, always stretching it out so it sounds like ‘mooooood’.
“Yah, what mood?” Seunghyun says dismissively, just because he has a pretty good idea what Jiyong will say in return.
Jiyong twists around to give Seunghyun a foxy grin. “The mood like you’re going to fuck me tonight,” he says.
Seunghyun tries to fight back his smile. “You idiot, don’t you know I’m always in the mood for that?”
The first time Jiyong had used the word ‘mood’ and Seunghyun had asked him what it meant, he’d said, “It means the feeling in the air between two people, like when you’re on a date and you know the girl wants to go home with you. That’s the mood. You’re in the mood, she’s in the mood. And when you play sexy music or dim the lights, that’s setting the mood. Basically, the mood means the feeling of wanting to sleep with a girl, and her wanting to sleep with you.”
That was a long time ago.
*
It’s funny, but when Seunghyun had been asked that question, “What’s your favorite place in the world?” Jiyong’s apartment wasn’t the first thing that came to mind, even though that’s what he would’ve answered if he was being honest in an interview for once in his life. The first thing that came to mind was his car.
It seems like he’s always in it these days, always traveling quiet stretches of highway late at night. In his car, he sets his phone so it reads his messages to him. He gets one from Jiyong and his phone announces in that awkward, mechanical voice, “New message from Kwon Jiyong: I’m waiting for you winking face.”
Seunghyun grins and grips the wheel a little tighter.
*
It had been a shock, the first time he realized he wanted to fuck Jiyong.
Because he’d always liked girls. Always. (He still does, in an abstract sense. It isn’t completely honest to say he likes girls, because he doesn’t like anyone but Jiyong anymore.) Even when he was a fat loser, it had never once occurred to him that he wouldn’t have a conventional trajectory in his personal life: date some girls, marry one of them, have kids, the whole thing. He’d just assumed it wouldn’t go like that, and really, the first step had been working out okay. So realizing he wanted to fuck his best friend, the leader of his group, the person who’d helped him achieve his dream, and someone who was also a man – that was sort of a big deal.
It was a shock, but it shouldn’t have been. Their friendship had always been unlike any relationship Seunghyun had ever had. And back when they were kids, hadn’t Seunghyun been dazzled by Jiyong right from the start? Training to be an idol but already a star; just brimming with charisma. Everyone wanted to be near Jiyong, and for some reason Seunghyun still didn’t quite understand, Jiyong had chosen him, the chubby kid with the obsessive knowledge of American hip hop. Hadn’t Seunghyun felt a thrill of excitement when Jiyong started calling him “hyung”? Hadn’t his first instinct been to hug him when Jiyong showed up in his life again all those years later? He still remembers how powerful the urge to embrace him had been, how it crashed into him, how he later decided it must’ve been a premonition about Jiyong changing his life.
When Seunghyun was younger, he knew he wanted to be a rapper. An artist. He didn’t know he wanted someone to writhe with pleasure when he touched them. He didn’t know he wanted someone to fall asleep in his lap like a puppy and then wake up pissed off because they was going to transition it into a blowjob and hadn’t meant to really fall asleep. He didn’t know he wanted someone to look at him like he was starlight and daisies come to life. But he did, oh god, he really did.
And that’s the thing that was even more shocking than realizing that he wanted to fuck Jiyong: realizing that he could. That Jiyong, who only fucked the impossibly beautiful, would want to fuck him. More than once. Over and over again, in fact. Over the course of years. Years! It’s unbelievable. But Seunghyun knew. He just knew.
If he shows up at Jiyong’s place in the middle of the night, he’ll be let in. All he has to do is get there.
