Excuse Me, Miss

Claire hugged her knees to her chest and leaned her head against the side of her desk. I don't know how much longer I can do this, she thought miserably. She closed her eyes, but all she could see was the look of hurt and confusion on her friends’ faces. If they're even still my friends after today, she thought. I should've just kept my distance and spared everyone.

Her door opened and she sighed quietly. “Look Philip, I'm sorry about earlier,” she said immediately. “Kibum probably hates me.”

“I wouldn't say that.”

Claire's eyes flew open. “How would you know?” she asked as Minho sat on the floor beside her. “I like to think I know him pretty well by now,” he said, mirroring her pose. “You did hurt his feelings, but he doesn't hold onto things like that.”

Claire sighed again. “I really am sorry,” she whispered. “Look, if you knew…” she trailed off hopelessly. “But you can't know,” she muttered.

“About Sam?”

A jolt ran through Claire's body and she jumped back. “How do you know that name?” she demanded. “Philip told you, didn't he?”

“He's tired of seeing you in pain!” Minho said, taking her hand. “We want to help you, Claire.”

“We?” Claire repeated, surging to her feet. “Kibum knows too?”

“Claire-”

“He had no right to tell you!” she said angrily.

“And you have no right to keep punishing yourself!” Minho retorted, getting up quickly. “It's been nearly two years. Why can't you move on?”

“Because I can't forgive myself!” Claire shouted. “Don't you understand? I nearly destroyed my career and my family. We almost starved in a rat-infested apartment because no one would give us work. If this show fails, we're done! And it's my fault!”

Further words failed her and she bowed her head, her chest heaving raggedly. She felt Minho's hands on her shoulders and she looked up at him slowly. She didn't know what she expected to see - pity, disgust, or even puzzlement - but she wasn't prepared for the overwhelming compassion in his eyes as he gazed down at her. “This,” he said thickly, “this is eating you alive, Claire. It's destroying your relationship with Kyle and alienating you from everyone else. Please just… just trust me a little.”

He slid his hands down her arms and took her fingers in his. “I haven't run away yet, have I?” he asked with a smile. Claire felt that familiar wave of shame, but this time it was tempered with something she couldn't quite define. “What did Philip tell you?” she asked quietly.


******


Claire walked through the maze of vehicles to where Kibum's trailer sat like a bullfrog in a puddle. She knocked on the door carefully and it opened almost immediately. “Claire,” Kibum said, surprised.

“I'm sorry,” she said immediately. “I didn't mean any of what I said. Can you forgive me?”

Kibum smiled and stepped back, waving for her to enter. Claire felt her old hesitancy rise, but she pushed it aside and climbed into the trailer.

“I’m glad you came by,” he said, closing the door behind her. “I was hoping to talk to you.”

Claire took a deep breath. “You know about Sam,” she said quietly. Kibum nodded. “Don't be angry with Philip, he just wanted to help you,” he said quickly.

“I was angry, but not anymore,” Claire said, folding her arms. “I came to tell you the rest of the story.”

Kibum's mouth opened and closed a few times before he remembered himself. “Okay,” he said, sitting down slowly. “I'm listening.”

Claire looked out the window. “It started three years ago, in New York,” she began. “Kyle and I were developing a new show and we'd just been picked up by a major station. It was our first big break and we couldn't believe how lucky we were. Everything was fine until the first day of shooting.”

She paused, forcing the next words like she was pulling a splinter. “That was the day I met Sam. He was funny and kind, and the hottest thing in the city on any given day. I had a little bit of a crush on him along with every other girl on set, but he'd gotten married earlier that year, so we kept it professional. Until he didn't.”

Kibum didn't say anything, choosing to just listen as she struggled for the next words. “I knew it was wrong,” she said, “believe me. But his wife was in L.A. and I wanted to be swept up in a movie star romance so badly that I didn't care about anything else. We managed to keep it a secret for months, being careful not to incriminate ourselves in any way. Sam had many methods for not getting caught.” Her mouth twisted at the irony of it. “He eventually told me that he loved me and that he wanted to divorce his wife to be with me. The thought made me deliriously happy and I agreed immediately, but he told me that he didn't have the money to leave his wife until the next season of the show started. I tried to get Kyle to give him an advance, but he knew something was up and refused to do any such thing. So I… I took it.”

Shock lit Kibum's face and she chuckled bitterly. “Philip didn't tell you that part for good reason,” she muttered. “Yes, I stole money from our show for my married boyfriend to leave his wife. Except he didn't leave her.”

She swallowed ineffectually. “He left town with the money and I never saw him again. What's more, one of the crew saw me go into Kyle's office and take the money, so before I knew it I was in jail on charges of grand larceny. The pre-trial was horrible. There was little sympathy for me from the public, not to mention the jury. Sam had disappeared, but his wife showed up in court, angry and six months pregnant. That's when it finally hit home that he had never intended to be with me. I was looking at five years of jail time when Kyle climbed onto the witness stand, looked the jury in the eye and said that he had told me to get the money out of the office, claiming that it was needed to 'replace essential equipment’. He even said he'd given me his
key card to get in, knowing full well I'd stolen it. He got the charges dropped in ten minutes flat.”

“And that's why you defend him,” Kibum realized. “Because he defended you first.”

Claire nodded. “I didn't go to jail, but my reputation, and by extension Kyle's, was in the toilet. The studio executives fired us and hired new producers for the show, and we watched our precious project slowly decline until they finally pulled the plug. No one would touch us. I couldn't even get a job as a waitress to keep food on the table. Philip, Matt and Jessica were the only ones who stood by us, keeping us off the street as we frantically tried to find work. After eighteen months, we finally got a call from Mr. Park at YN. He read our script and wanted us to make the show over here.”

Kibum frowned. “ 'Our script’?” he questioned. “I have a hard time believing Kyle had anything to do with it.”

“It was his script first,” Claire insisted, “but he couldn't generate any interest. So I rewrote it, and we were both so relieved to get work we agreed to call it a co-write.”

“Does anyone else know about what happened in New York?” Kibum asked.

“The executives do, but they were willing to let bygones be bygones, especially once we agreed to a half-salary. Three months later we were on a plane to Seoul and here we are.”

She took a step forward. “I know what I did was abominable,” she said. “My selfishness and blindness almost ruined a dozen lives. But this,” she said, gesturing to the trailer, “this is our fresh start. This is our chance to try and pull ourselves out of the mud and back onto our feet. And I can't afford to let it slip away.”

Kibum sat there for a while, mulling over her story. Claire felt a sudden rush of fear that he might throw her out and have no further part of her. “Please say something,” she whispered.

Kibum looked up at her. “So, you pushed me away because you were afraid of repeating the past?”

“No,” she replied, “and yes. After that ordeal, I know myself better now. I know what my weaknesses are and the cost of giving in to them. I can't go through that again.”

Kibum stood up. “I'm not married,” he said matter-of-factly.

“I know,” she replied.

He took a step toward her. “And at the risk of sounding impolite, I'm very well-off.”

“I'm aware,” Claire said neutrally.

He took another step, bringing them within inches of each other. “So there's only one thing it could be,” he murmured.

“What?” Claire asked.

He leaned down slightly. “You don't find me attractive,” he answered.

Claire was so surprised she laughed out loud, startling both of them. “Really? That's what you're concerned about?” she asked. “I just told you I'm a naive, selfish, thieving mistress and you're worried I don't think you're cute?”

“It's a valid concern,” Kibum said defensively. “And you may have been those things once, but that's not who you are anymore. You've done your penance and learned a hard lesson. You deserve the chance to start over, and not just professionally.”

He leaned down and kissed her cheek lightly. “You deserve the chance to be happy,” he whispered, his breath grazing her skin. Claire didn't move, trying to decide what to do next.
Kibum stepped back and slid his hands into his pockets comfortably. “If you don't want to be with me, I can respect that. But let it be because it's your choice and not your punishment.”
He sounded relaxed, but Claire could see his fingers pinching the fabric inside his pocket. She looked up and searched his face, but he seemed to calmly waiting, as if he was taking her lunch order and had no involvement in her decision. “Kibum, I-” she hesitated. “I need some time,” she said finally. “This is a delicate situation on all sides.”

She went to the door and opened it, but on an impulse she added, “But I do find you attractive.”

She ran out of the trailer, the door swinging shut behind her.


******


Minho was letting Jessica adjust his robes when he saw Kyle coming up the path. “Here we go,” he muttered, glancing at Claire. She didn't react as Kyle came over and whispered something in her ear, then hurried away like a shy child. Claire smiled to herself and Minho let out the breath he was holding. Must have been some kind of apology, he thought, and about time too.

He looked over where Kibum was standing with Ming Hae and Dong Hyun, the older actor who played Hyeon's advisor. Dong Hyun was telling an animated story that Kibum was completely ignoring as he stared at Claire. Minho fought the urge to laugh as Jessica finished and sent him on his way. “Try not to step on your robes next time, your Highness,” she teased.

“Then when would I get to see you?” he returned suavely, earning a giggle from the costume designer as she walked away.

“She's got a soft spot for you,” Claire commented, tucking her clipboard under her arm. “You remind her of her son.”

“Jessica has a son?” Minho exclaimed.

“Yeah, about your age,” Claire replied. “Is that so surprising?”

Minho looked back at Jessica's receding form. “She looks barely thirty-five,” he said in astonishment. Claire laughed softly. “I'll be sure to tell her that,” she said, shaking her head.

“It's good to hear you laugh,” Minho commented.

“A luxury I don't often enjoy these days,” she returned. Minho looked over where Kibum was standing and Kibum quickly looked away. “What did you say to him?” he asked. “He's been starry-eyed all day.”

“I told him I thought he was cute,” she replied innocently.

Minho's jaw dropped. “You didn't!”

Claire smiled playfully. “Ask him if you don't believe me,” she offered.

“And Kyle?”

Claire's eyes dimmed a little. “He's not so easily won over,” she said quietly. “He lives in fear of the past repeating itself, and after what we went through I don't blame him.”

“But?” Minho prodded.

Claire smiled. “But there's hope at last.”

Notes