Long Distance

“What you want to do?” Hanbin asked the back of Bobby’s head which was resting lazily against his chest. There was no answer.

“Come on, we gotta do something…we never get free time like this.” Hanbin restlessly combed his fingers through the blonde mop of hair in front of him. He was starting to feel ansty. He had slept like a sloth almost without cessation for the last 3 days. Finally today he had woken up feeling refreshed and positive not like the weary, old man he had been for the last few weeks. It had been less than an hour on the couch with Bobby and he was already starting to feel the crushing weight of wasted time. He had once read something somewhere along the lines of “The bad news is that time flies…The good news is you are the pilot.” That had really stuck with him. Time is precious, sitting around doing nothing is like, well, letting go of the plane mid-flight…he shuddered at the thought.

He looked out the window, marvelling at the warm glow of the autumn morning, a stray burnt orange leaf falling here and there. He wanted to see out the window to check for crunchy bundles to step in later but he couldn’t move with Bobby all over him.

He butted Bobby’s head with his chin but still no reply. He tilted his head over Bobby’s shoulder to see what was distracting him. Bobby was scrolling through videos and random memes on his phone. He had such a short attention span though he was barely reading or watching anything before thumbing onwards. Hanbin tutted in irritation and began to bounce his thigh Bobby was using as an armrest. All he got was a sharp slap and stubborn growl.

“Come oo-oo-nnn! We should do something!”

Bobby groaned and sunk down further against the firm chest he had so contentedly turned into a comfortable piece of furniture. Hanbin had been ridiculously placid the last few days, understandable considering he had been so sick. Now he was kicking up a fuss Bobby was almost beginning to wish he hadn’t taken such good care of him. Maybe then he would still be resting in bed, slipping in and out of sleep, letting Bobby take his temperature, pop cold and flu tablets between his flushed lips, sweep the damp hair from his forehead whenever his fever flared up…

Thankfully Hanbin had been too groggy to notice the giddy joy Bobby had taken in his role as nurse. He would never have let Bobby live it down; there would have been jokes about nurse costumes and everything. The pathetic thing was, Bobby mused to himself, he hadn’t that been far off from such a fantasy...The first time he had taken Hanbin’s temperature he had been so distracted by the novelty of it all that he had forgotten the number before he had even managed to check online whether it was normal or not. He raced back into the bedroom feeling silly, muttering apologies and prompting feeble complaints from Hanbin as he stuck the thermometer back into his mouth. He had even called his mum asking for a recipe for the chicken broth she had always made him and his brother when they had been sick as kids. Turned out to be way too hard to follow and he gave up anyway after realising he had returned from the shops with all the ingredients except for the stupid chicken. It’s the thought that counts, he told himself whilst watching Hanbin sleep wrapped in a doona burrito.

Hanbin had worried Bobby almost to breaking point during the last few weeks. His sleep cycles where all over the place from working through the night too often, and he had turned into the dreaded Zombinnie who hardly spoke, hardly ate, hardly looked at him. Fighting over Hanbin’s complete disregard of his physical limitations was hardly a new thing. Bobby could remember worrying about Hanbin’s health from as early as during that first week he arrived at YG. He had been awestruck and intimidated by the self-assured younger boy who seemed years older than him, practicing relentlessly in front of the studio mirrors. In the week leading up to Hanbin’s current physical collapse they had fought bitterly several times. As was typical of Hanbin, who was incorrigibly hard on himself, just because someone was angry and worried about him didn’t mean he was going to listen to them…So Bobby watched on angrily and helplessly as Hanbin burned himself out for what must have been the hundredth time. Finally early one morning Hanbin had peeled his eyes open to find himself in hospital. Apparently he had broken into a fever overnight and begun talking and struggling in his sleep.

“Exhaustion. Rest for at least a week,” the Doctor had declared then added warningly, “that means seven full days minimum, ok?” Hanbin was too tired to chastise himself for the relief that washed over him at those words. At least now there was a valid reason for him not to be getting anything done. He had never classified a lack of inspiration, poor team work, personal problems or his own physical limitations as valid excuses. Anyway, he knew he would somehow find the strength to pull himself out of bed after maximum three days. But somehow three days had turned into four…then five…

It had been awful. When he was awake he was either burning hot or burning cold. The sheets stuck to his aching body as if trying to strangle him and when he finally fell asleep he had the most vivid and horrible nightmares. Every now and again had heard Bobby’s gentle growling voice but had barely been able to take in anything he said. He did remember feeling little glow of relief though, knowing he wasn’t alone with his illness.

But now on the sixth day Tigerbin was up and running again, albeit slowly, but stubbornly looking for something new to sink his teeth into before going back to work. Banned from working for seven days…that ban didn’t include other activities did it? He had suddenly became excited by the prospect of either doing something just for the fun of it or something he hadn’t done in a while. He was actually secretly hoping that being spontaneous would jog something creative and he would be able to finish that song he had been writing…but he wasn’t going to share his real intentions with anyone.

Bobby was scowling. While he couldn’t deny that drive was an incredibly useful characteristic to have in a leader, he still struggled to understand Hanbin’s eternal restlessness. Even when there was no race, no competition, Hanbin still seemed to have his eyes set on a destination only he could make out in the horizon. It’s your stupid, hyperactive, too-clever-for-its-own-good brain. That’s the problem, dude. It never stops, it’s a goddamn parasite! That was his current theory. Bobby was snapped out of his grumpy reverie by Hanbin shaking his shoulders, whining like a baby.

“FINE, fine, fine fine,” Bobby sighed with irritation. He rested his chin on his knuckles in a thinking pose.

“I know something we can do…” Bobby begun. Hanbin waited eagerly.

“How about we….stay here like this and just keep doing nothing?” He deadpanned. Hanbin suddenly had his arm around his neck, taking him in a headlock. Bobby hissed with laughter as the arm tightened, his legs kicking wildly, his phone disappearing in between sofa cushions.
“No. We. Need. To. Do. Something.” Hanbin had gained the upper hand and had taken one of Bobby’s arms hostage behind his back, flipping him over and pushing him facedown into the couch harder with each syllable.

“Or. Else.” Tigerbin snarled. Heat rose through Bobby’s neck and face. Feeling Hanbin’s weight above him pinning him down was kinda turning him on…

“Or else what…? You know I love this position,” Bobby snickered through his squashed cheeks. Hanbin froze and suddenly become aware of just how good the supple and veined arm felt in his grasp.

“Ok, ok, enough of that.” Hanbin scolded, stumbling on his words. He quickly released Bobby and hopped off the couch. Bobby’s flirting never failed to disarm him and leave him flustered. Now he wasn’t sure if he was still getting rid of his fever or if he just needed to put some distance between the two of them. Ever since work picked up they hadn’t really been able to be properly intimate with each other. Aside from a rushed moment or two, here and there, they hadn’t really had very much of each other, and even in those stolen moments they had been a bit angry and frustrated with one another so it hadn’t been very good...He would have to make it up to him as soon as he was better he resolved. Maybe he would do something romantic, go for a drive somewhere? Book a night in a hotel?

He splashed his face with cold water in the bathroom then dried his face. As he pulled away the clean towel he came face to face with a pouting Bobby leaning against the bathroom wall.

“Look, I just want you to rest. Can’t we just be chill…why does it have to be so full on all the time?”

“How about a walk?” He proposed but Bobby snorted derisively at the suggestion. Well that ruled out bike riding…And rock climbing…

“A movie?”

“There’s nothing on we want to see.”

“Um, let’s shop. I want new converse.” Bobby tossed his head back and pummelled the tiled wall with his fists.

“No! You, crazy,” he jabbed Hanbin’s chest with a finger, “You got ten pairs! Think of the poor, you jerk.” Hanbin sighed, he was running out of ideas that he knew Bobby would even at least consider. Bobby hopped onto the bathroom bench swinging his legs and looking slightly smug, awaiting Hanbin’s defeat.

“Come on, you suggest something th-” Hanbin stopped mid-whine, his eyes grew big, his huge childish smile appeared and then right before Bobby’s eyes he had transformed into Dumbin. He remembered the perfect something to do. How could he have forgotten? Months and months ago he’d had this idea and now was the perfect time. It was also the perfect way to make up the last few months to Bobby. Suddenly he was so excited it was ridiculous. Beaming he grabbed Bobby by the wrist and dragged him stumbling to the bedroom.

“Get ready quick, I want to take you somewhere.” He shoved him into the room.

“Where though?”

“OH MY GOD JUST GET READY!” Bobby winced. Damn, Tigerbin could be so shrill. He managed to pull on some ripped jeans and his black old skools whilst sustaining one long irritable groan. Why couldn’t they just relax for once and do nothing? Was it laziness that was one of those deadly sins? No…what was it…sloth, that’s right. Well he didn’t care about the deadly-however-many-there-were-sins anyway. Actually, that might make an interesting concept…he made a mental note of that whilst checking himself over in the mirror before heading out to meet his fate.

He found Hanbin standing near the front door in the foyer, now wearing his mickey mouse snapback and a black hoodie, his lips scrunched adorably as he focussed reading something on his phone, directions probably. Bobby’s heart skipped a beat then did a clumsy little dance. What would be perfectly mundane and forgettable moments with Hanbin for anyone one else were tableaus of domestic bliss for Bobby. In those moments Hanbin was particularly unguarded and oh, so….normal? No, never normal, that made it seem like he was boring and Hanbin wasn’t capable of being boring. He was just especially…comforting. Having Hanbin to himself in moments like this just made him feel at home. And feeling at home was something he more so than the others couldn’t live without these days. Not after having lived so far from his real home, his family, for those three lonely years which were thankfully more and more just a memory. He gave Hanbin’s backside a playful kick as they left the house.

Bobby drove as Hanbin unintentionally tested his patience in a variety of creative ways.

“Okaaaay…next left! Then, it looks like the next right.”

“Looks like?” Bobby quipped. “Can you get certain about that, and make it quick coz it’s coming up.”

“Yep that’s it. Ok, cool, here, pull up just here. HERE!”

“OKAY!” Bobby pulled up to the kerb coming to an abrupt halt. He looked out the window of the shop they had stopped in front of and saw the words PET LAND! in big pastel letters. He shook his head. No wonder Dumbin was grinning at him from the passenger seat like an overgrown kid about to enter Disney Land.

“You serious, another pet? What about Obang? Is he not good enough for you anymore?” But Hanbin was already out of the car and peering goofily into the shop, both hands splayed on the window. Joining him Bobby could see bird cages of all sizes, what looked like strange fluffy gym equipment, stands of zany dog toys…Huh, pretty cute actually, but they were going to be here for a while that was for sure and he didn’t want Hanbin exhausting himself.

“Is this what you’re going to do to me when I get boring? Upgrade me with something cuter? You’re a hard man…”

“Come on, let’s go!”

Hanbin of course headed straight for the puppies, Bobby tagging along feeling like an actual boyfriend. They crouched down next to the big clear compartments housing puppies. Since Hanbin had returned from his Mari and Me stint Bobby had noticed he had suddenly become an “expert” on all animals and their exact dietary requirements and sleeping needs. Bobby nodded mockingly as Hanbin smugly named the dog breeds he recognised.

“Look! They’re poodles! Ah! French bulldogs! No way…are they…oh my god, sausage dogs!”

Most of the puppies were sleeping, stacked on top of each other in piles, their plump little bodies gently rising and falling. Hanbin glanced over and to his delight saw that Bobby had softened a little. He was flashing his toothy bunny smile and softly tapping at the glass hoping to get one of the puppies attention. The puppies Bobby was focusing on had smooth short hair, mostly white, with either black or caramel faces, foxy snouts and velvety triangular ears folded over like the softest orgiami. Hanbin read the card about their breed taped to the glass:

“Miniature Fox Terrier: This little fellow is known for his lively disposition, incredible loyalty, tenacious spirit and keen intelligence. But please, don’t forget to pay attention to his sleek good looks! People who have been owned by this breed feel that their family is not complete without one around.”

Wow, how fitting…He smiled to himself, suddenly feeling a rush of affection towards the dork crouching next to him. That is definitely Bobby. Hanbin clapped a hand on Bobby’s shoulder.

“So, which one?”

Bobby seemed to have forgotten about feeling sorry for poor old Obang and was now eagerly making a selection, his hand resting over his mouth in concentration.

“That one,” he murmured after a while. He pointed to the puppy in centre of the pile. it was the only one still awake, slowly blinking its soulful, sleepy eyes. It had a caramel coloured head except for a white strip running vertically down the centre of its face. It also a little caramel patch across its back. Its tiny tail which whipped to and fro suggested a jovial, cheeky character. The puppy stared back at them with an endearing curiosity. But evidently it was too tired to move. The puppy yawned as wide as it was able, making a tiny satisfied squeak as it did so, before flopping its little head down on the tummy of the puppy next to it and closing its eyes. Simultaneously the boys let out a long silly sound that was something between a squeal and moan.

“That one for sure.” Bobby gasped. They raced to the counter.

“Good afternoon, can we please buy the fox terrier in the middle of the group? The one with the tan face?” Hanbin asked beaming, fiddling excitedly with the hem of his hoodie.

“Oh yes, that’s a little girl. Nice choice! Would you like to take her now?”

“Yes please!” The boys looked at each both grinning like idiots and not giving a damn about it.

“So, what you gonna call her?” Bobby asked leaning against the counter as the shop assistant went to begin the preparations.

“Dude, it’s your dog, you decide on a name.” Hanbin laughed revealing his master plan, giving Bobby’s shoulder an affectionate push. But Bobby froze. Understanding passed ominously over his face like a flash of lightning. This wasn’t the reaction Hanbin had been expecting.

“Hyung, I’m buying it for you, it’s fine,” Hanbin rushed not sure what was going on but trying to salvage Bobby’s light-hearted mood.

“I’ve wanted you to have a dog of our own for ages.” Hanbin smiled earnestly, busting out his best puppy-dog eyes, imploring Bobby to stay present in the moment, let him indulge him this once. But something wasn’t right, Bobby’s jaw was set grimly and his eyes were stormy. Without a word Bobby pushed past him roughly and disappeared out the door. Hanbin’s stomach flipped in surprise. What the...?

“Ok, so this is what needs to happen. First we will..” The shop assistant who had just returned trailed off awkwardly as she realised one of the guys she was serving had left and the other was about to race out the door.

“So sorry - we have to go! Sorry again! Ah!” Hanbin muttered awkwardly, anxiously running his hand through his hair whilst racing out the door. He managed to jump in the car just in time for Bobby to swing out from the curb and take off down the street driving faster than usual.

“What the hell was that?” When he didn’t get a response or even a sideways glance, he tried again. “Hey, what’s wrong? Why’d you run out like tha-”

“-Shut up, ok?” Bobby snapped. Hanbin flinched and coloured with hurt. Then the anger began to boil.

“Is this how you talk to me now? Even when I go to buy you a gift? Fine, I’ll shut up, just let me out so I don’t have to suffer your juvenile behaviour anymore.” Bobby ignored him which only enraged Hanbin even more.

“I don’t get you. I go to get you a dog and you embarrass me in the shop, throwing a stupid tantrum and racing out the door? What the hell? Explain yourself!”

“Hanbin, just shut the fuck up.” Hanbin stared. What on earth was going on. Moments like this when Bobby was genuinely livid were the rarest kind of rare, and completely unnerving. Sure, Bobby got annoyed with him now and again, but he always bounced back so quick, or at least kept his cool especially in public. This was something else. It was scary, hurtful and infuriating all at once.

They drove on in stony silence with Bobby glaring straight ahead, and Hanbin sinking into a grim stupor, staring out his window but seeing nothing. They arrived back home after what had felt like an incomprehensibly long journey. Hanbin felt like he had aged 25 years. He took a deep breath and turned to Bobby who seemed to be waiting, leaning forward with both arms on the wheel.

“Ok, let’s go inside and talk about this.” He wasn’t normally very good at initiating these kinds of conversations, in fact he happily depended upon others to do so. But he was just so baffled he needed answers fast. Bobby’s narrowed eyes peered at him over his arm on the wheel, then looked away.

“Actually, I’m going out now…” Bobby muttered. Hanbin stared. So, it was like that huh? This was the final straw. He scoffed with as much disdain as he could muster before pulling himself out of the car and taking care to slam the door.

But Hanbin hadn’t anticipated Bobby would be gone so long or ignore his messages and finally his calls. The first hour he had stormed agitatedly around the house, feeling angry one minute, then hurt, then disappointed, then depressed. Then the whole emotional roller coaster would begin again…Finally realising how exhausted he was he and flumped down on the couch. It had been the first time he had left the house in 6 days, let alone walked further than to just the bathroom. He was asleep within moments. When he woke up he was freezing cold and had to feel around for his phone in the now bluish evening light. Still no messages, no calls, nothing. Anger peaked again but quickly dissolved into worry. He wandered around the apartment like a lost child, peering into Bobby’s empty room sadly, trying to work out what to do.

What was the deal about the puppy? Was it about the money? Bobby was notoriously careful with his money, never wanting to spend more than he had to and recycling clothes again and again until Hanbin secretly tried to smuggle them into the bin. Was Bobby ashamed that Hanbin was spending a fair amount of money on him, something Bobby hadn’t exactly done for him yet? He honestly didn’t care about that though and he had been sure up until now that Bobby knew that. Bobby preferred to give experiences as gifts so had splashing out like this on an expensive little puppy made Bobby feel uncomfortable? He checked his phone again and sent a few messages to others asking if Bobby was with them. Nope. His rumination began to take a more sinister turn. Now his anger towards Bobby was burning itself out it was starting to redirect towards himself…Had he made Bobby suspect him of ulterior motives? Did Bobby think he was trying to manipulate him? Guilt him into something? Had he disappointed Bobby with his materialism? Did Bobby think he was shallow?

There was the sound of the front door opening. Hanbin was there in a second. The door opened and in walked Bobby, with a sheepish half-smile on his face. Hanbin had been thinking of something snarky to say but instead found himself giving Bobby a gentle but annoyed push on the shoulder.

“I was at Mum’s,” Bobby told Hanbin, knowing exactly what that push meant. “Also why are there no lights on, you like just sitting in the dark or something?”

“I was sleeping.”

“Oh, tired?” Bobby felt Hanbin’s forehead with the back of his fingers, “You seem a little warm again.” Hanbin pushed his hand away not wanting to be distracted.

“Hey what happened today? I want you to tell me! What did I do wrong?”

Bobby sighed. He knew he was going to have to explain everything now, but he just didn’t know if it would make sense.

Once Hanbin had gotten out of the car Bobby had started driving towards his parent’s house without even thinking. Something weird had happened back there in the pet shop that had him freaked out. Looking back he could see now that anger was just his way of holding himself together in that moment. The strange thing was that when he realised Hanbin was getting that cute little puppy for him, he was suddenly seventeen years old again, and desperately missing his family. Suddenly he was feeling anxious, sad, and horrible. He needed to get out of that pet shop and away from Hanbin fast. He needed to get away to pull himself together but also to understand what was going on…

Bobby actually thought dogs were cute. He loved their enthusiasm, how they were incapable of hiding their feelings, the devotion they felt for their loved ones, the sheer joy they took in the simplest things. He loved their purity. When he was a kid he had for a short time imagined he would get one for Christmas, but he had learned early on not to distress his parents with financial demands they couldn’t meet.

One day not that long ago, however, something about dogs and pets in general had occurred to him. They really were like little furry humans. Sure, they were simpler, not as clever, but it seemed to him that they really did feel love pretty strongly… Just before they were leaving to go on tour he and Hanbin had spent several hours in a park walking and playing with Obang. Bobby watched on smiling as Obang ran manic laps around the park before throwing himself into Hanbin’s lap, tongue lolling, eyes rolling happily, snorting excitedly through his squished up nose. Bobby tried to keep it cool, but there was something about Obang adoring Hanbin that made his heart hurt. Then it was time to send Obang to Hanbin’s parents to take care of him. It had been unexpectedly horrible. As Hanbin handed the dog over Bobby was certain he had seen see the dog’s eyes suddenly grow bigger with realisation then fear. Obang began to squirm and fight for freedom whilst Hanbin kept apologising trying to reassure him that he was coming back soon, that they could play again in three months time. Obang had finally broken free and sprinted to Hanbin, comically colliding with his legs then smiling up at his human, obviously thinking it was all a joke. There was no way he was being left behind, no way his human would do that. But then the boys really had to go. Hanbin had once again handed Obang to his mum and then he had closed the door. The last thing Bobby saw was Obang standing in the hall, head tilted, looking confused, his normally bouncing tail deadly still…

It made for an adorable story to share with the others, which Hanbin took great pleasure in recreating being proud of his pups adoration, but something about it had haunted Bobby. Was it the dog’s inability to understand? How did he know if Hanbin would come back…Damn that silly little dog was actually going to really miss Hanbin. Worry about him even. That night Bobby hadn’t mentioned it to Hanbin, or anyone in fact, but he realised he could never have a dog, at least not while he had his career. Maybe later when he had a family. The simple fact of the matter was that there was something utterly unbearable about thinking that a little dog might be, for even the shortest time, missing him…he couldn’t do that to anyone, not even a dog. Maybe least of all a dog. With a dog you can’t explain why you have to go, that you will be back, that you still love them. That was what it was like for him too. He never knew if the next day would be his last at YG…or if a year would stretch into another three before his debut. He’d had no idea when he would see his family again and that was a misery he would never truly forget.

Bobby didn’t want to brag, but when it came to missing people, he was pretty sure he knew better than most guys his age what that felt like. He had arrived in Seoul at 17 years old…it was three years later, after endless nights crying himself to sleep from homesickness, that he had finally seen his family again. What had made it even harder was that he didn’t think many of the other trainees understood the intensity of the loneliness he felt. Most of them seemed to have good relationships with their families, but none of them quite got what he meant when he said family was his everything. His parents and his brother weren’t just family, they were his best friends, his soulmates. What the other trainees didn’t realise was that even when things were going well, maybe his team had received a compliment from YG or a good monthly evaluation, Bobby like the others would be thrilled, so happy…but then only a second later, the cold wave of homesickness would be back again. The happiness of success mercilessly replaced by the same gnawing longing as before. He smiled with the others, but inside he was feeling like a lost child once again.

“Baby!” His mother had cried happily, as she opened the door. She took him into her arms laughing, “What a nice surprise!”

“Hi Mum,” He murmured into her shoulder with eyes closed, enjoying how awesome it felt to have her close. She pulled back from him.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing..”

“Baby, come one, I know my son! I can feel sadness in your hug. What is this??” What he loved about his mum was that even when she was worried about him she still managed to smile and laugh. This always made him feel that no matter how shit things got, she was always there in the background, able to see the lighter side of life.

They sat in the kitchen drinking the tea his Mum had brewed while she tried to open him up. When he was ready to speak though it wasn’t what she had been expecting; Work, relationship problems, fights, creative frustrations…Instead she got a son wanting to talk about the three years he had spent in Korea as a YG trainee.

“Mum, do you think those years did something to me…like changed me somehow?” She frowned, confused.

“What do you mean baby?”

“Well, it’s just like…I feel like I could never do that again. Never be away from my family, and important people…ever, again. Like it would kill me second time round.” Bobby’s voice had become thicker and more gravelly. Damn it, why did he always get like this when he spoke about those three years?

“I still think about those years, though. Crying myself to sleep and stuff week after week. Then I lost my appetite remember? I couldn’t eat for nearly a month. When you spoke to me on skype and on the phone, did you ever think I was depressed?”

Truth be told she had worried that her son had been depressed. Despite his enormous efforts to mask it there had been a sad fragility in his voice whenever they had spoken during those three years. Most of the time she had managed not to cry whilst talking to him, but as soon as she got off the phone she always burst into tears. Seeing her son looking at her grimly across the table she thought carefully about how to answer his question…

“Baby, those years, away from us – your mum and dad and brother – they did change you. I can’t say you are the same boy you were when you left for YG, and yes I did worry if you were depressed.” Bobby felt shaken, as if the glue holding him together was finally losing its grip. Maybe he really was broken as today at the pet shop had made him suspect. His mum reached over and took both his hands.

“But baby, what I mean is that you are stronger now than you were before you left. I think it has changed you for good, baby! You’re more grown up. I never want you to have to do that again, but you won’t have to. Look at you, a Rap star! You never will have to make a sacrifice like that again, so why you worrying baby??” His mum laughed and he chuckled too, allowing her words to comfort him. The strange emptiness that had come upon him in the pet shop seemed to fade away.

“We only did what we could back then to help you reach your dream. Now it’s in the past. There is nothing to worry about. And if you leave Korea I will follow you, don’t you worry! You will never get rid of me!”

He had left his parent’s house still feeling shaken by the emotional memories of those three years, yet also calmer. At least know he understood what was going on…he started feeling a bit silly. He then drove home wondering how the hell he was going to explain everything to Hanbin.

Hanbin was silent for a little after Bobby finished his explanation, staring at him blankly.

“So…you were angry at me for getting you a puppy….because you didn’t want me putting you in a position where you would feel guilty about leaving it behind all the time?”

“Yeah…I guess. Is that stupid?” Bobby shrugged sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. Hanbin stared at him hard. Under that cool exterior Bobby really was such a marshmallow…such a dork.

“No, I mean, I am discovering that you secretly have the moral conscience of Mother Theresa…” Bobby took a swipe at Hanbin, laughing with embarrassment.

“But I get it…you empathise too much because during some of the hardest years of your life you couldn’t see your loved ones…and you don’t want to make your own puppy sad and lonely because we fly all over the place all the time.”

Bobby just shrugged, feeling more and more stupid. Why did Hanbin have to spell everything out like they were living some corny K-drama?

“But I guess I just want to know most importantly if you are sorry you ran out on me in the pet store.” Hanbin was looking serious again now, eyebrows furrowed fiercely.

“Yep I’m sorry, that was pretty dramatic, hey?” Bobby laughed but Hanbin didn’t find it so funny.

“No, promise me you will NEVER do that again.”

“Do what?”

“Get angry like that!” At that Bobby suddenly looked frustrated.

“Are you telling me I’m not allowed to get angry? I can’t promise that. And anyway, how long would it take for you to break that rule if we applied it to you, huh??”

Hmm. Bobby had a point there, Hanbin conceded bashfully. Bobby getting angry like he had today was pretty rare…then he realised most of the time it was Bobby calming him down over something. He felt sorry about that then very grateful. Then he just really needed Bobby and he needed him right now.

“Sorry, I’m sorry.” Hanbin murmured tenderly, placing his hand around the back of Bobby’s neck. It was as if an electric current pulsed through them both at the contact. For one exquisite moment all the tension of the day seemed to throb through their bodies. Then they were in each other’s arms. Hanbin gripping Bobby’s shirt whilst one of Bobby’s hand cupped his face and the other needily grasping his arm. They kissed heatedly and fiercely, pressing up against each other’s bodies, trying to achieve as much body surface area contact as possible. One of Bobby’s hands slid down over Hanbin’s chest and stomach. Hanbin’s knees weakened and his mouth popped open a little bit more allowing Bobby control. Then he was enjoying Bobby’s confident hand pulling up his shirt and slipping underneath. Bobby’s finger tips began to hungrily trail the lines of his stomach muscles, then his belly button…then his...He was barely breathing now and knew he was going to start moaning any second. Suddenly Bobby broke off their kiss and pulled away cursing. Surprised and dizzy, Hanbin tried to catch his breath. Bobby was staring at him looking horrified.

“What?” Hanbin panted. Bobby put both hands to Hanbin’s stomach.

“You feel like a freakin furnace!” He moved his hands to Hanbin’s forehead.

“Yep. Dude, you are burning up. That’s it. Medicine time. Sleep time.” Hanbin groaned plaintively.

“I feel fine, seriously, come here..” He was actually feeling a bit dazed, and definitely very feverish, but he was hopeful that was just because of their moment of passion. He reached out for Bobby again but Bobby caught his arms and began pulling him towards the bedroom.

“Nup. Sorry dude, no action for you. You’re still sick.” Hanbin couldn’t help laughing at Bobby’s flat, disappointed tone. Goddamn, being sick ruined everything…but his eyes were starting to feel very heavy now. He let Bobby sit him down on the side of the bed, tug his shirt off, then his shoes and jeans. A glass of water and some tablets were forced into his hands. He downed the glass in seconds, he hadn’t realised he was so thirsty. He was then pushed back onto the bed with the surly order to get in. Chuckling groggily he complied.

“Ok, ok, I will sleep, but on one condition.”

“What.” Bobby was taking Hanbin’s health too seriously now to indulge any fanciful bartering.

“You have to get into bed with me. Stay with me.” Hanbin smiled dopily up at him from the bed with half-closed eyes. Jesus, he looked so cute lying there in his underwear. It was going to be hard to keep cool lying next to him…but ok, maybe that was better than nothing.

“Wait a sec, need to wash up.” He said smiling.

Fatigue continued to press down upon Hanbin’s body like layers of heavy blankets. He didn’t want to sleep though till he felt Bobby beside him. He managed to keep himself awake by starring at his phone, not really seeing anything, because his eyes wouldn’t focus. Finally Bobby’s weight hit the bed and a cool arm smelling of soap rested across his chest.

“I gotta keep some distance though, you’re still really hot.”

“Thanks, you’re pretty hot too,” Hanbin chuckled making Bobby snort.

“Oh man, you are so out of it. Sleep, ok?”

“Ok, but….I just wanted to say that I promise I will make it up to you as soon as I am better,” Hanbin managed to murmur, moments before finally surrendering to much needed sleep.

Notes