I LoVE YOU//SEVENTEENFF

Soon enough the food was ready and everyone was home we were enjoying our dinner when their manager asked me what it was i had to think over so i started to explain how today went
They were all excited but that was because i had a chance to be a idol in full truth i didn't want to be a idol i would rather be a model and do vocals for tracks but i didn't want to do concerts and dance for the world so much i am shy even if i don't always show it

Becoming a idol is to big of a step I'm not ready to take yet i just looked at them all being happy i then put my spoon down and got up and said "excuse me I'm full I'm going to my room please enjoy your meal" i gave a fake smile and headed to my now finished room without realizing that someone has followed me i sat down on my bed and took my photo album and opened it i took out a photo of me and Meirin and layed down on my bed i held the photo in the air and said "Mei what do i do they want me to be a idol i can't do it I'm not ready for that why can't you be here now i know if you were you would hug me so tight and tell me everything would be okay and that i should just follow my heart i really miss you Mei"

I started to cry even though i was trying to keep it back i sat up straight and hugged my kegs to my chest the photo laying next to me i tuned everything out i was in my bubble again
I got a shock and let out a small yelp when i felt somone touch me i looked up and saw Minghao and Jun there in front of me with comforting smiles they sat next to me Jun took the photo and said "is this your friend"

I nodded he Minghao then said "you looked so happy back then your smile looked bright now it always seems a bit forced" i just layed my head back on my knees it's true i always forced my smile i forced being happy so no one has to worry but in reality I'm broken i don't know what to do I'm scared

I want to make Meirin proud so she doesn't have to be disappointed in giving her life for mine but it seems like i can't do much right i always end up back at level 0 scared that when i get close to someone the same would happen

I then heard Minghao ask "hey why did you just leave a while back it seems like something was bothering you" i nodded and softly started to explain i wasn't ready to be a idol but everyone seems so excited about me having the chance to do it but i couldn't do it

At the end they both hugged me and said it is my choice and my life they can't decide for me so if i want to do the modeling they would support me even if the others didn't

I embraced them both in a hug and said "i know this is weird since we obly know each other a few days but i really appreciate you two it feels like i have best friends again when I'm with you"

I pulled back they smiled and jun looked at Minghao and said "well welcome then best friend if anything or anyone ever bothers you or if you just need to talk even if it is love that is bothering don't worry we are here to help okay"

I felt tears runnig down my face and hugged them again i pulled back and looked out of the window and looked at the starts and said softly "Mei did you send them to me so i don't feel alone anymore" and all of a sudden like the star i was looking at answered me it glowed bright then went faint again i smiled and shut the curtains after say a soft thanks

All of a sudden my door went open revealing all the guys i looked at them shocked theyall stood in front of me and Coups oppa came forward and said "we are sorry for getting to excited about the idol thing we did didn't think as far as how you could handle it if you don't want to do it it's okay remember Yu your life your choice I'm sorry i said I'll be a father to you even if I'm only a bit older than you but yet i didn't act like one once you told us I'm really sorry Yu"

I went up to him and hugged him my mind just worked i didn't even know why and said "it's okay appa you were excited it's okay don't say sorry it's okay you all didn't know that i felt like this because i didn't want to say it because i know if i say it Jeonghan oppa will start to worry again and then he won't focus on practice like he should"

I felt another hug "Yu I'm your brother I'm suppose to worry about you it is my job to worry about you that is why i care fr you so much even if you say i act like a mom because i worry constantly it's because i love you"

I pulled back out of the hug and saw everyone looking a bit sorry i smiled a bit this time it wasn't as fake but it was a bit because now they are worrying about me i don't want pity and i don't want them to worry they all have their own life's to live right why do they care so much

All of a sudden I'm pulled into a big group hug ever now and then getting a kiss on the cheek and when they released me they all said "we worry and care because we all love you Yu you are part of our family Nu'est seventeen and even Manager hyung we all see you as family pabo so don't worry don't be shy and don't shut us out okay"

I slowly nodded in understanding but why do they all care so much for me I'm not as good as most people why do they care for me someone died because of me do they think it is easy to forget that just because they say they care and i love you

Notes