If You

Emily stood in the airport lobby, clutching her coffee with one hand. It was 5 a.m. and they were headed to Hong Kong for MAMA, or the Mnet Asian Music Awards. BIGBANG had been nominated in a few categories and was due to perform before setting off on tour. Daesung had enthusiastically explained all of this for the thousandth time in the car, but Emily felt it was a little too early to be excited about anything.

“Our flight’s been slightly delayed,” Seunghyun said, walking over to her. “It could be another hour before we board.” Emily groaned and sipped her coffee. “Where are the others?” she asked.

“In the gift shop. Wanna come?”

Emily shook her head. “I’ll just sit here and try to actually wake up,” she said, making herself comfortable in a nearby chair. Seunghyun went back into the gift shop and Emily stared at the wall, her thoughts flitting around aimlessly. The airport was fairly busy for the early hour, the first morning flights preparing to depart. The managers and staff were all sitting in a group near the gate, making phone calls or checking social media.

“So, Jiyong finally came to his senses,” Sagowa said, sitting in the chair next to her. Emily nodded. “Yeah, it’s kind of nice to not be yelled at constantly,” she said, pulling her coat tighter around herself. “Does this mean you’ll give his solo album back?” she asked. Sagowa chuckled. “Soon. We have to make sure he’s not pretending just to get his way. Maybe after the tour.”

“Mr. Sagowa,” Emily said, sitting up slightly, “I can vouch for Jiyong. He apologized and had been genuinely nice to me. Please don’t put off his album any longer.”

Sagowa raised an eyebrow. “You sound like you’re starting to care about him,” he said, looking at her closely. Emily shook her head. “Everyone goes through rough patches,” she said quietly. “Don’t punish him for being human.”

Sagowa smiled. “I’ll take that into my deliberations,” he said, getting up. “You’ve handled this entire situation remarkably well, Miss Carter. That hasn’t gone unnoticed.”

“You can call me Emily, you know,” she replied lightly. Sagowa laughed. “Good work, Emily. And good luck,” he said, winking at her. He rejoined his staff and Emily leaned back in her chair. That went well, she thought, closing her eyes. She was starting to drift off when there was a crash right beside her, startling her. She opened her eyes, her heart pounding. Seungri sat beside her, out of breath from running. He had landed in the chair so hard it was pushed back several inches. “Sorry,” he said, scooting the chair up. “I picked out a present for you in the gift shop,” he said, handing her a small bag. Emily pulled out the paper and peeked inside. “What the…” she trailed off, pulling out what looked like a surgical mask made of black fabric.

“Look at the other side,” Seungri prodded. Emily turned it over and saw that there was a Korean phrase written on it in big white characters. “What does it say?” she asked.

“I love Seoul,” Seungri said proudly. “I wanted to get you something touristy, but also something useful.”

Emily turned the mask around and around, confused. “It’s nice, but...what is it?”

“It’s a mask,” Seungri said, as if it were obvious.

“Yeah, but why are you giving it to me?” she pressed.

“It’s for you to wear. I haven’t seen you wear one, so I thought you might need it.”

“But why?” Emily insisted. “Is it for flu season or something?”

“No, it’s because of the pollution. We all wear masks sometimes to help filter it out. You should wear one, especially in places like airports or industrial areas.”

“So that’s why you wear them!” she exclaimed. “I thought it was some avant garde fashion statement.” She put it on, adjusting it over her nose. “How do I look?” she asked, her voice slightly muffled.

“You look great,” he said, grinning. “Don’t you have to wear them in the States?”

Emily thought about the fresh country air at her parents’ ranch, the way it infused the house with a crisp sweetness, and felt sad. She must have shown it because Seungri took her hand gently. “Are you okay?” he asked tentatively.

Emily smiled, pulling down the mask. “Yeah,” she said, smiling. “I was just thinking about home. We’ve never had to wear anything like this, even in the city. The air is so pure and clean we used to open all of the doors and windows and let it fill the house.” She squeezed his hand warmly. “I guess I just took that for granted,” she said softly.

Seungri shook his head. “It’s not all bad,” he said brightly. “There’s some beautiful parks and preserves here that are breathtaking. We’ll have to visit one in the spring, show you another side of South Korea.”

“Where are we going in the spring?” Seunghyun asked, walking up to them. He and the rest of the guys were holding little paper sacks and munching on something that smelled delicious.

“One of the national parks. Emily hasn’t been outside of Seoul yet,” Seungri said, eyeing Seunghyun’s bag. “What are you eating?”

“Spiced nuts,” Youngbae said, his mouth full. He had returned only the day before, slipping in in the wee hours. He looked a little haggard, but with the magic of hair and makeup you almost couldn’t tell he’d been in lockdown.

“Look, Seungri gave me a present,” Emily said, putting the mask back on. “What do you think?” she asked, turning her head from side to side.

“It’s...nice,” Seunghyun said, sitting across from her.

“She’s never worn a mask before,” Seungri said, stealing nuts from Daesung’s bag. “They don’t wear them in America.”

“Really?” Jiyong asked, sitting on the floor. “We’ve been to America a few times; Los Angeles, New York City, you know, and I’ve always wondered about that.”

Emily nodded. “I was really confused when he gave it to me. I thought it was a fashion statement.” The boys chuckled at this, making Emily’s cheeks warm. “Sometimes it’s hard to tell with all the crazy stuff you wear,” she said defensively.

“What part of America are you from?” Seungri asked. “Sagowa mentioned you worked in New York.”

“Sometimes, but I don’t live there. I’m from Nashville, in Tennesee. It’s in the South.”

“Nashville?” Youngbae said, perking up. “I’ve heard about it. Dolly Parton lives there.”

Emily blinked. “You listen to Dolly Parton?” she asked disbelievingly.

Youngbae shrugged. “Sure. I like her voice. It’s different.”

Emily chuckled. “I didn’t see that coming,” she confessed. “I’m not really into country music. A lot of it’s just about beer, trucks and women. It’s not my thing.”

“So you grew up in Nashville?” Jiyong asked, popping more nuts into his mouth.

“About thirty minutes outside of it, actually. Compared to cities like L.A. and New York, Nashville isn’t very big, and a lot of the properties around it are farms and ranches. My parents bought a place that used to breed horses, but they didn’t do that. We just had a few riding horses and one really mean goat.”

The boys were paying attention now, and Emily felt a flood of memories rise up as she talked. “There were some hills on the edge of our property, and sometimes I’d ride up to them and watch the sun go down behind the mountains. Everything is so green in the summer, and in the fall the maple trees by the driveway turn deep red. When I was little and it would rain, my mom would leave the windows open and the cool air would blow through the house. I’d wait until she wasn’t looking and go outside to play, even if it was chilly. I got so many colds because of that, but I didn’t care. It was too beautiful to ignore.” She stopped, coming out of her reverie. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ramble on.”

“What else?” Daesung pressed, his snack forgotten as he leaned in. Emily looked around the group. “Seriously?” she asked, surprised.

“You can’t stay shrouded in mystery forever,” Seunghyun said, crossing his legs comfortably.

Emily sighed. “Fine. What do you want to know?”

There was a pause as the guys considered their responses. “When’s your birthday?” Seungri asked.

“March tenth,” Emily replied. “I’ll be twenty-four next year.”

“You’re only twenty-three?” Youngbae asked incredulously.

“How old did you think I was?” Emily asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh no, it’s not that you look older, it’s just-” Jiyong elbowed Youngbae in the leg and he stopped abruptly, looking uncomfortable.

“What’s your family like?” Seunghyun asked.

“Loud,” Emily said promptly. “I have three younger brothers and a baby sister, so things are constantly in uproar. My parents run a counseling center near our house. My dad likes to build birdhouses and my mom bakes. It’s pretty normal stuff.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Daesung asked, wiggling his eyebrows at her suggestively.

“Oh, you know you’re the only man in my life,” Emily deadpanned, sending the group into a fit of laughter. “Besides, now that I’m working internationally I can’t really maintain a relationship. It’s too much.”

“What about movies, books, music?” Youngbae asked.

“I like sci-fi and fantasy, but my favorite movie is Gone With the Wind,” Emily replied. The boys looked at her blankly. “You know, Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh? One of the most beloved classics of all time?”

The boys looked at each other, then shook their heads. “Never heard of it,” Seunghyun said. Emily sighed. “You’re really missing out,” she promised. “Jane Austen is my favorite author, and I’ve probably read Pride and Prejudice a hundred times. I take my copy with me everywhere.” She pulled the little paperback out of her satchel and held it up for them to see. “As far as music goes,” she continued, putting it back, “I like pop and rock ‘n roll mostly, but I enjoy good hip hop where I can find it. I’m still pretty new to KPOP, though. I’ve got a few groups that I really like…”

“Who?” Youngbae asked, interrupting. “Do you have a favorite?”

“If you’re asking if BIGBANG is my favorite group, then…” Emily trailed off.

“You mean we aren’t?” Seungri exclaimed, surprised.

“It’s not that you aren’t amazing, I just hear your music constantly,” Emily said apologetically. “I live and breathe BIGBANG now, so I listen to other groups in my free time.”

The boys seemed slightly disappointed by this. “So who is your favorite?” Jiyong asked, tilting his head.

“I like a lot of groups, but SHINee is probably my favorite,” Emily confessed. “Jonghyun’s voice is really beautiful.”

“Beaten by SHINee,” Youngbae said thoughtfully. “I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Try not to take it too personally,” Emily said, smiling.

Sagowa came over, sliding his phone back into his jacket. “We’re almost ready to board,” he announced. “Try to nap on the plane, today’s going to be a long one.”

They all stood, gathering their things hastily. They lined up outside the gate as the attendant took her post by the entrance. She scanned their tickets and waved them through, smiling brightly.

They were flying first-class, something Emily wasn’t accustomed to. She eyed the plush seats and high definition TVs as she walked. Being in an entourage has its benefits, she thought. She found her seat and put her bag into the overhead compartment. The strap caught on her arm and the bag slipped, but someone reached around her and caught it. “Careful!” Jiyong grunted. He hefted the bag in one hand. “You could knock someone out with this.” He tucked it back into the compartment deftly. “These compartments are tricky,” he said, snapping the lid shut. “You’ll get the hang of it.”

“Thanks,” Emily said, sitting down by the window. Jiyong took the seat across from her, the morning sun spilling across his sweater. “Are you...nervous or anything?” he asked awkwardly.

“I fly a lot. It’s never bothered me.”

“No, I meant about the tour.”

Emily looked up from her phone. “Not really. I’ve never been to China or any of the other countries before, but I’m not worried about it.”

Jiyong seemed to accept this. “What about MAMA?” he asked, glancing out the window.

“I’ll just stay low and take notes like I always do,” she said, shrugging. “I’ll be backstage most of the time anyway, so I should have a lot to write about.”

The plane began speeding down the runway, eventually lifting into the air. Emily watched Seoul grow smaller and smaller as the plane climbed, until finally they broke through the cloud layer and began cruising. The sky around them was perfectly blue, and the clouds stretched out in all directions like a blanket.

“Are you nervous?” Emily asked suddenly, looking back at Jiyong. He shrugged. “A little. Not about the performances or anything, but I’m personally up for Best Male Artist and Best Rap Performance. For some reason being nominated for awards makes my stomach churn.”

Emily smiled. “You’re pretty good at hiding it,” she commented.

“I have to be. We all do,” he whispered, tugging on his beanie absently. “Once you let your nerves show, it’s really hard to perform well.”

Emily tucked her legs under her. “You’re going to be great,” she said encouragingly. “Just promise me you’ll try to sleep this week. I’ll knock you out with a brick if I have to.”

Jiyong chuckled. “Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”

Emily closed her eyes, sleep beginning to claim her. Here we go, she thought drowsily, and she was asleep.

Notes