---

Smiling. I can’t stop thinking about it, and I can’t stop smiling...

It’s crazy from the moment we touchdown in Hong Kong Airport. And I don’t just mean the masses of fans that are gathered outside.

I wasn’t too sure about the plane ride at first. Planes remind me of the one I took to come to Korea in the first place, and the memories of the divorce that came with it. This plane, however, was a little different. Instead of an escape, it’s a new chapter.

“You look nervous, Mina,” said Jungkook, “Have you flown before?”

Taehyung slapped the back of Jungkook’s head and scoffed. “Are you stupid?” he laughed. “How’d you think she got to Korea?”

Jungkook flushed with embarrassment. “Oh, yeah,” he said sheepishly.

The plane ride was fairly uneventful, as plane rides go. There were no screaming babies, except Hobi yelling a few times, and nobody threw up on the way – although Jimin did say he felt a little queasy through some turbulence. With Mom having travelled over yesterday, only Kyung Hee was around to screech at me, and she was busy with the champagne and magazines the private jet provided. I even managed to fall asleep – admittedly on Suga’s shoulder – and Jungkook fell asleep across us both.

“Hey,” said the voice a little above my head.

I tried not to smirk as Suga attempted to shift my heavy head from his shoulder. He gave up after a while, and I remember smiling as I felt his head rest against mine. Sure, Jungkook was lying across the both of us, but it made the plane journey that little bit better.

Even as the plane touches the ground, I still can’t stop smiling. A certain someone has managed to put me in a good mood recently. The future seems to promise uncertainty and a whole lot of craziness, but for now it seems like its going okay. That thought doesn’t stop my nerves about the whole situation though.

There are still unsettled butterflies in my stomach as we drive over to the MAMA stadium the following morning.

The entire day is a rush. So many things are happening all at the same time that I hardly have enough space in my brain to think. My mind is occupied with three things: Suga, schedules... and Suga. Everything else just whirls past me – beautiful costumes; red carpets and cheery presenters; cameras capturing the day from every angle.

What I wear seems awfully understated. Even Kyung Hee has chosen a smart black dress and heels for the occasion, and she’s going to be backstage the entire evening. And my jeans and sneakers combo doesn’t seem to match up to Nari’s immaculate style either.

Nari... I’d forgotten about her until now.

She prowls the length of the BTS waiting room in her heels, like a predator hunting their prey. In this instance, I’m the prey. She keeps giving me death glares every time I so much as speak, or look in her direction. And don’t even get me started on my offensive behaviour of interacting with the members. It’s like she’s trying to threaten me... and it’s working.

Pfft, I’m not scared of her! That’s what I’d like to say. But it’s obvious how easily she can take everything away from me – how easy it would be for her to get rid of my presence. It unnerves me how much power she has, and how little influence I have over my own life. She could snatch away everything and what would I be able to do about it? Nothing.

“Hey, you,” says a voice.

I look up and Suga’s looking my way with a curious sort of expression. I raise my eyebrows at him to ask what he wanted, but all he does is toss me a bottle of water and smile a little.

I take a sip of water and sigh heavily. The drink makes me feel a little better at least. Hopefully, if I get a grip and pull myself together, we won’t have an episode like last time. I can tell he’s still looking at me in concern, so I smile at him. Satisfied, he smirks and wanders off.

He thinks it’s sorted. I can’t tell him the truth about Nari and me, not right before such a big show. And the time for them to head out to their seats is creeping closer by the second. Besides, it’s not like Nari’s even said anything yet.

“If Kyung Hee asks, I’ll be back in a minute,” I mumble to Jungkook and Taehyung, who are absorbed in a game of bottle-flipping.

“Okay,” says Jungkook distractedly.

“I’m so much better at this than you,” remarks Taehyung to Jungkook as I leave.

I slip out of the waiting room and find my way into the toilets to try and clear my head. I splash cold water at my face and tell my mind to shut up and let me relax. Then I close my eyes to dry my face with a paper towel. I keep them shut until I force myself to take the deepest inhale and exhale possible.

“Are you having a bit of trouble, Mina?” a voice deadpans from the doorway.

It’s scary – a voice with no emotion. This time, there isn’t even any sarcasm or disgust.

I crumple the paper in both hands and meet her eyes. “Nari,” I whisper.

“Yes,” she says, “Good old Nari. Nari – who worked for years to get here, who wanted nothing but respect.”

I toss the paper towel in the nearest bin and take a breath. “I’m sorry if you’re having a hard time,” I tell her quietly, “But I would appreciate it if you left me out of it.”

That’s when she scoffs. “Because this is all about you, isn’t it?!”

“Excuse me?”

“How many times do I have to tell you?” Nari yells. “You don’t deserve to be here – I do! Why do you have to take everything from me when you shouldn’t even be here?”

I find myself biting my lip at every word. “I do deserve to be here,” I mumble, but I’m not sure even I believe it at this point.

“You’re nothing but a cheat,” says Nari, prodding me with an outstretched finger as she comes closer. “Kyung Hee doesn’t think you’re good at makeup. She was just trying to be nice to you because Ji Yeon is her senior. So stop pretending that you’re good at anything and quit while you have the chance!”

She towers over me with her extra height and heels and it feels like she could break me in two. “You were the one who made me redundant,” I mutter. “I was good at...”

“Shut up about you!” Nari screeches. “I hate you! This was supposed to be my big break, and you ruined everything for me.”

“I haven’t done anything to you,” I say in my defence, balling my fists.

“That’s what you think, loser,” says Nari, clenching her jaw. “I’m going to do everything in my power to get you fired. Mark my words, by this time next week you won’t have a job!”

Enraged, I raise a hand, but she grabs my wrist and pushes me to the floor. Then she storms out, her heels clicking menacingly with every step. And I’m left there... wondering what to do next.

There’s a rush of noise outside and I flee to the dark comforts of backstage. If I step a little further into the light from the stadium, I can just about catch a glimpse of the enormous audience amassing to watch the show. But I stay in the darkness, arms crossed, pondering.

“What do I do, Xiumin?” I whisper.

It’s the thought I go back to every single time. Even as I mutter it aloud, I wonder what Xiumin would tell me to do. He’d stand up to Nari for sure. Or maybe he’d get back at her secretly... I wish I had someone I could talk to about it, but only Suga knows what she’s really like. And I can’t tell him now.

I let out a loud groan. “What do I do, Xiumin?!” I say again, a little louder this time.

“Can I help you with something?”

The voice behind me just spoke. It answered to his name. And it sounds exactly like him like in all of the videos. EXO’s Xiumin?!

I slowly turn on my heel, my heart racing as I see who just spoke. I’m way too excited. Is it him? Is it my EXO bias? I set eyes upon the man who stands behind me, who stands not too far above me in real life.

He smiles at me. He smiles at me.

“H-Hi,” I utter. Suddenly, I’m completely star struck.

“Hello,” says Xiumin formally, giving me a little bow. “Did you need anything? I just heard my name, you see.”

“Oh, yes,” I blurt. “I, um... I sometimes say that. Sorry.”

Xiumin chuckles a little. “That’s okay,” he says. “Are you upset, though? You sounded a little distraught just then.”

“It’s nothing,” I assure him. Xiumin is the last person I would want to burden with my petty problems.

He looks really handsome in his costume and makeup and his freshly dyed hair. His hair is really pretty. I keep staring at his eye makeup, and wondering what incredible human being got the chance to do it for him. I think my mouth falls open but I’m unsure. I’m such a total fangirl. He is so much more beautiful in real life, if that’s even possible – is the only thought going through my mind.

“Well,” says Xiumin, “If you’re having a hard time, remember that it won’t last forever.”

I swallow. “Why not?” I ask him.

I mean, it hardly seems like Nari will be going away any time soon.

He cracks a small smile. “The world doesn’t do that do you,” he says, all very poetic and philosophical.

It’s like a weight is lifted from my shoulders, and from my heart. Xiumin’s assurance is like a blessing. I also can’t believe he’s standing right in front of me... in actual real life.

“I think I need to get on stage,” Xiumin apologises, “But good luck with whatever is bothering you.”

“Thank you,” I mumble as he smiles that angelic smile one last time and walks towards stage entrance.

Just as he leaves, another person who makes me smile approaches from the opposite direction.

“Hey, you,” Suga says, coming to stand at my side. “Have you been here the entire time? I thought you’d done something stupid and gotten yourself lost...”

I don’t really hear much of what he’s saying. Is this what happens to people when they meet their bias in real life?

Suga snaps his fingers in front of my face to get my attention. “Hey. Why is your expression like that? Who were you just talking to?”

That’s when I crack. I let out a happy little squeal and reach up to shake Suga by the shoulders. “I just met EXO’s Xiumin!” I squeak.

Suga gives me a pained look. “Get your hands off me,” he says, grabbing my hands from his shoulders and holding them in his instead.

“I can’t believe it was really him,” I ramble. “Oh my god, he’s so handsome.”

“Hey, you can’t have a crush on Xiumin!” Suga protests. “That’s gross. He’s way too old for you.”

I meet his eyes and pout. “You’re four years older than me,” I point out.

He struggles with that one. “But that’s... fine,” he says eventually. “Anyway, it’s different. I’m better.”

“Aw,” I say, throwing Suga a smirk, “Are you jealous of EXO, Suga?”

Suga scowls at me, trying his best not to let a smile reach his face. “Of course not,” he says. “But you have to stop looking at that Xiumin guy. It’s weird.”

“He’s my bias, Suga,” I complain, “How can I not look at him?”

“Try closing your eyes,” Suga deadpans.

That cracks me up and I start laughing. “Shut up, you,” I say, trying to loosen his grip on my hands.

Suga just holds them tighter and draws me closer to him. “Tell me why you were out here on your own,” he whispers in my ear. “I’m not stupid. I know something’s up.”

“Suga!” I hiss. “What if somebody sees us?”

“So what if they do?” Suga shrugs. He raises an eyebrow as he meets my gaze. “Nothing’s happening between us, is it?”

I practically glare at him. “Do not even try and do this again,” I warn. “You drove me completely crazy.”

“That’s because you’re dumb,” Suga states.

I step on his toe, since I have no hands free to slap his arm. “Seriously, Suga! What if one of the other members comes over here?”

“If you’re so worried,” says Suga, “Tell me what’s going on and I’ll let you go. Is it about that Nari girl again?”

I try my hardest not to let my face fall at his mention of her name. I can’t dump this on him – not now. He has to perform at his best, and it wouldn’t do any good to burden him with this just minutes before he goes out on camera.

So that’s why I say, “It’s honestly nothing. I just needed some space.”

He doesn’t look convinced. He’s too smart for that. But he seems to let it go... for now.
“Well, I’d better get on stage,” he says. “Don’t look at that Xiumin guy whilst I’m not here to do anything about it.”

“He’s really, really handsome,” I tease him.

Suga wrinkles his nose as he gives me one of those looks. “He’s too old,” he tells me.

“Why do you care about him anyway?” I ask. “I mean, you don’t like me at all, so...”

“You don’t like me either,” Suga counters. “Now, wish me luck on stage. I’m going. Bye.”

I roll my eyes at him, and he squeezes my hands one last time before going to find the other members and get to their seats. I did the right thing... didn’t I?

I slip back behind the scenes to try and avoid any confrontations with the other members, or the devil herself. I’m stuck between wanting to slap someone and wanting to cry. Xiumin’s words echo in my mind and it’s a slight comfort.

“If you’re having a hard time, remember that it won’t last forever. The world doesn’t do that to you.”

I still can’t believe I really met him. Me. A fan of about one month. Me.

Then I’m thinking about the conversation I had with Suga. My first reaction is to smile a fluffy smile as I think about him and his laugh and jealous ways. Then I sigh. He knows something’s going on. Sure, he doesn’t exactly know that Nari’s planning to get me fired, but he knows me well enough to realise something is wrong.

I wish I could just tell him.

I wander into the empty BTS waiting room and plop onto the couch across from the TV screen. I can watch MAMA from here, I think, which is the best thing I could be doing right now. At least it will take my mind of the ‘you’re going to lose your job’ palaver.

Suddenly, someone bursts through the door into the room, and I stand up in surprise. But to my relief, it’s only Eun Ha in a pale pink coat.

“Eun Ha,” I breathe, greeting her as she comes in.

“Hi, Mina,” she says, sitting by me on the couch, “I came as quickly as I could – straight from the airport.”

“Didn’t you get a seat?” I frown, looking at her in confusion.

Eun Ha fixes her short bob of hair and catches her breath. “I only just got my manager to give me a few days off,” she explains. “I didn’t think I’d be able to come so I didn’t get tickets.”

“Oh,” I say. “But couldn’t you sit with the other idols?”

Eun Ha laughs softly then. “I’m just a rookie, Mina,” she says. “Someday though... I’d love to. Anyway, BTS will be on soon, so we need to watch.”

I turn on the TV and the awards show flashes onto the screen. It’s weird seeing such a big arena that’s in the same building as me. It feels like a world away. The performances begin and Eun Ha and I fall silent to watch.

And MAMA totally beats the other two awards shows I’ve been to so far.

“Oh my gosh,” Eun Ha murmurs as BTS come on for the first time.

“Are you a fan of BTS?” I ask curiously, still trying to shake off the edgy feeling Nari imposed upon me.

Eun Ha grins. “The biggest,” she whispers. “Aren’t you?”

“Sort of,” I shrug. “I mean, I’m not really an ARMY, but they’re cool.”

“Mina, you literally work for them,” Eun Ha laughs, slapping my arm gently.

Yeah... I’m not sure how long that will last...

“Is that Jungkook?” I say, quickly changing the subject.

And it is Jungkook – coming down from the ceiling on wires. Eun Ha squeals. And then Hobi comes on with a solo and whoa, it’s amazing, but then it only gets better because Jimin appears and suddenly it’s a mashup and the entire stadium is going crazy.

Their stage is impressive, to say the least. But I can’t really concentrate. I keep worrying and worrying about what Nari said. I wouldn’t be so anxious if she was just making empty threats. But it makes my heart lurch at the fact that she really can get me fired.

And that’s the last thing I want to happen right now.

All of this is a bit of a mess. I’m supposed to be Kyung Hee’s personal assistant. I’m supposed to be learning on the job – learning how to become a makeup artist. Only since Nari arrived at Big Hit, things have been tumbling into a downhill jumble of awfulness. And the worst part is that I have no idea what I should do. Heck, I don’t even know what I want.

I want to keep my job.

Do I really? Does it matter that much? I never wanted to become a makeup artist’s intern. It was kind of sprung on me without many alternatives. Of course I took the offer. I’m not stupid. Mom would force me into some science college otherwise and I don’t even have the grades.

I want to take photos.

I can’t remember the last photo I took. It feels like an age since I last held my camera and took the perfect shot. I miss it.

I want to stay at Big Hit.

That’s true. I do want to stay. But why? There’s nothing for me here. There’s no special job where I can get paid for taking pictures. So why do I want to stay so badly? And then it hits me.

I want to stay with Suga.

Is that it? Is that the real reason I’m so desperate to keep my job, the reason I’m so anxious to lose it? Is it all because of him? I think about the way we kissed on the rooftop and my face flushes. A few months ago I would never have wanted to be anywhere near him. A few months... Is that really how long it’s been? It feels like longer. It feels like years.

But is that seriously the reason I want to stay? Because of a guy? I suppose he is the only person I really trust right now, and the only person who seems to have my back. Being with him is like being with an old friend, only he’s a new friend – a very new friend. Maybe it’s not that I want to stay at all. I need to.

I need to stay with Min Suga.

“You’re terrible, Mina,” I whisper in English under my breath.

I watch the rest of the show with Eun Ha. Nobody comes to find us. I wonder if they have realised I’m not there... or if they even care. Eun Ha squeals over every group she likes (I only have a similar reaction for EXO, but that’s not the point) but I spend most of the time over thinking my life and wondering when anything can actually just be good.

They’re handing out the awards a little later on and Eun Ha is tense beside me. She suddenly grabs my arm as they’re announcing who won Artist of the Year.

“Please, please, please,” she mumbles, almost as if she’s praying.

“And the Artist of the Year Award goes to...”

Even my eyes are glued to the screen at this point.

“...Bangtan Sonyeondan!”

Eun Ha goes crazy with excitement whilst my mouth drops. I watch their reactions on the screen and my heart almost bursts as they start to cry. I almost start crying myself. I’ve seen them working hard every single day and hell do they deserve this. You’d think we’d have gotten over this after Album of the Year, but this one just tops everything they’ve won before. A smile is pulled onto my face.

“Mina, come on!” Eun Ha says, grabbing my hand and dragging me out into the corridor. “They’ll be coming off stage in a minute. We should hurry and meet them!”

It’s a race to get backstage before they do, but we meet right in the middle. In the corner of my eye I can see Eun Ha leap into Taehyung’s arms, but that isn’t really what I’m concentrating on right now.

I’ve never seen Suga cry before. Or at least, not like this.

He approaches me, a hand still clamped over his mouth, tears running down his cheeks. He looks majestic in his red costume. He meets my eyes and I smile at him.

“Congratulations,” I say, nodding my head, trying not to cry myself, “You really deserve this, Suga.”

He suddenly reaches out his arms and brings me into a crushing embrace. “Don’t,” he whispers in my ear.

I can feel his breath on my neck, ragged from crying. I want to look at him and ask him what he means but he’s hugging me too tight. He knows what I want to ask anyway.

“Don’t call me Suga,” he says, and for a moment it’s like déjà vu. But then he says,

“You can call me Yoongi now.”

---

Notes

Hey guys!
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Yeah.

So... where have I been for like the past TEN YEARS?!

Apologies. Sorry if anyone actually likes this story and was waiting for an update :/ Well, here it is! I hope you enjoyed that chapter - the last line was one I've been waiting to write for AGES OMG.

Quick notification: I now have a Wattpad account where I am also posting this story. Account name = asterisksoo. The cover is a little different cause I messed around a bit with colours and images and stuff, but the account is mine so don't worry. Also, any new chapters will be going up on here first (cus I'm loyal and stuff) and that's basically it.

Please, please, please feel free to leave me a comment and tell me what you think! Also vote and subscribe (is it called subscribe? I haven't been online in about a decade) and support this story if you like it! Thank you for everything and sorry for this long-ass author's note,

asterisk xx