---

The lights are out and my eyes are closed and Min Suga’s lips are pressed against mine.

What the hell?

I still don’t quite understand how we got to this point, in all honesty. One minute we were yelling at each other, and now we’re... kissing? It all happens so fast but it feels like an entire lifetime that we’re stood there. And everything’s such a whirlwind that I don’t even have time to realise what I’m doing until it’s already done...

I kissed Min Suga.

Suddenly, a light flickers on and the room is flooded with light. There’s a loud banging at the door and voices calling through it. And just like that... it’s over. We break apart. And I’m totally lost, and completely confused.

“Yoongi-hyung?” says a voice that sounds like Jimin.

“Is anyone in there?” shouts someone that is probably Hoseok.

I’m still frozen to the spot, but Suga heads over to the door and thumps on it from the inside. “The door’s stuck!” he says, and his voice is all gruff and I don’t know how to feel about it.

“Let me try,” says Jungkook’s voice from the other side of the door. I can almost see him barrelling into it from the outside, and smashing into it shoulder-first.

Which totally works.

The door slams open with the force of an entire Jeon Jungkook, and Suga and I are both standing inside, blinking in the sudden light. The six other members look in on us, and I can feel the heat rising to my whole face. Often it’s just the ears, or maybe the cheeks, but I currently feel like a tomato.

“We were starting to wonder what happened to you guys,” Jin remarks, breaking the silence beforehand.

“I was getting really hungry,” Jungkook puts in.

“I’ll second that,” says Taehyung.

“You can’t still make them go out and get chicken,” says Namjoon, shaking his head. “They’ve been stuck in there for over an hour and it’s late.”

“The fried chicken place is still open,” Hoseok points out rather unhelpfully.

That’s when I clear my throat and take my cue to leave. “I’ll buy you guys chicken another day,” I tell them hastily. “We should all get home and get to sleep before tomorrow.”

I hurry past them into the corridor and try to find my way back to the entrance of the building. It’s obvious that I’m going in the wrong direction though when they follow me, and turn me down the right way. We end up walking back to the front doors together.

I still can’t believe that happened.

“Mina!” calls Mom once we get to reception. She looks super tired. We should get home soon.

“Did you finish everything, Mom?” I ask her.

“Enough,” Mom shrugs, barely satisfied with her efforts even though she’s been working for days on end. “I’ve called a cab so we should get going. Here’s your phone.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I say, going to slip my phone into my coat pocket.

That’s when I realise I’m still wearing Suga’s coat.

I slip it off my shoulders as fast as I can, and turn to locate him with my eyes. I bump straight into him and thrust the coat into his arms. I can’t even look him in the eye. What did any of that even mean? Of all people, could Suga... like me? No, it’s a ridiculous thought. He’s a world-famous superstar and I’m just... me. But then why would he kiss me? Surely he can’t-

“Hey,” he says quietly.

My eyes trail up to meet his. His expression is once again unreadable. “Yes?”

He pulls the coat over his own shoulders and swallows. And what he says next is the worst:

“Forget that ever happened.”

The words echo in my head, first in Korean, and then in English. My heart plummets. Of course, how could I have been so stupid to even think for a moment that-? No, shut up, Mina – you’re only making things worse. I want the entire ground to swallow me up. Sure, there’s confusion and a twinge of disappointment, but more than anything I just feel utterly stupid again. For a moment, just a moment, I’d thought... I thought he might just like me.

I don’t say a word after that. The farewells of the other members are faint in my mind as I follow Mom outside to the taxi. All I can think of is him, and how completely dense I can be. Of course it was never going to happen. Of course I was being ridiculous. With me, that’s nothing new.

When we get home, I go to my room and shut the door. I don’t even want to think anymore. I feel numb. But emotions-wise, I don’t really know what to feel. It’s not like I like him back... is it? Anyway, it’s pointless thinking about it now. It’s over. It happened and now it’s over. But my mind keeps jumping back in time. It keeps reliving the moment as if to taunt me. I try to clear my head but one thought remains.

I kissed Min Suga.

I need to get it out of my head. I reach for my laptop and click onto YouTube. It’s EXO all down my recommended, so I prepare for a long night. They take my mind of things for the time being. I don’t actually fall asleep. I know it’s a bad idea, but I’m not sure I even care anymore. If I lose my job, who cares? I won’t get to bring coffee anymore – big deal. But... I won’t get to see... him.

“Shut up, Mina,” I hiss at myself.

It’s just ridiculous! I don’t even understand why I care. I force myself to focus on the glowing screen in front of me, but even EXO aren’t enough to distract me permanently. I sigh and roll over.

“What do I do, Xiumin?” I whisper to the EXO member I will never meet.

I should just move on. Shouldn’t I? I should get over this and go to work tomorrow as if nothing has happened. I’ll do my job to the best of my ability, and remain completely professional. That’s what he wants, isn’t it?

“Forget that ever happened.”

Yes, that’s what I’ll do. And so, with that in my head, I fall asleep and get in a few hours before the alarm clock goes at six.

The AAAs.

That’s what day it is today – the day of my very first awards show. The Asia Artist Awards. 16th of November. From the moment I open my eyes, it’s a total rush to get to the venue on time. I pull on the ripped jeans and a shirt, which I’m still buttoning up as I run out of the apartment. Mom’s already left well before I have to.

Here’s my plan for today: avoid Suga. If I don’t have to talk to him, I can’t embarrass myself any further. It’s a great plan – right? Unfortunately, plans I make never actually go to plan, which is something I discover upon reaching Big Hit Entertainment.

“Ah, Mina, you’re here!” Kyung Hee exclaims. “Get in – you can ride with us.”

So I climb into the car and the driver sets off. Taehyung’s hair is no longer blond but a medium brown. And I’m stuck next to none other than Min Suga. Brilliant. And to make matters even worse, Nari’s riding with us too. I can feel her sneer boring into the back of my head.

Needless to say, it’s going to be a very long ride.

I listen to Baby Don’t Cry by EXO through one ear, and absorb Nari’s conversation with the other. I mean, I don’t really care what she’s going on about this time, but part of me is curious. As long as she’s trying to make conversation with the members, it means that she’s not talking to me at least.

I try to forget that Suga’s beside me. I try to clear my mind and zone out. I try to stop thinking about the kiss late last night. Trying obviously doesn’t work. I keep thinking about it and it won’t just get out of my head.

I kissed Min Suga.

Yep.

I’m straight out of the car as soon as we pull up around the back of the awards show venue. I hesitate to wait for Kyung Hee’s instruction, watching the members in the corner of my eye as they head inside first.

“Right, let’s go in then,” says Kyung Hee, happy to finally be at an awards show, I suppose.
Nari and I follow her into the building. Nari glares at me. I ignore her.

“There’s so much to do today, girls,” says Kyung Hee as we journey down several winding corridors. She begins to list various tasks, but I stop listening. I know what job I’ll be doing all day.

We reach the main makeup room for BTS and I almost think I’ve gotten away with receiving zero insults in Nari’s presence. I’m wrong.

As Kyung Hee turns the corner, Nari hisses in my ear, “I don’t know why you’re still here, loser.”
I will myself to hold together, and I do – just about.

The day is full of big and exciting things to see, and I’m suddenly very glad that I brought my camera along. I figured that since I’ll be stuck on coffee duty, I’ll probably have a lot of free time. And lots of free time means taking lots of photos.

Time ticks away as usual, but every second seems to drag when I’m thinking too much like this. I decide to take a trip over to the costume section to find Mom, winding my way through corridor after corridor. I’m still humming Call Me Baby when I slam straight into somebody else.

And just my luck – that somebody is Suga.

He’s all ready in costume and makeup, looking practically angelic. I, meanwhile, slightly want to die.

I freeze, stuck to the spot. I don’t want to think about what happened in the Genius Lab late last night and by what he said, he obviously doesn’t want to either. But I keep bumping into him unexpectedly, and it’s making ‘not thinking’ kind of impossible.

My eyes trail upwards to his lips... only to find his gaze lowered to mine... It’s making me nervous. Why doesn’t he just move?! He said it himself – to ‘forget that ever happened’. So why is he just as frozen as I am?

In the end, I figured that if he’s not going to move then I should. I mutter a string of curses under my breath and try and step past him. Obviously, now is a brilliant time to do that awkward two-person sidestep, which is then what happens. I eventually get past him and let out a heavy breath I didn’t realise I was holding. He is still the most confusing person I have ever met and I swear I’m going insane.

I retreat to the abandoned dressing room to cool my cheeks off, and try to get my stubborn frame of mind back. Remember what he said, Mina. He doesn’t like you. That... incident... was nothing but a mistake.

“Forget that ever happened.”

That’s what he said. I need to keep reminding myself, or I know I’ll do something that I’ll regret. For a moment last night I thought... maybe he likes me. It’s obvious now that I was wrong, and I need to move on. So why do I continue to think the same thoughts?

My mind is taken back to the... kiss. I close my eyes just like I did back then, and my heart starts racing all over again. I try not to think about it. I fail. I touch a hand to my lips as I remember the way his were pressed against mine...

“Mina?” a voice laughs.

My eyes shoot open and my hand falls to my side. My cheeks are burning again as I see who stands in the doorway. It’s Taehyung and Jungkook, and both of them are giggling.

“Are you alright, Mina?” Jungkook asks, grinning at me.

“I’m fine,” I say quickly, but I know that they can see how red my cheeks have gone. I cough. “Why wouldn’t I be alright?”

Taehyung and Jungkook exchange a glance. “It’s just...” says Taehyung in amusement, “You look like you’re remembering... a kiss.”

He and Jungkook crack up again, and I’m left floundering before them. What am I supposed to say to that? The Kiss flashes back into my mind again and I mentally swat it away. It’s bad enough that I have to relive it several times an hour – but now Jungkook and Taehyung know something’s up.

I shake my head at them. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I insist.

“Really?” says Taehyung with another giggle, “Are you sure you don’t have a boyfriend, Mina?”

My eyes go wide, mostly because I’m now imagining Suga as my boyfriend, and that thought is completely ridiculous, and very embarrassing. Taehyung continues to laugh, but Jungkook looks a little more sympathetic... thankfully.

“Hey,” says Jungkook, nudging Taehyung in the ribs, “We shouldn’t tease Mina so much. It’s not like you know what it’s like to have a girlfriend anyway.”

For some reason, Taehyung falls completely silent at that remark.

I take the opportunity to clear my throat. “Aren’t you two supposed to be on stage or something?” I point out.

“We’ve just finished our dress run,” Jungkook explains. “We’ll be on later. You should watch!”

“I don’t think that would be very appropriate,” says Nari, entering right when we don’t need her around.

“I don’t see why it wouldn’t be,” says Jungkook. Nari throws him a look and he quietly adds, “Noona.”

“Well,” says Nari sweetly, putting on a smile, “Mina is supposed to be working. We can’t all take breaks when we want to.”

She picks up tissues and a bag of makeup brushes, and then we all watch her leave. Taehyung still looks lost in his own thoughts, and Jungkook just looks a little stumped. As much as I’d like to watch them perform, I know that parts of Nari’s digs are right.

“Don’t worry about it, Jungkook,” I say, “I shouldn’t watch.”

“You don’t want to?” Jungkook asks.

“It’s not that,” I promise him, “It’s just that I should be working. And I’ve seen you perform Blood Sweat and Tears plenty of times. I can watch the show when I get home.”

“We’re performing Fire as well,” Jungkook counters, “And there’ll be lots of other groups performing today too.”

I’m about to refuse, but the words other groups stick in my head. “What other groups are here today?” I ask, just out of mild interest.

Jungkook looks faintly triumphant as he starts to list groups. He reels off a good number, but only one catches my attention. “...Seventeen, Black Pink... EXO...”

“EXO?” I repeat.

Jungkook raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, they’re here. Why? Do you like them?”

“Um...” I hesitate, “I was just checking to see if I heard you right.”

Inside, I’m sighing – heavily. I wish I could go and watch, but deep down I know that Nari is right. I should be working. Who knows when I could lose my job?

I watch the entire AAAs when I finally get home from work. Avoiding Suga all day long is pretty tiring, especially when I keep running into him. The show is incredible – nothing like I’ve ever seen before. I wonder what the next awards show will be like – and whether it will be better or worse.

We all spend the next three or so days back at Big Hit.

“Can I help you with anything, Mom?” I ask.

It’s much easier to avoid people when they’re busy in dance practise and you’re busy in costume design. I’m not even sure what happened to my old job of being Kyung Hee’s assistant. I don’t think she really needs me anymore. I’m not sure what I’m even getting paid for.

I go to the cafeteria to get some lunch, hoping that my timing is right and I should be gone long before the members come down for food. I sit, eat, and wonder what I’m going to do. I’m not too worried about my job at the moment. The company need everyone they can get during times like these. Awards shows are a lot of work. I’m more contemplating the topic of Min Suga, and what I should do about him.

“Mina?”

I nearly spit out my lunch.

“Uh... yes?”

I turn around and breathe a sigh of relief. It’s Hoseok.

“Oh, hi, Hoseok,” I say, releasing a nervous laugh. “Did you come to get lunch too?”

“Yeah, I did,” says Hoseok, taking a seat beside me. “Why? Who did you think I was?”

My eyes widen. “Nobody!” I exclaim. “I mean, I don’t really... know.”

“Okay,” says Hoseok, though he looks faintly confused. “Are you trying to avoid someone or something? It sort of looks that way.”

“Avoid someone?” I squeak. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Hoseok frowns at me, but then slowly chuckles. “If there is anything you need to spill, you can tell me,” he says. “Don’t worry. I don’t mind what it is.”

“Really, it’s nothing,” I tell him, nodding my head quickly.

“If you say so,” says Hoseok. “Anyway, have you been enjoying the awards show vibe so far?”

“It’s been okay,” I say, glad that he’s steering away from our previous conversation, “You guys sure are busy.”

“That’s true,” Hoseok laughs. “You should see what Jimin and I have planned for MAMA.”

“When will that be?” I enquire.

“Beginning of December,” Hoseok answers between mouthfuls. “It’s going to be a great stage.”

“I’m certain it will be,” I say sincerely.

I can’t concentrate on this, though. I can’t stop thinking about that damn kiss. It’s driving me crazy – that stupid man. Why can’t he keep his lips to himself?

“Mina?” Hoseok asks, snapping his fingers in front of my face.

“Oh, sorry,” I say, “What were you saying?”

“Nothing much, don’t worry,” says Hoseok with a dimpled smile. “Are you sure you’re alright, though? You seem a little dazed.”

“I’m perfectly fine, honestly,” I lie, “Thank you for your consideration, though.”

“You’re welcome,” says Hoseok, finishing his lunch. “But if you need any help avoiding people, I’m free.”

I laugh at that. “Thanks, Hoseok,” I say.

“Call me Hobi,” says Hoseok, “That’s what all my friends call me. You should too!”

For a terrifying moment I thought he was going to say ‘call me oppa’. “Sure,” I agree, glad to have made better friends with this cheerful man.

“Well, see you later!” says Hobi on his way out.

“Bye, Hobi!” I try out the word. And then I sigh. Avoiding people is hard.

---

Notes

Hey guys!

Sorry for not updating as soon as I should've. I spent last week with no internet so I couldn't post anything :( Wifi is back now though, and I've got the next several chapters planned - please look forward to them!!

Please leave me a comment and tell me what you think! It's really helpful to know what people think of Internally, so I would really appreciate it :) Also, stick with me through the next chapters as they are likely to be very eventful. And, as always, read, subscribe and vote!!

Thank you for all your support,
asterisk xx