Warning: Very mature content in this one. Ready with caution!!

“Are you sure this is okay? Shouldn’t we just use cranberry juice?”

“Cranberry juice.” The look painted across her face was no joke. It almost scared Hongbin how serious she appeared, her expression screaming out the feelings that her partner was a complete moron.

“You know, something that just looks like alcohol. Drinking real beer will get us drunk too quickly to produce anything good.”

“What, you have a weak liquor tolerance? We won’t drink barely any, just enough to get a good shot.” Hongbin still didn’t agree with her, and bad feelings were beginning to grow in the pit of his stomach. At that moment he felt like he wanted to talk to Taekwoon. Tell him how much he loved him, and how his partner seemed quite reckless.

No matter how greatly Hongbin disagreed, in the end his partner got the better hand. Hongbin couldn’t tell her that he would surely get drunk from a bottle or two, as he had never drank more than a few sips before that night. His dad had been an alcoholic, and Hongbin had always been off put by the substance after watching what it did to his father. His dad was a nice man, but his desire for more had driven him mad. Hongbin didn’t want the same thing to happen to himself or anyone else for that matter.

Hongbin learned the hard way that he never should have given in that night. It turned out, Hongbin was a very light drunk. Two bottles in and Hongbin was seeing stars, the room spinning around in circles and his vision growing hazy. Every last thought of the project was gone, and all Hongbin could seem to do was ramble on about Taekwoon. How wonderful he is and how much he missed touching his skin.

Hongbin couldn’t process what the woman next to him was doing. She didn’t seem to be nearly as drunk as he was, however she too had completely forgotten of completing their work. Hongbin looked up at her, seeing her own dark brown locks one second, and the next her face started to look more and more like that of his boyfriend’s. The last thing he remembered she had asked him to walk towards the door with her. Hongbin had taken one step, immediately growing dizzy and toppling onto the hard wood flooring.

Hongbin had awoken emotionally hurt with regret rapidly filling his heart. He didn’t fully remember what had happened or what exactly had possessed him to do what he had done. He only knew that he had woke up in a bed that wasn’t his own, in a bedroom that definitely wasn’t one that he recognized. He awoke completely naked and laying next to the female he had been assigned to be partners with.

Hongbin scrambled from the bed, his hands gripping his chest as his heart raced thousands of miles a minute. He wouldn’t have. He never could have cheated on Taekwoon, much less with a woman. He was gay. He always had been so this had to be just one big misunderstanding. It had to be. He loves Taekwoon. He really does love Taekwoon and he never would have cheated on him. He really didn’t, and they never did anything together.

Hongbin pleaded that it was a lie. He begged and prayed to every soul in this universe that would listen, screaming to himself thoughts that were supposed to be meant as some sort of comfort. No matter what Hongbin did to convince himself, it felt as if he had been stabbed in the chest once she told him what had happened. He had done it. Hongbin really did do things with that person, and the girl entirely remembered every last detail of it. She said she had encouraged him to do it thinking that getting pictures of the two acting romantically would make a good photo for the project. She had known Hongbin was dating someone yet she didn’t care.

Hongbin grabbed all of his belongings, his body acting separately from his mind. He exited the girls place, barely making it onto the sidewalk before he collapsed into tears, sobs wrecking his body. Hongbin really hadn’t meant to. He didn’t know what overcame him in that moment but Hongbin really hadn’t meant for anything to happen. His limbs felt weak, intense sobs wreaking havoc onto his body.

Hongbin had barely been able to register the vibration. Moving his hands upwards from the ground, Hongbin tried to wipe the tears from his face. He sniffled as he pulled the phone from his pocket, seeing Taekwoon’s contact ID in front of him. Hongbin stopped breathing for a moment, fear and panic controlling his body.

Hongbin didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He knew that he would never be able to live with himself if he lied to Taekwoon. Hongbin had never lied to him before, and starting now would only destroy any sense of peace that could still be salvaged from there relationship. Hongbin also didn’t know if this was the right moment to tell Taekwoon though. The morning after, a complete and utter mess, while sitting on the very street of the girl that he had done it with. It didn’t seem like the right place, and at the very least Taekwoon deserved for the girl to be far far away from them both.

That thought running through his mind, Hongbin didn’t answer. Instead he allowed the call to transfer to voicemail, gathering his camera that had fallen and standing himself back up. His legs weren’t steady and Hongbin’s entire figure shook, however he managed. Leaving every last trace of that project behind him, Hongbin sprint away. He sprint away from the area, running and running until every last bit of oxygen had left his lungs.

The way back to his apartment had seemed to take ages and Hongbin had been crying for good long piece of it. Even the most miniscule thought of Taekwoon would send Hongbin’s mind in a frantic state, and he wondered how he was ever going to tell him while he was this way. He questioned how he was ever going do as little as utter the words.

Upon reaching his apartment Hongbin had thought he needed to collect his mind. He felt it wasn’t right for him to be acting this heartbroken, especially if he was about to tell his boyfriend about what he had done. Taekwoon should be given the space he needed to react however he needed to, and Hongbin felt it was wrong to burden him by saying the words while in tears.

Hongbin rested his mind within his own bedroom, wishing to control himself just for a few short minutes. Just until he had uttered the words and Taekwoon had done as he desired, most likely breaking up with him. Hongbin didn’t want to do as much as think about the scenario, but he was well aware that it was highly probable. A life without Taekwoon was not a life Hongbin wanted to experience, but these types of things will of course split the two people apart.

Hongbin hadn’t been prepared yet, however deep down he knew that he would never be entirely okay. By the time Hongbin had received the fourth call from Taekwoon, he knew that it was time he get the task over with. Hongbin picked up the phone, his fingers trembling too much as he did so. He had needed to lean the phone against his countertop, setting the angle towards himself so that he could be seen. Hesitating slightly, Hongbin pressed the button and Taekwoon’s beautiful face flashed across the screen.

“Sunshine, you never called me last night. Was your project harder than you expected?” Hongbin’s gaze glared towards the mattress, his eyes refusing to look up from his lap. The air caught inside his throat and it felt as if he couldn’t breathe.

“Sunshine, are you okay?” Hongbin didn’t need to look at his face. He could hear the intense concern seeping through Taekwoon’s voice.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen to you? Are you hurt somewhere?” Hongbin knew that he was acting like a child. He had answered this call so that he could let Taekwoon know what happened and apologize, yet all he was doing was letting Taekwoon worry. Hongbin knew this wasn’t right and he just had to muster up the courage at some point in time. It would better for them both if he did it quickly. Barely able to do so, Hongbin gathered the courage to look up from his legs. Taekwoon looked beyond concerned….he looked scared. Hongbin couldn’t handle the sight, bursting into tears immediately.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so very sorry Taekwoon, i-it was an accident. I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t---I didn’t know what-.”

“Wait. Wait, hold on. Take a deep breath sweetheart, what happened? What are you sorry for?” Hongbin didn’t want to do this. He knew that it was necessary, but he didn’t want this to be happening right now. Hongbin knew at that moment that he couldn’t bear to loose Taekwoon.

“I-I screwed up Taekwoon. I’m so sorry, but I-I went to meet my partner last night and we---we-“

“You what?”

“We had sex Taekwoon.” Hongbin looked towards the other’s face, wishing with all his heart that lightning would come forth and strike him dead in that moment. Hongbin had never seen Taekwoon look so heartbroken before. “I’m so sorry. I was really drunk and-and she pushed for us to get in bed together. I’m so sorry.” Silence infected the air, Hongbin struggling to restrain the tears once again.

“How….how drunk were you?” Hongbin could no longer see Taekwoon’s face, however he could tell from his voice that he was crying. Taekwoon choked the words out as if it physically pained him to speak.

“All I can remember is that I couldn’t stand straight anymore…she asked me to stand up and I fell over almost immediately.” Hongbin could clearly listen to Taekwoon sniffling, his eyes barely registering the sight of his hands reaching to wipe his tears away.

“You didn’t do it because you---you didn’t like something about us….did you?”

“No, of course not hyung! Please, I—I love you I really do. I love you with all my heart, I just didn’t know what I was doing.” Taekwoon sniffled a few more times before his face fully came back into the frame of the camera. Hongbin’s soul felt as if it was shattered seeing his eyes so red and puffy.

“Okay. It was a mistake then. As long as you really mean it when you say you still love me, I can forget about it.” Hongbin sat there for a moment, his entire being stunned beyond belief. That quickly? Hongbin knew that Taekwoon was quick to accept things as they are, however never in a million years would Hongbin had thought Taekwoon would forgive him just like that.

“Oh my god hyung, yes! Yes I swear on my life that I mean it and I promise to never go near a drop of alcohol so long as my body is still on this earth.”

“Alright then. Let’s just forget that it happened and move on. The amount of extra work I have is beginning to die down. How about I come to see you this weekend?”

“Yes, of course hyung! Yes.”

“Okay, I’ll see you in a couple days then.” Just like that, the call was finished. Hongbin still had trouble believing that this was actually reality. That Taekwoon had actually just forgotten about it that quickly, however Hongbin had no reason to think that he didn’t. Taekwoon had even planned to see him again, just a few days from now.

The days passed by gradually, and Hongbin began to realize that perhaps Taekwoon hadn’t been as accepting as he said he was. Just as he said he would, Taekwoon came to visit Hongbin during the weekend. Everything went very well, besides the fact that Taekwoon had been acting extremely touchy. Hongbin had needed to step around him lightly otherwise he would grow irritated very quickly. If Hongbin didn’t have a hand touching Taekwoon at all times, Taekwoon would grow very angry with him.

Hongbin had been more than able to accept this fact, knowing that what he had done would of course put Taekwoon on edge. He was well aware that it would take time to grow Taekwoon’s trust back, however with time it only seemed to get worse. Before he knew what had happened Taekwoon had forbid him from doing so much as looking at another human being. Taekwoon had started drinking and things only escalated, however Hongbin didn’t look back. Hongbin knew he had done wrong, and he deserved to endure whatever it was that Taekwoon needed to feel assured once again. Hongbin had still moved in with him a month later. Taekwoon had blindfolded him along the way, claiming he was scared that the neighbors would do things to him if they saw his face.

~Present Time~

Hongbin should have begun preparing for Taekwoon long before he had actually chosen to do so. He had told him that morning that he would work on his cooking skills, therefore Hongbin was aware that Taekwoon would have high expectations. Hongbin mentally slapped himself at this moment, knowing that he should have set an alarm before he allowed himself to sleep for so long. Instead Hongbin had awoken an hour later than he was supposed to, taken ages to change out from his now entirely nasty boxers, and was running extremely late in preparing for dinner. Taekwoon would be home any moment now and Hongbin was far from nearly ready.

Just as Hongbin scrambled across the kitchen, desperately searching out the correct kitchen utensil, he heard the door start to creak open. Hongbin froze in place, listening intently to every tiny peep that could be heard from Taekwoon’s direction.

“Fuck.” Hongbin whispered quietly underneath his breath. Taekwoon was piss drunk. Hongbin didn’t need to look at his face to recognize what condition the other had arrived in, but rather he could tell from the sound of Taekwoon’s footsteps. They were louder than usual, dragging behind him and stepping unevenly, like he was more stumbling foreword than walking.

“Hongbin!” Taekwoon’s voice only reassured Hongbin of what he had already become aware of as his lover slurred though speaking the name. Hongbin rushed towards the living area, attempting to appear as if everything was casual, although he knew what would happen with Taekwoon in his current state. Taekwoon stood in front of him, his cheeks colored bright red and his eyes struggling to focus on the other. “I get home, and what do I see in front of me? Nothing. What the hell have you been doing?!”

Hongbin attempted to distance himself as Taekwoon stumbled towards him. Hongbin could practically see the steam coming from his ears.

“I’m sorry, I slept a little long. I’m running behind tonight.” Hongbin bit his lip, attempting to repress the urge to wince in pain as Taekwoon gripped Hongbin’s hair, hauling the younger towards him without a hint of care. Hongbin could smell the alcohol in his lover’s breath as he spoke directly onto the others cheeks.

“Aish, just what I needed. You stay home all day and yet you can’t manage to do something as little as making dinner properly?” Hongbin couldn’t suppress the scream. He listened to the sound of his bones pop as Taekwoon tossed him foreword, his back and shoulder crashing violently against the wall.

“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

“Damn right you promise.” Taekwoon neared closer, his foot connecting quite sharply with Hongbin’s rib cage. Hongbin could have sworn he heard something snap as Taekwoon grabbed his hair once more, using it to shove his head against the back wall. Hongbin began seeing stars, blood seeping from something inside his body starting to drip off his broken lips. “It just must be your mission to make my life difficult, isn’t it?”

Hongbin couldn’t reply, his lungs expelling blood onto the carpeting as Taekwoon dragged him to the front room. Taekwoon’s footing was too unsteady, knocking tables towards the ground and ramming Hongbin’s limbs into various objects as they so. Hongbin watched the phone tumble towards the floor when Taekwoon yet again started to fall foreword, hearing a click as the fall triggered some sort of response from the machine. He watched this, however Hongbin could not retain focus for long as his lover yanked him in front of his direct eye sight.

Hongbin watched as Taekwoon undid his pants, pushing them around his ankles and allowing his growing erection to be seen. Taekwoon struggled to keep Hongbin steady as the younger titled from side to side, his body lacking the energy and capabilities to hold itself upright. Hongbin was aware that something was very wrong this time around. His chest pained him too greatly, there was too much blood caught in his throat. Taekwoon had broken something he didn’t intend too.

“T-Taekwoo--“Hongbin couldn’t finish speaking the word. Blood expelled its way from his throat, making Hongbin scream in pain as his chest protested every kind of motion. His body only revolted against itself more, as Taekwoon forced his erection into Hongbin’s mouth.

Hongbin knew what he wanted, and usually he would have given it to the other gladly. This time he couldn’t do it. Hongbin couldn’t breathe, his throat choking on Taekwoon’s long length and his lungs halting from something else entirely. Hongbin couldn’t speak, only barely able to register Taekwoon’s words as tears dripped down his face from pain.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Taekwoon relented for a moment. Taekwoon pulled himself from Hongbin’s mouth, Hongbin’s head dropping towards the floor as more blood came. “Hongbin! Hongbin keep your fucking head up and look at me!” Taekwoon yanked Hongbin’s head towards his face once again, truly looking at the other’s condition for the first time.

“Hongbin?........Hongbin!” It was like a switch flipped in his brain. For the first time since Taekwoon had started hitting him that night, Taekwoon actually looked at the other’s condition. Hongbin’s eyes were closed, his head dropping foreword as he struggled to breathe. His lips were beginning to turn a purplish-blue and tears of pain were streaming down his cheeks.

Taekwoon stopped, fixing his appearance before easing Hongbin down onto his lap. It seemed as if Taekwoon had suddenly become sober within those few seconds, as if he suddenly cared. “Hongbin! Hongbin, oh my god! Stay with me please! Please, I’m getting help!”

Taekwoon searched for the phone. He searched and searched, but the room had become a mess and nothing was in its correct place. Panic started to set in…started to debilitate him as the realization hit Taekwoon that he had done all of this.

Sirens appeared from nowhere and people began barging into the house. Paramedics and police officers, the later grabbing Taekwoon and pulling him away from Hongbin. The paramedics took one look at Hongbin’s condition and immediately screamed for a stretcher to be brought in. Taekwoon watched as they lifted Hongbin, screaming out medical terms that Taekwoon couldn’t register, setting an oxygen mask over his lips before they pushed him away.

Taekwoon began crying, the officers holding his wrists behind his back and cuffing them without hesitation. He didn’t know what was going on, and he didn’t understand how any of these people knew what had been happening. All Taekwoon knew was that he had done it, and he had hurt Hongbin far beyond what he had ever intended. The officers took Taekwoon away in tears, Taekwoon not protesting as they pushed him into the back of the police vehicle.

~Three Days Later~

Hongbin felt as if he had been hit by a truck. His head moved from side to side as his eyelids attempted to force themselves open, the later not very accepting of the light. He didn’t know where he was. He didn’t know what was happening, except knowing that his chest hurt like hell.

“Hongbin! Hongbin, are you okay? Are you hurting? Do I need to call the doctor?” Hongbin struggled to recognize who the voice was that spoke next to him. It took him a moment before he had been fully able to open his eyes. Fully able to register where he was, in a hospital bed. The man in front of him was Wonshik, although a slightly odd and aged Wonshik. Hongbin started to panic, trying to lift himself up but quickly stopping once his chest screamed in pain from the action.

“Don’t move. I’ll call the doctor in.”

“No. What the fuck is going on?! Why are you here? Where the hell is Taekwoon?!” Hongbin struggled to sit himself up, Wonshik reaching his hands out as if he had been attempting to help him. Hongbin pushed his him away, sensing that he had done something. Hongbin remembered what happened now. He remembered what Taekwoon did but he didn’t care. Hongbin felt like he was out of breath now, he was in pain but it didn’t matter. He wanted Taekwoon.

“Calm down Hongbin. Don’t scream, or you’re going to hurt yourself. I’m here because I brought you here. You called me from the house phone.” Hongbin hesitated. He hadn’t called him. Well, sure he had called him earlier in the morning but why the hell would Hongbin call him when Taekwoon was angry?

Hongbin began to flash back to that night, running through the events in his head. The phone….Hongbin had heard the phone click when it fell. The force must have pressed a button and it dialed the last call that was in its memory. Shit, what the fuck did Wonshik do to Taekwoon?

“What have you done? Where is hell Taekwoon!” Hongbin coughed and wheezed as he screamed, his body clearly not happy with the excessive force.

“Hongbin, stop! You’re hurting yourself! I did what any sane person would do and called the police! When you’re friend calls you and you can tell that someone is hurting him, that’s what you do! They tracked your home phone and sent officials to your house. Taekwoon is in the county jail.”

“What? No! No we---we need to-get him out.”

“Hongbin for lord sake, will you stop talking?! Let your body catch its breath! Do you understand how badly he hurt you? When the paramedics got there you were barely breathing. He broke 2 of your ribs, one piercing and therefore collapsing your lung. You also had an extremely severe concussion, you’re lucky to be alive!”

Hongbin halted all his movement for a moment, reluctantly doing as Wonshik said. Hongbin hated to it admit it but Wonshik was right about at least one thing. He needed to stop talking for a moment, or else Hongbin may pass out before he had a chance to save Taekwoon. Hongbin didn’t care how badly Taekwoon had hurt him. Hongbin was going to recover and he wanted Taekwoon to be there as he did, he couldn’t let Taekwoon rot in a jail cell.

“I---I need to get Taekwoon back.”

“For fuck sake, no you don’t! What you need is help and I plan on getting you some. I’m not letting you slip back into that monsters hands again. A friend of mine referred me to a really good psychiatrist, and I’m taking you there. Taekwoon’s going to stand in trail and he’s going to pay for what he’s done to you.”

“Wonshik….no. No please don’t do that. Please don’t make him go through that.”

“Hongbin, this is why you need help. Stop defending him! Look what he’s done to you! He practically raped you and beat you till you might as well have been dead. Stop defending him!”

“No, I---- I want him here. I want to see him. I don’t want him to go to prison. ---------- I don’t care what happens to me, but please don’t do that to him.”

“Hongbin, why? Why are you so dead set on protecting that fool?”

“Because it’s my fault!!” Hongbin rested for a few moments, letting oxygen return to his lungs before he continued speaking. “Taekwoon was nice, he—he was a great guy. Taekwoon has been suffering just as much as me, and this all happened because of what I did. ------------- Don’t force Taekwoon to go through any more pain….please.”

That was the first moment in years that Wonshik actually looked like he may have registered the words Hongbin spoke. This conversation was far from finished, however there was hope. Hongbin smiled for the first time in years, hope glinting through his eyes.

~6 Months Later~

Saying that Hongbin was enthusiastic at this moment, far too small to truly describe how great Hongbin was feeling. It had been forever, and through these long months the time seemed to double. It had taken a long time for Hongbin to recover from his injuries, especially after Hongbin had strained himself so much just days after it occurred. Hongbin had spent months in that hospital bed, Wonshik being irritating and overbearing to a degree when Hongbin almost wished that he had suffocated just so the later would shut his mouth.

Wonshik had annoyed Hongbin to no end, not only obnoxiously obsessing over his physical health, however arguing with him over his mental health as well. Just as he had said, Wonshik had forced Hongbin to go see a specialist. There she diagnosed Hongbin as having dependent personality disorder, prescribing him nearly every drug Hongbin could possibly lay his eyes on. They all tasted awful, and still Hongbin would never take them if he didn’t know that Wonshik had paid hundreds of dollars for the damn things.

After Hongbin was well enough, Wonshik insisting that he live at his place. Hongbin didn’t want too but he gave in, quickly wishing he had just stayed in the hospital. Wonshik had become overprotective of the other to a beyond disturbing degree. Hongbin would never be fully recovered, meaning that any excessive exercise or strenuous screaming would leave Hongbin breathless quite fast, causing Wonshik to become a scary threatening mama bear. Hongbin so much as walked to quickly to the kitchen, Wonshik would be on him faster than someone could snap.

All that going through his head and for a while Hongbin still refused to do anything. His progress was slow, and it had taken months of therapy and medications to get Hongbin to the point he was at now. To the point where, Hongbin still pleaded that he would see Taekwoon again. Hongbin still prayed to the heavens at night that Taekwoon would somehow appear on his doorstep, however he could care for himself. Hongbin didn’t think he would cook for him again, or let Taekwoon hit him anymore after what happened.

Hongbin knew Taekwoon had gone through the same. Wonshik refused to bail Taekwoon out of jail, however Hongbin had convinced him to provide Taekwoon a good lawyer. Taekwoon had gotten off easy, not having to serve jail time on the insanity plea. Instead Taekwoon had spent the past six months behind the walls of a mental hospital, recovery from alcoholism as well as a few unnamed mental disorders. Today was the day he would be released.

Hongbin was ecstatic, wanting desperately to go see the other once again. Wonshik…not so much.

“Hongbin, I don’t think you’re ready for this. Maybe we should wait a couple more months.”

“Wonshik, no. Wasn’t telling you that you could creepily stalk us enough? Taekwoon and I aren’t going to do anything, we’re just going to talk. He’s not allowed to anyway. Taekwoon would go to jail if he tried to even touch me for too long.”

“How do we know that he’s actually improved at all? What if you see him and you instantly go back to the Taekwoon worshiping mess you were before? I don’t know if this is a good idea.”

“Wonshik, I will be fine. And I did not worship him!”

“You pretty much did.” Hongbin sighed, sending death glared towards the other before the cab pulled in front of the meeting spot. Hongbin grinned, looking through his pockets one last time before he got out the cab.

He brought something with him, just in case what Wonshik was saying had a little bit of basis. To remind himself that there was a better Taekwoon that he could go back too. A picture of Taekwoon’s smile. It was a sight Hongbin hadn’t seen in a very long time. Hongbin had developed the photograph that he had found on his old cell phone, the last one of Taekwoon before Hongbin had screwed everything up.

Hongbin looked at the picture one last time before exiting the cab. Wonshik followed barely four centimeter behind him. Hongbin stood, looking around until he saw him. Taekwoon. Hongbin knew that he was different. Then and there Hongbin knew…he was smiling.

“Now Hongbin don’t run-….too fast” Wonshik’s nagging was caught off guard as Hongbin sprinted towards Taekwoon. The older did the same, decreasing the distance so Hongbin’s lungs didn’t get too angry with him.

Hongbin felt his heart leap within his chest, warm and peaceful feelings filling his heart as Taekwoon hugged him. He didn’t feel anything, didn’t run his hand across any old marks. He just hugged him, held Hongbin in his arms.

“I missed you so much my sunshine.”

Notes