Reality of love

She stepped out of the taxi and made her way up to the restaurant. She gave her name and was led to a small, private, VIP room at the back of the restaurant. She thanked the waiter and stood outside the door, gathering her courage before sliding the door open. Yoongi was sitting at the table in a pair of tight fitting leather trousers and a white shirt. She looked over his lithe frame and marvelled at how good he looked. She stepped into the room and took a seat opposite him, suddenly feeling as awkward as she had on her first date back when she was sixteen.

Yoongi looked over her body, the corner of his mouth twitching up in a small smile at her choice of clothing. He wondered if she had picked the dress on purpose, knowing that he liked the colour. A waiter appeared and handed them their menus. Yoongi quickly scanned the menu and gave his order, patiently waiting while Hyerim took her time. She could feel Yoongi’s gaze on her and it only made her more nervous. She quickly picked something and handed the menu back to the waiter who disappeared and slid the door shut behind him.

Her eyes darted around the room, looking everywhere, except for at Yoongi. The silence stretched on and she rubbed her sweaty palms on her thighs. She risked a quick glance up at Yoongi who was staring intently at her. “Why are you staring at me like that?” she asked nervously as she tucked her hair behind her ear. “Because I can’t believe you’re actually sitting in front of me.” He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Their waiter appeared with their drinks and disappeared again. “Is it really that hard to believe?” she asked as she took a sip of her drink. Yoongi laughed. It was the same harsh laugh he had given her in the hallway a few days ago.

“You try having one of your best friends suddenly disappear without a trace only to turn up out of the blue ten whole years later and tell me if it’s hard to believe.” He said, his tone showing how incredible he found the whole situation. She let out a long sigh. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was leaving.” Yoongi snorted at her. “You're sorry? You think I brought you here to hear you say you're sorry?” he snapped. “Do you have any idea what I went through? Do you have any idea how worried I was? Can you even imagine what it feels like to wake up one morning and your best friend has just vanished from the face of the planet?”

Hyerim flinched at his words, his tone only magnifying her guilt. “I thought up all kinds of scenarios at first. Maybe you had lost your phone. Then maybe your phone had been stolen. Had you been kidnapped? Mugged? Killed? I had no fucking clue.” She twisted her fingers in her lap, too afraid to say anything. He sounded as if he had been holding these feelings and words in for far too long. “Can you even begin to comprehend how I felt as the days turned into weeks? Months? Years? Without as much as a single text or email. Is it so hard to send a fucking message? Would it have been so difficult to at least mention in conversation that you were planning on leaving the fucking country? Or that you were planning on coming back? Do you know how long I searched for you?” he asked, his body ramrod straight in his chair, his hands in fists, knuckles white. “I didn’t think…”

“Damn right you didn’t think!” he roared, cutting off what she was going to say. “I felt like half of me was missing. I wondered if I had done something wrong to make you hate me and run away from me. I started analysing every conversation, every action every minute detail trying to work out why you would just leave like that. I need to know, why?” he pleaded, his voice hoarse from the raw emotion. Hyerim looked up at him, her hands clasped together tightly, her nails digging into her hands as she tried to keep herself calm. She took a deep breath hoping her voice wouldn’t crack as she spoke.

“It wasn’t you Yoongi. It was me. I left because of me. It was just too hard to stay.” She heard him shift in his chair. “What do you mean it was too hard to stay? What happened back then that was so awful that you ran away? What was so awful that you couldn’t tell me?” he asked, his tone so caring that she almost broke down in tears. She pressed her nails harder into her skin, letting the physical pain distract her from her emotional pain. “It doesn’t matter anymore. It was so long ago, it doesn’t matter anymore.” She jumped when Yoongi’s hand slammed onto the table, rattling the plates and cutlery. “Bullshit.” He said, his voice dangerously low. “You owe me an explanation Hyerim.” He said, his eyes boring into hers.

She got caught in his gaze and couldn’t look away. She bit her bottom lip and summoned every ounce of courage she possessed. “Do you remember the night you, Soobin and I went out clubbing, just before I left?” she asked quietly. Yoongi thought for a moment before nodding. “I remember some of it. I remember seeing you alone at the bar, drinking shot after shot.” She frowned. “Do you remember what happened when we got back to the dorms?” Yoongi shook his head, “Not really. Most of that night was a blur for me. I remember waking up to the worst hangover I have ever experienced.”

“Do you remember making out with Soobin?” she asked, looking him dead in the eye knowing that she would be able to tell if he lied to her. Yoongi frowned as he tried to remember. “I kissed Soobin?” he muttered disbelievingly before shaking his head. “There's no way. Soobin was like a sister to me. Plus she was a little too… promiscuous for my taste.” Hyerim snorted, “That didn’t stop you two from going at it in the hallway.” She said bitterly.

“Hyerim, we were both drunk. Come on, you know me better than that! You know that Soobin isn’t my type.” He said as he leaned over the table, pleading with her to believe him. “That didn’t make it hurt any less.” She whispered, her voice catching in her throat. Yoongi was surprised by her sudden confession. His mind was racing with what she meant. Did it mean that she liked him? Could that be the reason why she had left without a word? “Hyerim…”

“It doesn’t matter now. Like I said, it’s all in the past.” She said as she wiped away a stray tear that had escaped from her eye. “It matters.” Yoongi said firmly. “Did you ever read any of the messages I sent you?” he asked. Hyerim shook her head. “You had sent me one the day before I left, but I couldn’t read it. Then when I went to America I couldn’t use my sim card from Korea so I never got the chance to read the message.”

Yoongi pulled his phone out from his pocket and slid it across the table towards her. “Read it now.” Hyerim looked up at him in shock. “You still have the message you sent?”
“Messages.” He corrected. “I still have every single message I sent to you. Read them.” Hyerim hesitantly picked up his phone. She recognised her old phone number at the top of the screen. As she scrolled through the messages tears welled up in her eyes and eventually started running down her face.

Hyerim, we haven’t spoken in a while is everything ok?

Hyerim, why aren’t you answering my messages or calls? Every time I try to call you it says your phone is switched off. Are you ignoring me? Did I do something wrong?

Hyerim, I’m starting to get really worried. Will you please just reply to me? Soobin said that all your stuff is gone from the dorm. Where the hell are you?

Hyerim, I can’t take this. Did something happen? Please tell me. Are you safe? Are you ok? Please reply.

Hyerim, it’s been a month and I still haven’t heard from you. You have no idea how messed up I am. I can’t stand not knowing where you are and if you’re ok. I’ve tried calling, emailing… I even tried to find your parent’s restaurant but I couldn’t remember the name. If you’re getting these messages, please let me know… I feel like I’m going crazy. If it wasn’t for the photos of us together I’d swear you never actually existed. How can someone just disappear like this? Do you know how heartbroken I am?

Hyerim dropped the phone onto the table, unable to continue reading the messages any longer. Her body shook with sobs, she hadn’t realised how big of an impact her leaving would have had on Yoongi. “I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry.” She said over and over again as she sobbed loudly, her hands covering her face. She continued crying as she heard the scraping sound of Yoongi’s chair moving. She felt his gentle hand on her arm, moving her hands away from her face. He crouched down in front of her, picking up her napkin and carefully wiping away her tears.

“I’ve never stopped thinking about you.” He confessed. “I never gave up looking for you. I always hoped that you’d come back with some silly excuse for why you left. Even when years had passed, I still hoped that you’d just appear out of the blue. A pen stuck in your hair like you always did when we studied together and that awful blue sweater that you practically lived in.” he said with a fond smile at the memory. She sniffled, “I liked that sweater.” She mumbled. Yoongi reached up and cupped her cheek. “Hyerim. I don’t know if it’s too late to tell you this but… I love you. I’ve loved you for the longest time. Our photograph is still the wallpaper on my phone. I can’t imagine living my life without you in it. The last ten years have been hell without you. I’m sorry if I hurt you, it was never my intention to hurt you.”

She sniffled, “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have just disappeared like that. I was a coward. I should have been strong enough to deal with what happened instead of just running away like that. I never thought that my leaving would affect you this much. I loved you so much then and I didn’t know what to do.” Yoongi gently stroked her cheek with his thumb, “And what about now?” he asked apprehensively. “How do you feel now?”

She gave him a weak smile, “My feelings for you are just as strong now as they were then, Min Yoongi.” Yoongi released a breath he didn’t realise he had been holding. He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against hers. Her eyes slipped shut as she responded to the kiss. The kiss was gentle and sensual. Yoongi’s lips moved against hers as his hand slipped from her cheek to the back of her neck, his other hand resting next to her thigh on her chair. Her arms raised and wrapped around his neck as his tongue swiped across her lips and entered her mouth. He explored every inch of her mouth, their tongues battling for dominance over the kiss.

She nipped on his bottom lip as they separated, desperately trying to catch their breath.
Yoongi looked into her eyes and smiled, “I love you Hyerim. Promise me that you’ll never disappear from my side again.” he said gently as he linked his hand with hers. She smiled down at their entwined hands before looking back at him. “I promise, Yoongi. I’ll never leave you again. I love you.” She said before Yoongi once again captured her lips with his own, desperate to make up for the time they had lost.

Notes