If Dreams Could Tell

J-hope's POV

V...why?

We went through a phase of shock and grief ever since that day. It was all a disaster.

Mine was the worst. I looked at the photograph of me and V when we were younger. Why? Just why?

I couldn't even look at V's mother in the eye. It hurt to see her. Especially how grief stricken she was.

It hurt most to look at Baekhee. Jin and now V...

Of course we were all frustrated when Jin and V was gone, but for Baekhee, it was different. She looked more devastated than all of us.

I don't think Jungkook knows yet though. He still hasn't Coke back home for a long time. I was worried, but he'd him come back sooner or later.

After that, the days were painful to live through. The world no longer has colors. Everything was dark and grey.

I was the closest to V in Bangtan. We were best friends, and we would do everything together. It was too hard to think that he's gone now.

God dammit! If we wouldn't of let V climb up there, he would have still been safe. I punched the wall, tears uncontrollably traveling down my face.

If V did that, why can't I?

I scrambled to the bathroom not caring if I just knocked Baekhee right over her foot.

I opened the cabinet desperately, and my eyes soon fell upon a bottle of pills.

'Deadly if overdosed.'

Perfect.

This was all I needed, nothing else.


Baekhee's POV

I couldn't remember a day when salty water wouldn't roll down my face.

I had spent every past day after all that, crying. If I would to walk up to a person and socialize, they would notice right away that I've been crying my eyes out, from my red swollen eyes.

Getting over Jin was hard enough. I don't think I've gotten over him completely. V's death wasn't helping either. It just makes me think about Jin.

I had a feeling that something like this has happened before. Everything seemed so..familiar.

I dragged my leg out of Jin's room only to be knocked over by J-hope. What's the rush? He closed the door to the bathroom. He probably needs to take a dump that bad.

This reminds me about V and Jimin fighting over the toilet. I smiled remembering the memories, and when everything was just fine.

Memories are fun, but they can also be sad, because you know they would never happen again.

Yet we made memories. Lots of them.

Thats true. Nothing will ever be the same. So why go out? I might as well just stay in Jin's room.


J-hope's POV

It hurts. Jin's and V's death. I can't take it anymore.


It has been a few days since I started taking drugs. Ecstasy was something I started with in the beginning. Now I'm taking the much harder stuff.

I didn't care I was doing this legally.

They made me feel better. I started taking more, and more. All that matter to me was my thoughts, and feelings. Nothing else.

My eyes had dark cirlces just like V's. The thought of him made me feel worse.

I ran to the bathroom and poured a bunch of pills. I swallowed all of them.


"Where are you going?" Rap Mon asked. He was also grief-stricken and devastated, but he still needs to take care of us. I don't think he's doing a very good job right now....

"Just taking a walk."

Rap Mon seemed to believe that. He would've thought something was fishy. Right now, he wasn't even paying attention.


I wasn't shocked. This was expected. The doctor said a whole lot more, but all that I payed attention to was that I was dying.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I really looked different. I was no longer the happy virus. I was the complete opposite of that. I let a tear drop down my cheek.

There's only one and only think I can do. To ease the pain. I opened up the bottle of drugs. I grabbed a random one not caring what it said.

I poured half the bottle, and let it slip down my throat.

I'm going to die. I smiled. Finally. It disappeared when I realized I wouldn't be with Bangtan anymore. I wouldn't even see them. Is this what I want?

But then, all my pain will be over.

I walked out of the house and to the streets. I got onto a bridge. I remembered when me and V's Secret hideout when we were younger was just below a bridge.

It wasn't exactly the one I'm standing on right now, but it's still a bridge.

Cars drove by, not even sparing a glance. I didn't care. I didn't care about anything. Nothing matters anymore. The world started to spin.

I bet I look like a zombie. I slightly laughed with the last of my strength. Baekhee will sure be grossed out about zombies.

I cried out loud. I would never see her again. Yet alone Bangtan. Am I sure this is what I want? ...Yes...

I wiped away my tears, but it didn't seem to stop.

I forced a smile. My lips didn't move. I knew that I didn't have enough strength now.

I couldn't even say a proper goodbye. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm such a bad friend.

I understand if you hate me.

But please understand. Please. I can't stand the pain any longer. I'm begging you guys. Please. I'm sorry, I'll be leaving first.

I love you Bangtan.

I love you Baekhee.

I smiled genuinely. Everything will be over. The drug I took will be taking my life.

My head started feeling dizzy, and things looked irregular. My vision began to blur. Everything turned upside down. And,

I collapsed.

Notes

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-A