Love for you

“What do you want?,” he shouted on the top of his lungs and Eun-hee fidgeted visibly, trying her best to get out of Jong-in’s death grip on her left wrist causing it to catch a bruise right away. “I told you to stay out of my life, can’t you just do this simple thing I asked for”.

She gulped and tried to say something but he was too annoyed to let her explain herself. He was losing control on his senses and just wanted to crush her right this moment. He wished desperately, he could burn her or at least throw her somewhere he wouldn’t return to later. However, he couldn’t be that lucky to do that. In fact, his luck had cut its ties with him completely since he had this girl in his life.

“Shut up, just shut your good for nothing mouth,” He darted his gaze at her face with red consented face and flames in his eyes, trying to burn her with just the fire from anger he was holding inside. “You dared to call my classmates from elementary school and yet you are trying to open this mouth of yours in front of me?”

He was gritting his teeth visibly corning her against the wall and Eun-hee was trembling with inwardly trying to stop herself from breaking down right in front of Jong-in’s extremely fierce face. She didn’t know what Jong-in was saying. She didn’t know what Jong-in was telling her; she could only see his red face and clucked jaws but she couldn’t hear him.

Just couldn’t. She was at the edge of losing herself but didn’t want Jong-in to see her shattering right there in front of him. She gasped for air but her lungs weren’t in working order anymore. She couldn’t get the supply of air comfortably. Her chest was too heavy to work according to her wish. Her body was too off guard to do that.

She panted heavily. Just he didn’t have cornered her like that with a hand bruising her left wrist and the other one on the wall right beside her head blocking her way out. ‘Just let me go Jong-in’

She wanted to cry. She wanted to cry loudly, shout at him to let her go and never do this cornering thing again but her lips just quivered instead. She couldn’t even shed a single tear she was holding on in her eyes like they were some kinda gems she would lose if she shed them.

“Why can’t you stop meddling in my life,” he jolted her and she with a jerk leaned off and thudded back against the wall causing her head to smack so hard that she winced in pain visibly. Her view blurred for a moment before she could feel the pain claiming its existence at the back of her shoulder. Jong-in had used all his strength to throw her in the dark alley of pain.

“What you want from me?”

He was losing his senses more and more and Eun-hee didn’t know what to do about it. The fear was creeping all over body and she was about to burst into tears but- but Jong-in-what if he saw her losing her consciousness. No, she couldn’t let him see her falling from the cliff, he had himself pushed her from. Especially she didn’t have any idea what wrong she had done to drive Jong-in insane.

“Just let me go,” A tear fell from her left eye and her lips were trembling massively. ‘She’ was trembling. Her voice was shaky and she literary begged her to let her go but Jong-in was too shocked to obey. Despite how furious he was right then, he didn’t miss the fear floating in her eyes with the wet of tears she was holding in her eyes. The fear for something that could break her into pieces, it really wasn’t the fear she would have from Jong-in’s anger. It was something Jong-in had no idea about. Something big, that had taken all the air and energy from her body. That had dried her lips and paled her pink cheeks and face. He unconsciously tightened his grip around her wrist as if he was suddenly afraid of losing her to something intending to harm her. He was stunned and didn’t know when his anger suddenly vanished completely from all the veins of his body.

Eun-hee flinched inwardly when the grip tightened on her wrist, nails digging in, her fear hunted her down with more strength this time and out of reflexes, she couldn’t help but shout. “Let me go!”

With her one free hand, she pushed him with all her strength, backward and Jong-in, as he was off-guard and the strength of a martial artist was too much for him to handle when he wasn’t prepared for it, he couldn’t but fall back with so much force that jolted Eun-hee in time. The grip on her hand made her stumble so forcefully and suddenly that when Jong-in fell on the ground and her wrist freed from the grip, she broke through the thin glass window beside the wall.

Jong-in’s gasped, eyes widened in shock and breath held in no second.

The glass wall was so thin that she broke through on the other side with shattered glass all over and her body on the ground between the small and large pieces of glass and face almost touching the ground.

The distance and her being on the ground, other than his himself being on the ground only helped him having a vague sight of this shocking event.

“Eun-hee”

His heart dropped right at the moment he saw her leaning off the ground. His lips let out an unconscious whisper without his knowing but right at that moment he didn’t care about anything but the one on the ground, the other side of the broken glass wall.

“Eun-hee”

He almost shouted and lifted his trembling body up only to flinch in horror when he caught a glimpse of red on the other side of the window where Eun-hee was trying to get up, pushing the ground downward with her both hands on some small pieces of glass, he just made her break.

He flinched once again at her this stunt of not caring about how her hands were going to be wounded after doing this. And literary it did.

He instantly took steps towards her but frost right away at his place when he saw her face turning towards him. His eyes widened once again and breath held.

She stood up with visibly shaking knees and left hand on her right forearm, looking at him with an expressionless face and blank gaze.

The wall glass was sure thin and easily breakable but it only made it more sharp and harmful when it broke into pieces. The small sharp pieces of glass were all snuggled on her right side, piercing through the white fabric of her night tank-pajama dress, straight into her trembling body.

Forearm, waist, right thigh, right cheek- the pieces of glass were all there with fresh blood dripping down from each wound, as a result of falling on the pieces of shattered glass.
He couldn’t breathe. His mind went numb only to threaten him to black out. Eun-hee face was expression and extremely cold. Her eyes had nothing but blankness with a piercing gaze directed to his face.

Disappointment, disbelief, rage, hurt- He tried to believe there was nothing in her eyes but blankness but he just couldn’t. Her beautiful face was now really wrecked, as he wanted it to be, but no, he never wanted to harm her like this. Never even in his dreams. Just because he believed he wanted to do it, doesn’t mean he really meant that.

He couldn’t feel anything thing or maybe there was a flood of all kind of emotion washing over her made her mind went numb. Unable to think or feel anything.

He didn’t do that. He didn’t do that, he wanted to believe, he didn’t do that but why it looked like he was responsible for this.

No, he didn’t do that. He brain had a chant over this thought but the wounds on her face and body with dripping blood like there was no end to its flow drove him crazy.

Glass pieces, blood, wounds and guilt- Jong-in stumbled backward.

His fears, his past, the images and memories he hated came hunting him down and he only flinched, unconsciously stepping forward this time only to be frost on his spot again at her cold whispers he could clearly hear.

“Don’t come near me,” She stumbled backward. Jong-in heart dropped once more. His handsome face had lost its color at how cold and expressionless she was. “I’d kill you right the moment you moved even a single muscle Mr. Kim. I’ll kill you!”

Her cold, deep and low tone was something he wasn’t expecting. She didn’t even have expressions of pain or anything that would make her look like she’s this injured other than the obvious wounds and pieces of glass in her body. This sudden change of her sentiments stunned him. Just few minutes ago, she was almost crying. She was terrified. She was in pain and now when she was this worn out, she had nothing to express from her face.

He was stunned. Shocked, he had no idea what to do. What to feel and what to think.

The only thing he knew was, he had a huge pang of guilt in his chest aching his heart so badly that he could feel himself in the shoes of people he hated.

‘He wasn’t like them!’

He shouted in his mind but Eun-hee was retreating. He panicked.

“Don’t go,” he almost shouted but Eun-hee didn’t pay attention. She took few steps backward looking at his face coldly before stumbling throughout the way back. “Eun-hee!”

He shouted but she didn’t listen. She didn’t turn back and standing there with trembling body and numb mind, he could do nothing but see her disappearing in the hallway paved towards Minseok’s room, before throwing himself on the wall only to be hunted by something he wanted to be by.

Eun-hee made him this vulnerable. Eun-hee was responsible of making him go through everything again, he was afraid he would be because of this marriage. He wanted to think he was hating her more right now for putting him into this circumstances but deep down, something felt so stabbing like it was a guilt, he never wanted to admit he was holding because he was afraid. He was too afraid to admit he did that. He was too afraid to go through that again so he found the escape only by throwing the entire burden on Eun-hee’s shoulder and trying to shove off the feeling of guilt and fear, clucking his chest.

He ‘really’ didn’t do that-----he wanted to believe!

****************

Notes