JIYEON

"Hey what are you up too?" Insoo's voice filled the receiver.
"I'm on a date,"
"Really?" he sounded sad
"Mm, he's a doctor,"
"Oh," his voice was faded and depressed.
"Insoo, I'm joking. I'm at home studying, the only doctor here is the one in the drama I'm watching,"
"Oh, well, what are you doing in an hour or so?" he perked up again.
"I'm not sure, why?"
"We're finishing early today and I'm hungry. Do you want to get some lunch?"
"Yeah, sure,"
"Okay, I'll come get you when I'm finished. I should only be an hour but I might be a little longer. Seyong's being a pain in my ass,"
"So practice is going well then?"
"Oh, it's so much fun, I'll tell you all about it later. Have fun on your date,"
"Okay, bye,"

I sighed putting my phone in my bag and looked around the room. There weren't even a lot of people here; and elderly couple, a mother with her twin daughters, and the odd few scattered throughout the room. What was taking them so long? And here I thought the home test took forever

~Flashback~

I sat the small white stick on the counter then I sat on the floor against the bath staring at it as I counted down; 2:59, 2:58, 2:57. It seemed to take forever. I can't even remember when I got my period last, I've never missed it before. How could I have been so careless? It's fine, maybe I'm just late? And the rest of the symptoms are in my head.

I sighed when the time was up.

I was too scared to stand up and check the results, I chewed on my lip, I can't be, I told myself.

There was no way, I'm not pregnant. I stood up and took a deep breath.

I held the little white stick in my hand and looked down at the pink parallel lines. I don't understand. How could this happen?

It was wrong, it had to be wrong, there was no way I was pregnant. Maybe I did the test wrong? How is that even possible? Okay, maybe my hormones are off because I'm late and it gave a false reading? Please let the test be wrong.

I can't be pregnant, my life is a mess; I'm half way through university, I live in a small apartment, and my relation ship, though it seems to be getting more serious, currently consists of sleeping with him in as many strange and/or public places as we could. Does that sound like someone who should be having a baby? I don't even know if I want kids.

~End~

So here I was in the hospital waiting room, waiting, hoping that they will give me a different result. They had taken blood an hour ago and I'd been sitting here since.

"Lee Jiyeon?" he called me over. I froze for a moment; what if they were still positive? I can't be a mother.

I stood up and followed him through to his office. He gestured for me to take a seat.

"Alright," he said taking his own seat.
"So how are you feeling?" he asked.
"I honestly don't know," I shrugged.
"We sent you for a blood test to see if you are in fact pregnant, correct?"
"Mm,"
"Let's just check those results for you," he clicked away at his computer as he hummed to himself.
"Ah, here we are, oh, it seems like a congratulations is in order," he smiled at me as if he'd just given me good news, but my whole world stopped.
"The results also show that you have low levels of..." he continued talking but I'd stopped listening. What? This was a joke right? He was lying, right? They mixed up my results with someone else, some poor woman who would be happy to find out she was pregnant.This was just a
horrible joke, right?

I can't be pregnant, I just can't, I'm not cut out to be a mother. I would be a horrible mother, I mean the only example I have of a mother is that two faced whore and she was completely useless. What if I was like that? I don't know how to raise a child, I have no knowledge of how to look after children. How would this child turn out? Like me? I can't do this, I'm not prepared to do this, especially not on my own.

Insoo...

We were actually getting somewhere in this strange relationship of ours, I actually wanted to see where this, where we, were going. How would he take this? Doe he even like kids? Does he want them? He was so close to his debut, if word got out that he had a pregnant girlfriend, his dream would be over. I knew this was too good to be true.

Would he leave me? After his dad leaving I highly doubted it, so he would end up stuck, full of resentment. What was I going to do?

"Also, I would like to get you onto postnatal vitamins. Now we've made you and appointment for an ultrasound for you tomorrow at 3 p.m. Don't worry too much about it, it's just for a general check up on the baby and to see how far along you are,"

***

I dropped my bag on the bed and kept walking through to the bathroom getting in the shower, and finally allowing myself to cry.

What was I going to do? I'd just unloaded my entire past on him and now I was suppose to tell him I was pregnant with his baby? Was it his?

Let's be honest here, Insoo wasn't exactly the first guy I slept with in a club, and it's not like there were large gaps in between each guy. Go ahead and judge me if you like, call me names, it's not like you could make me feel worse than I already feel.

I felt worse knowing there was a chance that it wasn't Insoo's. How am I suppose to tell him?

INSOO

We were all laying on the dance room floor, breathing heavily. We were suppose to be done by 1, it was now 5:30. Seyong thought we were lacking, personally I though we'd pretty much nailed it, but I let him amuse himself. Something was bother him and it couldn't hurt to practice more. But enough was enough, everyone was exhausted and no one had eaten since breakfast.

"Let's go again," he puffed.
"No more, that's enough for the day," I shook my head sitting up/
"We need more practice,"Seyong frowned.
"We need food and rest,"
"You just want to go on your date, I think our debut is a higher priority,"
"Go home guys, shower, eat and get some rest. We're back in here early tomorrow," they were cautious but did as they were told. I hated using the fact I was the oldest, but sometimes it helped a whole lot.
"You sit, I need to talk to you," I sighed at Seyong.
"Excuse me?" he raised an eyebrow.
"Would you just shut up for five minutes,"
"Seriously?" he rolled his eye but sat down anyway.
"Okay look, it's obvious that you don't agree with my choice to be in a relationship and I know you don't understand or like it but it's happening. I don't need you to be happy with it, I just need you to at leas pretend to support it. She's not just some girl I want to sleep with, I really like her and she's important to me. I want to get to know her and see where this goes. That doesn't mean I wont still go clubbing with you or go to bars I will just be a wingman instead of trying to get girls myself. I just need you to stop making this out like I'm doing something horrible, If you don't like it, that's fine, I get it. But stop being a D-Bag about it," I said seriously.

You sound like you're explaining to a four year old that they're getting a new mother or sibling," he stared at me blankly.

"You're acting like a four yea old," I retorted.
"Whatever," he sighed.
"Now can I go take her to get some dinner? See I was going to take her to lunch but someone was being a control freak,"
"You realize lunch is something you do with someone you don't want to sleep with?"
"Do you even hear other people when they talk?"
"I heard you, I was just saying,"
"Can you just stop being such an ass?"
"Okay," he retorted.
"Okay?"
"Yeah, whatever, I didn't realize it was so important for you to not sleep with her," He muttered.
"Thank you, while you're at it maybe you could try to stop being such a jerk to Eunji, she's done nothing to you,"
"I'm not a genie, you don't get three wishes,"

JIYEON

I sat on the lounge staring at the blank TV screen, I was going to tell him. I'd convinced myself that he would be fine with it and that he would understand if it wasn't his. he wasn't so innocent either, right?

He knocked on the door, I shook my head composing myself and smiled as I opened the door, Insoo was standing on the other side with a sheepish smiled.

"Sorry, I'm kind of late huh?" he rubbed the back of his neck. I looked behind him, it was almost dark - how long had I been sitting there?
"It's okay," I shrugged.
"Well I'm starving, let's go get some food," he beamed.

***

We ended up sitting on a red plaid blanket Insoo had just brought, with fish and chips on the edge of Han River watching the last of the sunlight fade away. He seemed to be in a really good mood for someone who as been practicing all day. Tell him, a voice echoed in the back of my head. I opened my mouth to speak but he beat me to it.

"Oh look," he pointed to the bridge where the lights had turned on, the color shone through the water spraying from the side.
"It's pretty," I nodded as I realized, somehow, we;d ended up on our second date and that was enough to put doubt in my mind.

I can't tell him right now, not yet. I needed to know it it's his before I tell him, even if he'll understand I need to know. I'll tell him tomorrow, when I know for sure.

"Do you want a drink?" he asked holding up a Soju bottle.

Yes.

INSOO

"No," she shook her head leaning back on her elbows looking out at the river.
"There's a first," I joked frowning at her.
"I don't feel like drinking right now," she shrugged smiling at me, she was pretty even under the bridge lights.
"Okay," I didn't push it.
The last time she drunk she told me everything so I understand why she didn't want to drink right now.

Notes