As Blind As Could Be...

Day 3

[Skipped day two because all you do is say rituals and blessings and stuff]

Morning.

Everyone’s talking to me and telling me advice, like I’m a five year old. I really don’t need it… or care for it… but I guess they do it out of respect. I’m wearing a black lace dress. I remember Kyungsoo telling me years ago, when I was still blind, that I looked beautiful in lace. I guess he was right. He’s always right.

In the funeral home, Kyungsoo’s body lies in a coffin. The inside is white and padded. The outside is dark wood, polished and shiny. A thick, white ribbon is around the middle, with pink, green and white flowers placed on top of it.

Only family and close friends are allowed. The others meet us at the burial ground. One by one, we go and visit his body before the top of the coffin is covered. Kai and I go at the same time. I look up at him. He looks at me with nervous eyes, sweat dripping down his sides. I rub my hand on his back as we slowly walk up.

There he was. Kyungsoo. My brother. Now, this is real. He wears a tuxedo, white and black, hands laying on his stomach. I sigh at the sight and hear Kai’s cry. He still has my wig on. Kai bends over Kyungsoo, his tears falling onto Kyungsoo’s face. I run my hands through Kai’s hair as he controls himself. He straightens his position. He puts the pair of clothes he bought Kyungsoo for their anniversary in the coffin. The one I saw Kyungsoo wearing whenever he approached Kai and I.

I hold Kyungsoo’s microphone. The microphone he’s been using for years. His name engraved on it, “D.O.” It has scratches, cuts, marks, dents. The memories this microphone carries. I sigh once more.

I close my eyes shut, so tears wouldn’t fall out. Slowly, I inch my hands to Kyungsoo’s, holding his hand briefly before placing the microphone in Kyungsoo’s hands. I look up at Kai, who was looking down at something in his hand.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers.

He puts a lock in Kyungsoo’s top pocket of his tuxedo. My eyes widen. It’s the same locket Kai and I locked at the Namsan tower.

“I’m sorry.” He repeats as he pressed the key into my palms gently.

He walks down the stairs and sits back down. I draw my attention back to Kyungsoo. His lips, they still look fresh and lively. I stroke his cheek with the back of my hand, bringing a slight smile to my face.

“Rest in peace.” I say as a tear falls down my face.

I bend down and kiss his eyelids, his nose… and his lips.

“For luck…” I whisper. [A/N: Chapter 2]

I lick my lips and walk down the stairs slowly, eyes spaced out and focused on the floor. As I sit down, Chanyeol intertwines our hands, trying his best to give me support. I don’t acknowledge him. I can’t think about anything else, but Kyungsoo.

After everyone’s goodbyes are finished, it was time to move Kyungsoo and the coffin to the burial ground. Seungsoo, being the eldest sibling, holds the picture frame of Kyungsoo. After him, the coffin comes out, then the family and friends. But, I could tell none of us are ready to face the public.

Kai puts a mask on me, wearing one himself. He gently puts the strings behind my ear, sending me shrivels and goosebumps. He fixes my hair. Chanyeol takes on of my hands while Kai takes the other. Minseok rubs and massages my nape as he stands behind me with the others. Tears already falling down my eyes. The one in most tears right now is Kai. I look around and see all of the members in sorrow, crying to themselves.

Before heading out, I hug them all briefly. Kyungsoo wasn’t just my brother. He was apart of this huge family we created. Without him, our puzzled life isn’t complete.

Seungsoo walks out first, holding Kyungsoo’s huge picture. His hands are shaking and looks down. Clicks, pictures, videos, screams and flashes. And things get worse once the twelve of us walk out. All looking down, tears forming a river, and we aren’t even at the cemetery yet.

The amount of emotions I’m feeling as my fans are screaming at me is unexplainable. I just want to run and jump to hug them so tight. They must be in pain. I take a glance at the huge crowd. Tears pour down their faces, and I can’t help but blame myself for that. President Lee said no public statements about Kyungsoo, no nothing. We’ve just been shady and blocked them out for a while. A long while.

I lock eyes with Chanyeol. He crouches down a little and wipes my falling tears, smiling behind his mask. I press my face against his palm and mentally thank him for his support. Kai nudges me to keep walking, causing Chanyeol and I to stumble a little.

After Kyungsoo’s coffin is loaded into the black limousine, we watch it leave. All of our heads fixated on the car as it drives away quickly. Soon after, two white, smaller limos come to take us. The boys and I get in one car while Seungsoo, Appa and Eomma get in the other.

The limo is silent. I sit next to Sehun and Chen. I take my mask off and barely hold onto it in my lap. Legs uncrossed, unlady like. Sehun gently takes his hand and moves my head to rest on his shoulder. I wrap my arm around his and he rests his head on mine. Chen holds my free hand, tightly. Mask still on, he doesn’t dare to take a glance at me. I understand why.

I look at the eyes of the boys. All red eyes, puffy and tired. My wall of guilt grows. It wasn’t long until we reached the burial grounds. I see from the tinted windows that all of the guests are waiting patiently. I can’t look at my sunbaes and sasaengs, not directly in the eye at least.

The door opens and I can tell the boys want to object to leaving the limousine, but they heavily drag their feet out. My arm stays linked to Sehun’s and intertwined with Jongdae’s.

I close my eyes as we walk down the pathway to Kyungsoo’s burial ground.

I silently hum to myself. Imagining. Imagining I’m walking down the aisle, at my wedding. Seungsoo holding my hand, my other arm linked to fathers. Chanyeol standing at the alter. Kyungsoo standing as the best man. Standing with his spiked up hair, rosie, squishy cheeks, his eyes that show so much whiteness, his narrow shoulders, and those smiling, pink plump heart-shaped lips that are just like mine.

But here I am. I open my eyes and watch Kyungsoo and the coffin be placed into the ground, six feet below. Placed under cherry blossoms trees. Seungsoo told me I had the honors. I let go of Jongdae’s and Sehun’s grasp, walking in front of everyone.

“Annyeonghashimika [the most formal way to say ‘hello’.]” I say, loud enough for everyone to hear, but not shouting. “We are gathered here today… to celebrate my brother, Do Kyungsoo’s life. Many of you here, know Kyungsoo really well, many are just here out of respect. Kyungsoo… has been with me all of my life, never leaving my side, no matter how much of a fuss I made, he’d always figure out a way to inch closer to me. Whether I was blind, or whether I had perfect vision, he’d always be watching my blindside. If I were to run off a cliff, he would be there to catch me and pull me back into reality. He is that type of person. Not just to me, but to many of you standing before me today (I look at Kai). And… hold on-”

I turn around and try to contain myself. I bite my tongue and straighten my posture, turning back. I breathe.

“Everyone needs someone like Kyungsoo. Because in reality... we are all as blind as could be. Unaware of what will happen next. No one knows what could or will go wrong, or how things will end in a story. And this story isn’t like those folk tales with happily ever afters. NO, this is reality… (pause). I had Kyungsoo. To watch me. To take care of me. To teach me. And he had to die just for me to realise, he had no one. No one who was properly watching over him, tending him, caring for him. No one was watching his blind side. I was too busy, selfish and foolish to realise he was in pain and all alone. And I know ‘being busy’ is just an excuse because everyone is busy in their own world. So here I am, suffering the consequences. I’m standing here before you, giving a speech about my past brother, because I was SO blind that he fell off that cliff right before I could catch him. (long pause and tears fall down my face). And now I’ve learned from him, to always take care of others. Watch their blindsides. I don’t want to lose anyone else, or have anyone else suffer like I am. I hope you’ve learned something from him as well. Thank you for coming here today. I greatly appreciate it and I apologise. Kyungsoo will be forever known as a fighter. As my hero.”

I bow, almost 180 degrees. I take the shovel and scoop some dirt from the huge pill sitting right next to the hole in ground. I then gently dump the dirt onto it Kyungsoo’s coffin.

I love you Kyungsoo.

And with that, everyone takes their turn and scooped some dirt into the hole until it is filled. People are allowed to leave after. And soon, it was just me and the boys.

I stare at Kyungsoo’s grave, the memories running through my head.

“E-eunsoo-ah.” Chanyeol interlocks his hands with mine. “Come on… let’s go home.”

I lift my non-stop tearful eyes to met his.

“But Kyungsoo’s my home.” I whisper.

The boys stay silent and look down. Chanyeol sighs and kisses my forehead.

“We’ll be waiting in the car then.” Chanyeol says, letting go of my hand as I nod in response.

Lay puts his hand on my shoulder before catching up with the others.

A gust of wind runs through the fields, eventually hitting me. Petals from the cherry blossoms on the tree fall. And then… everything freezes.

The petals are floating in mid-air. I turn back and see the boys from afar, not moving, staying still. I turn my head back and find him standing there.

He’s wearing his death clothes. The clothes I picked out for him to wear. The clothes Kyungsoo’s dead body is currently wearing in his coffin. He smiles at me and walks over. My lips part and I can feel myself shaking.

“You’re here.” I whisper.

“Your speech was beautiful.” Kyungsoo smiles.

He holds up the fork, expecting me to take it from him. I hesitate.

“It’s time to move on.” Kyungsoo says in a serious tone. “I have to get going.”

He points to something behind him.

“I don’t want to let go, I don’t want to move on.” I cry, looking at the fork.

He ruffles my hair. “This is reality. Not one of those folk tales with happily ever afters.”

I lock my tearful eyes with his.

“Don’t worry, I’ll always be here, watching you… from your blindside. I’m your hero remember? Hero’s never have breaks.” Kyungsoo hugs me.

I hug him back tightly. He loosens his grip to see my face. His kisses my eyelids, my nose, and… I feel his plump lips melt onto mine.

“For luck.” He whispers and smiles.

I watch as he turns around and starts walking into the light. I look down at the fork. With two hands, I snap the fork in half and drop it before Kyungsoo’s grave. I take my last glimpse of Kyungsoo. He turns back and smiles, waving at me. I wave back, weakly, showing the happiest smile I’ve ever made. I have to leave Kyungsoo with a happy expression.

A bright light blinds my view as I cover my eyes with the lower half of my arms. And like that, the petals start falling again. Time resumes.











Kyungsoo’s gone. But, the broken fork lies there. Real.

I take one last glance at the grave and turn around, headed for the limousine, starting a new chapter in my life. Flipping the page. A chapter without Kyungsoo.

But I know he’s watching me… and my blindside.

Notes

Kyahhhhhh, what a great chapter. *claps for self* It's not over yet, don't worry. But this chapter brings me great depression A) I made my bias die in my first fanfic B) This story in general is coming to an end... or maybe is already over C)......the plot is just too goddamn good and sad. lol

<3 Anyways, how'd you like it?

VOTE, COMMENT, SUBSCRIBE

I'm collabing on with @ObsessedFanFics on another story, so yeah, check that out... or don't I'm not the boss of you, but I highly recommend it lol. The Flowers You Left Me.

Sending lots of love to the EXO-L's out there~!

~Alexis Thao.