Well.

This is it then...
I'm leaving.
I wouldn't imagine in my wildest dreams that I would ever say this, but....I'm gonna miss these guys...a lot.
I've been a bit sad ever since yesterday, and the guys haven't been their normal cheery selfs either, after I announced that I'm leaving the next day to them.
They've all been really....well, depressed. They're gonna miss me too. That's why they spent like, the whole of yesterday with me, and not once left me in peace.
It's either we were watching movies, or having dances battles, or karaoke, or pillow fights and truth or dare...
I tear up just thinking about how much fun I had with them. Not just yesterday, but all the days I spent with them, for these past few months.
All the games we played, interviews we had,jokes we made...
Do I really have to leave?
Couldn't the competition be just about EXO?
These thoughts plague my mind as I stand here in the dorm corridor, where all the companies dorms are, waiting for someone to come and pick me up and take me to a limo that's gonna drive me home.
I look at my watch. 8:00. Someone should be here by now. Where are they? Did they forget about me?
I could go in the dorm and ask the guys were the parking lot is exactly...

If they were here that is.

Yep. My final day and they had to fly off to Thailand...nice, real nice.
And they didn't even tell me face to face.
When I woke up I found a sticky note stuck on my alarm clock.
It said :

Dear Red,
We're really sorry, but we had to dash off to Thailand.
We hope you have a safe ride home,
Love EXO. XXXOXO

Gee,thanks.

My first thought: Screw you.
That just made me doubt if they were even my real friends.
Did they pretend to like me? In reality did they even give a damn about me, or just acted like they cared, because the company told them so?
And....
Did Kris really love me?
Or was it all just a show, just so he could get in my mouth...and head?
I don't know anymore....
But I also don't care because I'm leaving, and I'm never gonna see their faces ever again.

---

I've been standing here with my suitcase and backpack ready, for nearly an hour now...where the hell is the chauffer? The butler? The maid? Anybody?
EXO's manager told me to wait outside, and that somebody would come and pick me up eventually...
Well, were is he then?
I look up from my phone that I had taken out from boredom, and caught something with the corner of my eye, moving towards me...
Is that....

Siwon?


No...no.
Oh.
It is. I can see it is,as he gets closer, and closer.
Did he forget something in his dorm? Does Super Junior even have a dorm? Aren't they a bit old for that?
Wait.
He's looking for someone.
Crap. He's looking for me.
Well, here goes, I'm really leaving...I can't bear that thought, sitting in the back of my mind, torturing me..
I'm gonna miss EXO. I'm gonna miss Chanyeol's laughter, Kai's dancing, Sehun's Yeheting(?) whatever that is, D.O.'s sweetness and Kris's....smile.
Oh Kris...why did you have to fall in love with someone who wasn't gonna be around for more that 2 months..why?
But wait. I forgot the fact that they were probably just pretending..well if they were pretending, then EXO should move on to acting instead of singing, because they're really good..
They actually made me feel like they cared....
I feel something running down my cheeks...
Tears. When did I start crying? I didn't even notice.
Oh well, time to leave.
I walk up to Siwon while wiping my tears away, and croakily tell him, "Are you looking for me, hyung?"
He brightens up the second he finds me, but when he sees my tear-rusted cheeks, his look turns gloomy again.
"Yes, I am I was just going to take yo-...what's wrong?" he leans down to look at me in the eyes, since my head is lowered. He actually looks concerned for me...
Another good actor.
"No...it's nothing...can we just please go hyung? I want to go home please.." I quietly and sobbingly say while wiping my tears away harshly, annoyed at how the water won't stop from flowing, like someone left the tap on.
"Oh...come here." He sadly says, and then pulls me into a hug.
At that point, I just completely break down in his arms. I start crying so badly. I probably never cried like this in my life. Probably not even on the day I was born.
I bury my head in to his warm and comforting chest, and weap, while he comfortingly rubs my back. Because Siwon is much older than me, I feel comfortable to do this, even though I never talked to him before in my life. He feels just like my father. This is exactly what he would do when I was sad...Dad...I miss you right now..
"Shh..." he gently whispers. "It's going to be alright...now tell me what's the matter.."
"Well," I whimper, my tears and sobs choking my words. "The boys, left me without even saying one goodbye...they were like brothers to me....and they left me all alone..on my last day, too. They...t-they broke my heart..." I somehow manage to sob out, and then I start crying even harder at the thought of what I just said..how could they?
"Oh....that..." He says like he just realized what I'm talking about, and then...he starts chuckling.
Not in a mocking way, but in a sort of comforting way...like everything's gonna be alright..
"Red...the boys haven't left you...in fact they're still here...follow me!" he lifts my head up and drags me alone the corridor by my hand...
Where are we going? What is Siwon doing? What does he mean by...the boys haven't left you?
I still got tears running down my face, but my expression now says confusion and worry, not sadness and grief.
He drags me along the waiting rooms, the dance rooms, and then turns right and enters another corridor with a single door in the end of it.
What is this? Alice In Wonderland, or something?!
My tears have completely stopped now, because I'm too confused to feel sad...
He knocks on the door, and then turns around to tell me, "Prepare to be amazed..." with a sweet and happy look on his face.
What...amazed? Is there like a lion or something hiding behind that door? I don't understand a single thing.
But when the door opens...everything becomes as clear as glass..

---

Behind the door lies tables with food, balloons, sparklers, a DJ, a disco ball....and the room is covered with red decorations.
And I think about every single SM group and solo artist is here standing in front of everything, holding drinks, chatting...and on top of them hangs a beautiful, sparkly banner that says :

GOODBYE RED!!! WE'LL MISS YOU!! -SM

I just widen my eyes and become a statue...like seriouslly, I even stopped breathing...
"Yeah,yeah, I'm so excited....-OH THERE HE IS!!! EVERYBODY!! RED'S HERE!!! OK, 1,2,3..." none other than Park Chanyeol interrupts his chat with Amber when he sees me, and shouts with his loud deep voice to get everyone's attention.
"SUPRISE!!!" they all screamed at once, while popping the sparklers, filling the room with red glitter and shiny papers.
Wow...they didn't leave me...
They all right there...clapping and smiling at me....everyone....
Every single EXO member runs up to me all in smiles, and crushes me in a group hug, which, because I was still in shock and didn't gain control of my legs, sent me hurtling to the ground, with a loud THUMP.
But I didn't care how much my butt hurt right now...all I cared about was my friends..
Because this proves that they're my friends...my real friends...they weren't just pretending...that made me so uncontrollably happy, that I started crying again.
I mean, they throwed me a whole goodbye party...thank you..
I just sit their laughing and crying, hugging them until they couldn't breathe anymore...but there was someone missing...
Kris. Where is he? I didn't see him in the crowd either...
Before I can open my mouth to ask, I barely see someone emerging from the crowd...
With red hair and a stunning red suit.
He walks up to the pile of members and starts picking them off the floor one by one...before helping me up. Holding my arm like it was a precious jewel, that could easily break...
I can't believe it.
He dyed his hair just like my hair color...Kris...
"Hi, pretty boy..." he chuckles while looking me in the eyes before, squeezing me in one of his famous life-drenching hugs, that I've actually...gotten used too.
I'm gonna miss his hugs...I'm gonna miss...him.
Of course I'll miss every single one of these guys, I mean they gave me the most fun I've had in years...but Kris...Kris is special.
He gave me more than friendship....no,he gave me something more than that.
His heart.
And I'll never forget that.
I stay there hugging him, taking in his warmth, before I leave him forever, and probably never feel him again...

---

The party was a complete blast.
I danced with SHINee, sang with BoA (more like epically failed at it), talked with SUJU, and of course had a chicken eating competition with Onew and Kai(?)...I personally thought I could have won.
If I didn't eat all those american style cupcakes that Amber and the girls from f(x) and Girl's Generation made in honor of me...I couldn't deny them. They spend all day making them...not that they tasted bad. They were actually amazingly rich and chocolatey...I loved them.
Well I talked with every single group there, played games with them, talked about each other's life, and of course ate a lot..I had so much fun that, when the party was over..I felt even more depressed about having to leave...

---

The party roughly ended around 4:00 pm. I felt absolutely honored that the groups manager's and the CEO himself, allowed the groups to skip their schedule today,and just spend a day with me.
Turns out the whole 'Thailand' thing, was just a lie for the guy's to have an excuse to go and set up the party and get everyone ready for my arrival.
But Kris was late because, he went and bought a suit just for this occasion..an amazing red one, with beautiful rose lace embelishments. And of course to get his hair dyed my color.
Oh, Kris.
He told me it took him about 4 hours to find the exact color of my hair.
That's so sweet of him...the fact that he went through all that trouble..
Just for me.
No one ever did something like that for me...
Thank you.
I can't help but frown a little, as the limo pulls up the street right in front the building. Just like the first day I got here...
I'm holding my back pack in one and, my suitcase in the other. I open the door, and throw them inside carelessly. I don't wanna waste any time.
I instantly turn to the boys who are all standing in a line behind me, ready to say goodbye to me.
They all have cold and sad expressions. And I know how hard they're trying to keep their tears from falling out...they must be strong, because if they cry, I'll cry, and then we'll stay here all day.
Let's just get this over with. Proffessionally.
I walk up to the first member. Xiumin. Bow. Hug, Handshake.
Next, Luhan. Tight hug. Smile.
Next, Chen. Hug. Goodbyes.
Next, Lay. Goodbye in Mandarin. Wink and smile accompanied with hug.
Next, D.O. Oh no...no Kyungsoo...don't start crying...tight hug, back rubs and tear wiping.
Next, Kai.... Oh come on guys, stop making this any harder than it already is, by crying. Hug. Shaky handshake. Extra hug. Plus, Kai slipped a note in my palm while he was shaking it. I quickly put it in my pocket, and make a mental note to see what it is later.
Next, Sehun. Oh, finally someone who's not- oh wait...when he looked at me in the eyes while saying goodbye, he broke down...Extra close hug. Back rub. Kiss on forehead. My sis always feels better when I do that. Hopefully it'll work on Sehun.
I hate goodbyes so much...it seems the more along the line I go, the weaker the members get.
Suho the second before the last, actually kissed me twice on the cheeks and then hugged the life out of me. And he never stopped the water works once. He just kept crying and crying. Poor guy. Is he really gonna miss me that much?
If he said goodbye like this, I wonder what...

Kris is gonna do...

I'm about to find out. He's next.
His head is lowered,so I can't even see his face, or anything.
I put my hands on his shoulders and he lifts his head when he realizes it's his turn.
At that moment, I think my heart actually shattered.

His face was completely stained with tears, his mascara and eyeliner were running, from the corners of his glassy-looking eyes, all the way down his chin, and reaching for his neck while I look at him, feeling ever so guilty and sad...like I did something wrong to make him cry like
this...


Wait. I did.
I made him fall in love with me.
That's what I did.
Sorry, Kris...
His expression was one of heart-break, dissapointment,sadness, shame, and grief as well as...guilt.
That's when the wall I was trying so hard to built around my feelings broke down...and with it, so did I.

We both flung into each other's arms and cried like a mother cries for her dead child, or how girl's cry after a bad break-up...that badly.
I clung onto his neck, and kept my face in the crook of it, while he kept his face hidden in my chest.
We cried and cried....I could feel his tears staining my shirt, while my tears stained his neck...probably forever..

It probably took as a good 5 minutes to calm down and actually talk to each other, and say a proper goodbye.
Kris took a deep breath and tried to wipe his tears away from his cheeks, neck, and chin, which effectively smudged his dripping make-up even more.


He looked me in my now as well, smudged eyes, while holding my hands as tight as he could with his shaking ones, and said completely weakly,
"Goodbye..." His tears started falling again, but he didn't show he was sad, instead he tried to smile.
"Goodbye..." I answered equally as weak back to him.
Then I had a idea. An idea of how to end this sweetly...

A kiss.

I know this will probably shock all the members, if our outbreak didn't already that is, and probably ruin Kris's reputation if a paparazzi catches us...but, I know that's what Kris wants for comfort.
He does love me after all...if he didn't he wouldn't have broke down in front of everyone and me, so badly.
Only someone who's going to lose someone so special, would weap so hard and violently.
So, determined, I take a hold of his eyeliner-smudged cheeks and lean in...
One sweet, soft, quick kiss...that's all it took to cure him.
When I pulled back, he was red, and started to smile again, acting embarassed and shy. But the tears never stopped flowing...and I don't know if they ever will.
Well, at least I made him smile for once after all this grief-striken goodbye...
Kris was so happy that I kissed him...whereas the members...not so much..
Well, actually I don't know what they thought about it...













Some of them stood there with the jaws hanging, some of them with wide-as-saucepan eyes, others with embarrassed smiles..and Tao fell with his knees on the street laughing...
Oh, Tao. Forever BFF.
Well, with all this drama, the chauffer probably got kinda bored of waiting, and started honking the limo's horn.
So I said my last goodbyes...and had a last sweet kiss with Kris,before I jumped in the back of the limo. I'm actually gonna really miss his lips..they're so sweet and soft...
The limo starts to pull away and I open the window, to find the guys surrounding Kris wanting an explanation, while Kris just stands there looking love-struck, while limbly waving goodbye.
I wave back, while blowing kisses. He blows some back, and gives me one last amazingly happy smile.
And as for Tao...well of course he's still sitting there laughing on the street. Someone get that kid help, because I think he's gone into shock or something.
When we turn round the corner, and I can't see the members, the building or even the top of the building, I remember that Kai gave me something back there.
Oh yeah, a note.
I take out the little folded ripped piece of white paper and open it up to see what it actually is.
It's a message. It reads:

Dear Red,
Remember that night when I told you my feelings for Kyungsoo? Well, I did what you told me, and guess what?
He felt the same too...he said he always loved me, but was too afraid to tell me.
And so we spent some time together, and now we decided to date, but because nobody else knows, can you please keep it as our little secret?
Thanks for getting me together with someone I truly love, and I hope you find someone like that in your life as well!
Love Kai xoxoxox

Really? They got together? Aw....I'm so happy!
I'm so glad that I actually helped someone express their feelings, and find true love....
Aww...your welcome Kai...
And about me finding someone...

I think I already have.

---

Notes

Well...if your heart didn't break, mine sure did... x')
But, don't worry, this is not the end of Kris & Red...it's only just the very beginning... x3
Thanks for reading~