I wake with a start as my alarm blares. With hair everywhere and my blankets thrown off the small bed, I obviously look like the newest teenaged girl who dreams of being an idol. The alarm blinks in the semi-darkness, 5:20 am. I sigh, feeling the fatigue climb back into my limbs and weighing me down. But I can’t let it stop me. Knowing how much more I need to practice, I force myself out of bed and drag my feet across the cold floor to the dresser. Quickly changing, I look around for my sports bag. It’s buried under the audition clothes from yesterday and all the paper identification numbers and information sheets.
Could this really be happening? Could my dream finally be coming true?
I’m dragged from my thoughts by a beep from my phone, the small message dwarfed by the time that reads now reads 5:35am. Crap. I'll have to hurry to get to the studio before the others arrive so I have more time to work on my dances before the first class starts at 8.

Most other trainees have school, but I don't go to school much anymore. I spend too much time at the studio dancing and practicing my vocals to attend school. But I still have really good grades because of my self study. It was a miracle that they were so high, but I guess since I tried so hard in both my dreams and my studies they turned out so well. I only truly regret not being able to go to school more, and giving up the idea of learning traditionally for a dream that I was terrified was going to end horribly. I have no other desire than to be on stage performing- I want to share my passion and I want to inspire people as I've been inspired. I want to help the flame that burns inside each person grow brighter as they find themselves. But recently I've discovered that I also want to be onstage...for me. It's where I'm happiest. Where I'm free and restricts are nothing anymore. For once in my life I'm able to express myself, and I can finally get my message across.

I shake my head to clear my thoughts as I plug in my phone to the speakers in the dance studio, music blaring so early in the morning. Luckily the walls were mostly soundproof or else people would complain. I select the first song, and hit shuffle for rest on the playlist I have for dance.
Walking to the middle of the floor, I stand there and allow myself to feel the beat. Allowing the rhythm to swallow up my being and make me one with the music.
"This is what I live for," I whisper as my body starts to move.


~~~~______A few hours later______~~~~


"That's it for today class! You'll all have to work a lot harder if you plan on making it big!" The teacher yells from the front of the class, his voice booming well over the music that still echoed in the room. Two girls across from me whisper then giggle, but they quickly try hush themselves.
"Otherwise," the teacher warned, his eyes glaring at the girls but then moving across the entire classroom, as if he was picking out who would be the ones to be eliminated or quit. "Don't waste my time."
Once he walks through the door, I feel my body relax. The first day was stressful, and there would be many more stressful days to come. But I would hold on until I debuted. Then, it'll all be worth it.
Our class was a mixture of trainees that had been training for a few months, and the newer ones, which included myself.
The eyes of my teachers and sunbaes felt heavy on me for some reason. It was like they didn't need any more competition, and we would be the ones to pay for becoming it.
I walked out of the practice room behind a group of girls heading to their vocals class. My eyes followed them until they turned down another hallway. A pang of guilt, sadness and loneliness washes over me. Knowing what I pushed away in my attempts for my dream- sometimes I cry myself to sleep because of it. I wanted both so badly, but I was scared that one would compromise the other. So in my pursuit, I closed myself off to anything other than what I wanted to do.

My hand probes each practice doorknob as I pass it. Locked. Locked. Locked. Broken. Locked. Finally, and to my surprise, one opens, revealing a pitch black room. I check over my shoulder making sure no one saw me as I slipped into the room and locked the door. Technically trainees weren’t allowed in the studio. Technically. But yet here I was already breaking rules.
Switching on the light I notice that this room is more chic than any of the others I’ve seen so far, and the music system looks like it has been modified. Remembering what Choi HaeJin told the group of auditionees while explaining processes and stuff to us, it looks like this room might be used by a group that is in the early stages of being put together, or possibly even a solo artist. But since it doesn’t have any personal items in it to make me think otherwise, I walk up to the stereo and plug my phone in.

A few more hours go by of running over choreography countless times until I felt satisfied with how I performed. Sweat falls from my neck and forehead, dampening my shirt more. My legs suddenly give way, and I fall to the floor.
“Ah,” I mutter, “this sucks.” I massage my legs and try to stand, but shake so much I have to sit back down. I continue muttering under my breath until I give up trying to stand and just sit on the ground- the first bit of rest I’ve gotten in all day. My head rests in my hands as is lay down with a sigh.

“I thought you were never going to rest.” A voice says from behind me. But I didn’t hear the door open, I think startled. Suddenly I find the strength to stand and face the voice. A man who looks to be in his late twenties or early thirties continues to come towards me. “You’re dedicated, I like it.” This time when he speaks he looks around the room, as if inspecting it.
“Hello. Who are you?” Cautiously, I step back and bow. I wasn’t familiar with everyone in the company, so it was better I stay formal, especially since everyone was a senior to me.
The man paused for a moment, his hair falling a bit out of place as he turned his gaze back to me. “Cha Taekil."
I gasp. Cha Taekil was the ceo of the company. He had the final decision on anything related to the trainees. He decided which trainees he wanted to keep to debut and who would have to leave the company. I bow again, deeper this time.
"Hello," I say again, trying to be more formal and respectful than before if it was possible.
"Lee YoonHee. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"I know who you are. I asked Choi Haejin too. She speaks highly of you." I bow my head at his kind words.
I look at him in curiosity. "Your busy aren't you? Is there something I can help you with?" He nods his head, smiling a bit.
"I love your spirit. I admire your determination. I like you as an idol, and you're an interesting person from what I've gathered. From your audition tapes I've seen your talent, and I watched you practice. I have an idea, and it would train you amazingly well."
My heart jumps to my throat. What was this offer? He hasn't even told me the details and I'm practically jumping on whatever it is. One of the most important men in this company is telling me he likes my talent. I'm barely containing my happiness, it feels like I'll cry at those words.
"Can I ask what it is?" I try not to sound too excited. I try to lower my hopes, just incase it's not what I expect, but it's no use.
"I want to put you with a group."

Notes