Why Is Your Love So Cold?

I was wrong and stupid. I had the right to be paranoid; the stranger immediately turned around and pinned me down, it happened so quickly I barely had time to breathe. They suddenly speak, “You might recognise me, I’ve been following you, I know you’re routine like the back of my hand, you’ll pay for what you did!”
“What did I do?” quiet noises escape my mouth. But they couldn’t hear me, all I could see was their arm lifting up about to hit me when, it suddenly became harder to breathe, panic and fear explode inside of me.My loss of breath must have scared the stranger away.
I consciously lay on the floor, deciding whether to stand or not. A couple minutes pass, I’ve got myself together and I finally stand up, I wrap my arms closer towards my body, before cautiously looking around. My breathing is still heavy, but I quickly make my way home, looking around to make sure I’m not being followed.
*****
As soon as I stepped into the JYP building, I made the decision to stick with the few songs I have to make a mini album, I had to confirm if that was alright with JYP and everything which wasn’t hard. This just means that I have more time to practice learning routines and live performing, as well as going through the concept and title song for the music video. When you make your debut regardless of any company they have to spend a lot of time and effort for how the career will set off smoothly, like advertisement, concepts, appearances etc… (it’ll take forever to explain the marketing and promotion but it’s a lot of preparation)
That afternoon before I was going to practice Yeeun called to say that she’ll be out of town the whole week because of her schedule. Dread… Worry…set over me, I don’t know why. I’m going to be home alone all week. I normally wouldn’t have minded but now…The thought kind of scared me.
“What?! Can’t you reschedule or something do you have to go now?” I almost plead.
[Rian, are you kidding me? These are important schedules it costs so much money to reschedule them all. It’s jam packed.] Yeeun replies in a well-kept tone. This probably means that I’ve annoyed her and she’s holding it back. [Plus, I’d rather do it now than during your debut. You’ll probably want me there, right?] She adds. She’s got a point but still, I can’t stay alone…I can’t easily tell her over phone, I need to talk to her face to face.
“Yeeun, it’s just that,” I nervously begin, “I don’t-”
[Sorry I’ve got to go, I’ll talk to you later before I leave this evening!] She suddenly hangs up.
“Ye-” I just let out a big sigh. I nervously pace back and forth while looking at my feet.
“Are you okay?” A familiar deep voice asks me. I turn around to face Mark who looks concerned.
“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” I try to shrug it off. He grabs my arm before I could leave, “I know we kind of got off on the wrong foot and everything but if there’s anything wrong I’ll be there for you if ever need me,” He sincerely states. This surprises me, what is going on? This has never happened to me before. My mum, sister and Gaeun have said that but never anyone else. The fact that I’ve held it in for a while, must have got to me because a tear slips its way from my eyes down my checks. Mark carefully leads me into an empty practice room before wiping my tears for me. He scans my face slowly and carefully. “Why are you crying?” He calmly asks me.
“My sister is leaving me all week by myself, because of her schedule,” I reply
“Is that all?”
“I just didn’t want her to leave right now,”
“Why?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. The subject annoys me,”
“Why?”
“I don’t know it just does. It’s a weakness, that doesn’t help anyone,”
“There’s obviously something else. You don’t seem like the type that cries a lot, but if you don’t want to tell me it’s alright, I’ll go.” He says, slowly taking steps back.
“I’m scared! Okay!?” He stops and turns to face me. “I’m scared, because I’m being stalked every time I walk to and from this building. I’m scared to be without my sister who is there to protect me, I’m scared and paranoid. I used to be able to stay at home alone but ever since that stranger followed me more than once I just can’t be by myself,” My voice cracks half way through, as more tears slowly fall from my eyes. I’m suddenly engulfed in a hug. I was too caught up in my tears to notice but I automatically wrap my arms around his waist. “It’s a normal thing to be upset or scared, everyone goes through it. It’s not a weakness to feel those things,” He comforts me.
“So you’re telling me that you were followed again? When was this?” He asks slowly pulling away from the hug.
“Yesterday,” The tremble in my voice has now gone. I finally felt better to let that all off my chest.
“Yesterday?! Are you okay did the stranger do anything?” He suddenly returns to his worried state which you don’t hear often from this guy.
“I was pinned to the floor and they were about to hit me, but I had a panic attack, so they ran away,”
“Rian, why are you holding things like this in? You need to tell people or they’ll never be able to help”
“I’d like to think of myself as quite independent, I don’t need help, and I’ve been able to handle many problems myself,” I firmly reply. “And anyways I’m talking to you right now…” I reply.
“I use to or still kind of think like that, but I learnt that sometimes telling people you trust, about an issue helps much more than trying to deal with something traumatic, by yourself.”
“Could you please not tell anyone about this or that I cried?” I plead once again. That’s when I notice that Mark has still been holding me. He abruptly lets go once he realises himself, “Sure, if that’s what you want,” he hastily replies.
“Thanks,” I give him a small smile, “I, er, think I need to go and practice, thank you again and I’ll talk to you later,” I swiftly exit the room, and find a practice room. All I could do was lean against the wall. What the heck just happened? I don’t cry, and I don’t get scared easily, and I’m crying into Mark’s arms…
Let’s just focus on practice.

4 Hours Later
I quietly leave the changing rooms. My mind is set I’m going to walk home without being scared and if that guy shows up I will take them down, with no regret.
It was already dark outside, the street lights were lit illuminating the streets. I look through my bag for my phone, it’s not too late I’ve got enough time before Yeeun leaves, I shove my phone back inside the bag and continue walking. Too my “surprise” a dark figure starts walking the same time as I do. I act like I’m looking for something in bag again, this is my attempt to see if I am being followed. The person is wearing all black with a design on the jacket but I couldn’t look long enough to see what it was, I need to remain calm, I’m not going to show that I’m scared if I am being followed. Fast footsteps come from behind me, “Rian,” They quickly say, I wait until they are close enough before I grab them and pin them down. A small groan is heard as they hit the ground. I finally got them, I wonder who it is, before I could celebrate my bravery the person immediately pushes me off and I end up getting pinned down instead. It happened so quick I didn’t have time to blink, this sin’t go according to plan.
“M-Mark, what are you doing?” I ask confused, “I thought you were following me!” I add. He looks just as surprised as I am, but quickly regains his normal expression.
“Well I’m not,” He simply replies. I awkwardly look around but my eyes are drawn back to his, “Care to explain why it seemed like you were following me?”
“I was already outside the building and you dropped something on the way out, I was trying to give it back, I didn’t realise it was you until now,”
“Ohh, okay then. Well now that we’ve cleared that up could you please-GET OFF ME?!”
“Ah, yeah sorry,” He jumps up, and holds his hand out for me, I politely take it. A sharp pain shoots through my shoulder, I place my good hand onto it. “Aish, Mark that really hurt, you didn’t have to be so harsh,”
“I’m sorry, I got surprised when you pinned me down it was reflex to get out of that,” He quickly excuses himself. I playfully punch his arm, “I’m just kidding,” I tease, his face relaxes. He hands over my small book full of lyrics, “Thank you, If I lost this I don’t know what I would have done,” I carefully put it back into my bag. Since we were both heading in the same direction, we begin to make our way together. It was initially a quiet walk, I didn’t know what to say, I began feeling nervous, every now and then I open my mouth to say something but close it. There’s something that suddenly makes me nervous for some reason, “Thank you, for earlier…” Shyness takes over my voice, he turns his focus from the road ahead to me, “No problem,” he replies with a smile, “Why are you sounding so shy?” He teases me,
“I don’t know, I’ve never cried like that before in a long time, and it made me feel better when you were there so I could talk to someone,” Nervousness creeps into different parts of my explanation, “I didn’t really think you liked that sort of thing, but you were there for me. Thank you, again”
A smile creeps onto his face, “This is a first, you’ve said thank you so many times today,” I nervously chuckle in response, “Don’t get used to it,”
“I don’t know, I could be really helpful to you, you’d have no choice but to say thanks,” he retorts.
“Shut up,” I playfully chime, “If you were doing it on purpose I would never say thanks half-heartedly. I really mean it when I say it to someone face to face,” We both stop walking, the world seems to stop, it’s like there’s an enchantment that stops me from looking at him.
No. What is happening?
The coldness of the air quickly falls upon the night, it sends small shivers down my spine, interrupting this moment. I must have left my jacket in the building. I try to ignore it. We slowly begin walking. Mark gently places his jacket onto my shoulders, “Thanks, but aren’t you going to be cold?” I ask. He shakes his head, “I’m wearing sleeves I’ll be fine,” He assures me. I nod in response.
We shortly make it to my house, time went by so quick and I was no longer scared. “Well, this is my stop,” We’re currently standing outside the front door. I turn to face him, “Thank you for walking me home, I mean it and you know why,” I say with a small smile,
“You’re welcome,”
“Oh, I almost forgot, I’ll give back your jacket,” I begin to take it off, but his hands stop me, “It’s fine you can keep it, it suits you” May face flushes with embarrassment.
“Thanks,” I couldn’t look up, but Mark gently tilted my head up to face him, “Face to face,” He teases. I look at him properly this time, “Thank you,” That weird feeling where the world stops comes over me again, we’re staring at each other, but this time our faces are very close. It’s like I have no control over what will happen next but at the same time it feels voluntary. Our lips touch, it was shy but sweet, his soft lips are on mine, he gently pulls me closer towards his body. Tingles of excitement travel up and down my spine. The front door begins to open, we quickly break apart before Yeeun could see us in that. “Hey!” she greets us, “I thought I heard noises outside, I didn’t mean to interrupt your conversation,” she politely adds.
“No, it’s fine we were just, erm, saying goodbye,” Mark replies.
“I’ll be inside,” she quickly leaves us. I awkwardly turn back to face him.
“T-that happened,”
“Y-yeah it did,” I reply slowing biting my lip,
“I’ll leave you to enter your house, after this,” He pulls me towards him again and we continue from where we were interrupted, it lasts a while longer than before but we decide to stop before Yeeun get suspicious. “Goodnight,” He says with a smile.
“Goodnight,” I wave him off and enter the house. As soon as I close the door, a tiny smile stretches across my face. I touch my lips with the ends of my fingertips. We kissed, and I liked the kiss. Flashbacks of the evening cloud my mind, my behaviour my nervousness my actions it all adds up I like Mark.

Notes

Than you for reading! Hope you enjoyed this chapter it took a while to write since I was scared about how the chapter would be. It takes me a while to be satisfied with an idea and carry it through to make a chapter out of it.