Gratefulness~ pt.4

On Sunday morning the atmosphere seems a bit better, now that everyone has adapted the normal sleep pattern again. After the classes, raport and my first gym workout I visit the YG cafeteria for the very first time. It's known and praised worldwide. Winner is also enjoying their lunch there as I walk in. I sit down at the table where Bu Bae Kwan and Jinny Park are chatting. They have the same rap classes scheduled next as I have.
"There's a man who comes to teach us beatboxing," Jinny Park tells us enthusiastically as she's munching a meat dumpling.
I can already beatbox a little," Ba-Bo shows off her skills and we clap afterwards.
"Wow, you are so good at everything," I look at her astonished. She has colored the short shaved side of hear head to dark blue. Ba-Bo laughs smugly.
"Well, I just work hard. And I suck at vocals," she grins.
"You must be very good too," Jinny turns to me and puts her chopsticks down.
"You're getting in a group so soon!"
I smile akwardly.
"I guess so... I personally don't think that I'm that amazing."
"Even so, I can't wait to hear you rapping," she smiles.

After the classes at the front yard I meet Minzy whom I smile at as a greeting. I haven't seen many artists after I moved to Korea and every single time I see one I have to tell my inner fangirl to calm down.
Taeyang gets out of a black van which idols use to move from a place to another. There are lots of those vans in the parking lot.
"Mineha!" he yells and nods to greet me.
"Oh, hello!" I greet him cheerfully. Behind him I can see a group of girls staring at their idol and pulling out the cameras and mobile phones. Taeyang turns around to see what I'm looking at.
"Dong Young Bae!" the girls squeal. Tae laughs and waves at them.
"Let's go and say hello to them," he smirks at me.
"Seriously?" my eyes widen. Tae nods confidently.
We walk through the yard and cross the road.
"Oh my god! Oh my god!!" the girls keep covering their faces and hopping restlessly.
"Taeyang, saranghae," a small girl confesses shyly and Young Bae pats her head. His eyes sparkle as he greet his fans.
"Mineha?" a cute Korean girl glances at me fascinated.
"Ne," I nod my head slightly and smile.
"Oh, you are so pretty!" she pronounces funnily and I laugh.
"Omo," a blond one can't believe the situation is real.
"Picture! Picture!" a tall and skinny girl waves her phone in the air and we all gather up close to each other for a selfie. Tae places his arm around the confused girls and me.
"Omo! Gamsahabnida, gamsahabnida!" the girl keeps bowing and holds the phone in her hands like a newborn baby. I can't stop smiling at their adorable expressions. If I wasn't a trainee now I would propably be at their place, as an exchange student in Korea and spending certainly more time in front of the YG building than at school studying.
"I made a fansite for you!" the same girl who first recognised me says suddenly and I feel funny. I have already a fansite and a fan?
"Pretty, pretty! Yeppeoyo!"
I smile widely and keep nodding.
"She likes you more than she likes me!" Taeyang gives a laugh and looks at me. I blush, cover my face and smile.
"Aniyo..." the girl glances at YB embarrassed. I nudge him.
"Don't be so jealous," I laugh.
"Of course not," he touches my hair and ruins my hairstyle because of it.
"Aish! Young Bae-ssi!" I scream. "Do I really have to bear you?"
The girls laugh beside me.
"But we have to go now. Annyeonghi gaseyo," Tae bows and smiles at his fans and then pushes me across the road and leads me into the building.

We take the elevator to the fifth floor.
"Where are we going?" I ask as I realize that I have just followed him blindly. He smirks.
"You come to plan this evening's concert with us," he notifies me.
"Oh... Interesting."
We walk along the corridor to the Management section and arrive at the BIG BANG's office where there is a long table placed in the middle and lots of chairs are surrounding it. One of the walls is completely made out of glass and it shows a nice view over the city. Ji Yong, TOP, Daesung and Seungri and some staff are sitting around the table. Daesung is the first one to notice us.
"Ah, hyung! We planned everything without you already," he grins. I laugh at their brotherhood. Taeyang scowls at him. Ji doesn't look away from the papers in front of him until I sit ion the opposite side of him. He glances at me surprised and then smiles slightly. I turn to look at the manager who's speaking and suggesting something. I listen to their discussion and learn a bunch of new things at the same time. Taeyang translates the plans to me and at two pm the staff leaves the room to their own directions.
"You have to come too!" Taeyang smiles at me. "To the concert. You get to see how everything works!"
Right then YG walks into the room.
"But shouldn't I practice dancing?" I ask.
YG looks at us and squints his eyes as he hears us talking.
"You can go," Hyun Suk nods at me and I bow at him respectfully with a wide smile on my face.

I get inside the black van after Seungri and sit down. Ji sits next to me, on purpose, but I try to look like I'm not paying attention to it. I haven't talked with him for a long long time and the way to the concert venue feels somehow very akward. I freeze on my spot and just keep checking my nails and my phone in turns. I feel guilty for their break-up and I can't really deal with the situation the right way. Kiko had seen the message that Ji had sent my ex and then they had fought and because of that they hade chosen to break up for good. I had been in the way again, or maybe I had been all the time. Sometimes I think that I should not get any more involved in him.

At the concert venue I walk around with Seungri and Taeyang and they tell me about the preparations. The stage and decorations are pretty much ready as they were there already for the concert yesterday but some of the songs have changed places or have been replaced with some other songs so it requires some new arrangements.
"How have you been?" Taeyang asks and sits next to the stage on stairs.
"Well," I think. "It's hard but I kinda like it. I like to keep busy," I smile with tired eyes. Luckily, today I get to just enjoy the show and relax a bit. Burn out doesn't seem to be too far away, to be honest.
"Yes. You gotta work hard," Seungri pats my shoulder.
"It's never easy for trainees. But you have been very lucky! Many don't even get in and normally it takes many many years until you can even become a trainee."
I keep nodding. I've heard of that so many times already that it almost annoys me although it is true. It's just that I don't feel honoured, I feel ashamed for being the exception among the others.
"I know. It feels unfair that I got in this easily," I grin. Tae smiles at me comfortingly.
"Don't care about what others say. You are talented so you deserve it."
I utter a lazy laughter.
"Thanks, oppa."
Ji walks to the edge of the stage and crouches beside us.
"Young Bae, where are my sunglasses?" he asks and acts like he's seriously searching for them. He could have used Korean too though.
"I gave them back to you," Tae frowns.
"Yeh but I can't find them," Ji mutters. Surprisingly, he looks at me.
"Help me, please."
"But we were just talking about..." I look at the boys.
"Just go," Seungri pushes me with his elbow and I snort. I guess I have to. I follow Ji slowly to the backstage.

"What kind of sunglasses are they?" I ask quietly. He just keeps walking in front of me without even looking back.
"Are you mad?" he asks on the run. I don't answer.
"Are they round? Black?" I keep asking about the glasses. Then Ji stops and turns around, blocking my way. He looks down on the ground, sighs loudly and then turns to look at me.
"I'm sorry for not contacting you but you know that I had a good reason for that."
I nod a little and feel embarrassed for my manners. I would like to tell him that I haven't been feeling very well either but I don't want him to pity me. I just bite my lower lip. It's silent for a while.
"I still want to see you," he says boldly. I look into his eyes. His calm expression hasn't changed. He's keeping it cool.
"Would you come to the stage with me?"
I laugh sarcastically.
"Isn't it a bit too sudden?"
"You don't want to?" Ji shakes his head. I run my fingers through my hair.
"I don't know," I answer quietly and look away.
"What's wrong?" he wonders, stares at me irritably.
"Who are you to tell me to come to the stage with you? I don't have to do what you say," I snap.
"I just asked," Ji grabs his sunglasses from the bench. They were never even missing.
"Mineha," Ji begins with calmer tone this time. He looks me right in the eyes. "It's true that at first I wanted to show you off just for fun. I wanted to make her jealous."
I laugh dramatically and that if something is not my style. I very seldom do that.
"I knew it. I should have never trusted you. I thought you weren't like this..."
Ji touches my arm to calm me down.
"But listen. Now I really want to spend more time with you," he tries to convince me. "I want you to hold my hand when I'm on stage," he nods at the direction where the stage is.
"Somehow you give me power."
I stare at him without saying a word. I'm not sure if I should trust him or not.
"You know... Even after all this what has happened, I missed you. I really missed you," he sneers amused by himself.
"I didn't have time to miss Kiko because I missed you."
His words are crazy, I think to myself. He's talking nonsense. But at the same time I feel warm inside.
"Are you joking?"
"Ani," he pulls me against him, wraps his arms around me thightly. I can't do anything else but to hug him and sigh.
"I'm so sorry too," a delicate voice comes out of my mouth.
"Don't," he pulls himself away and the familiar little smile spreads on his face. I smile back and inhale deeply. It feels like a heavy burden had been lifted from my shoulders.
"Only thing that matters is that you came back and are now here, with me."

Notes