Gratefulness~ pt.4

This time I choose a different route because I wouldn't like to end up walking into the same bar and making the same mistakes again. In fact, I don't even want to go to a bar. Maybe it is not the smartest idea to stay alone in the park and drink when no one's watching or if someone is, he may not want anything good to me. I am still strong and sure that I can defend myself and use self-defense if the situation requires that.
I walk past a row of trees and to the same place I met Kiko earlier. This feels perfect because I deserve it. I hurt them both. I don't know if I was any help. I sit down and put the handbag down on my lap.

I open the vodka bottle. Kiko flips her silky hair and glances at me as I pour the poison down my throat. The sound of falling and flowing water makes me relaxed.
"Are you happy now?" Kiko asks beside me. "Is that what happy looks like?"
I look at myself. A small well-dressed girl, with a bottle of alcohol, sitting in the middle of a park on a cold autumn night. I must be pathetic. But I have caused my misery by myself.
"Mianhe," I breath. I take another gulp while the previous one is still burning on my tongue. "Jinjja mianhe."
Kiko turns to me, her knees facing my direction. But I don't dare to look at her.
"Are you happy?"
"No... I am not."
A little fragile leaf flies on my arm and I pinch it with my fingers but it soon rips in parts and falls on the ground. It's just like me. I fell but I got a new opportunity. Still, it wasn't enough. I destroyed the new chance I got, the chance to be successful. I can't stand this bad feeling that's corroding me slowly, like poison. The poison I am pouring down my throat.
I look at Kiko. Her blank, emotionless gaze and her model-perfect skin. Her shiny straight hair and clothes, the latest fashion. Her jewellery. And still she's unhappy, silent and in pain. I look down.
"You know, I really wished you would have stayed together," I say silently. My begin to freeze.
"But it is your fault that we broke up. Your fault every thing. You did it!" Kiko yells at me and I have deserved it, every single censure. It's quiet for a while. I can hear dry leaves running through the area, flying over the tiles.
"If you had stayed together, I wouldn't need to worry... That I screw up again. That I hurt him."
An older man dressed fancily bicycles further away on the path, not seeing me. Wind whistles up in the trees.
"You are just like me," a silent whisper reaches my ear.
It's true, I think to myself. I am just like her. My skin feels cold... I am cold. I am bad.
"At first," I begin. "I wanted to be the girl who would never do anything bad to him. I though by myself: I would appreciate him, cherish him and do my everything to make him happy, if I only was his. We would have fun together and I would never disagree with him. I would do anything he wanted to make him full but I would still keep my pride. I would make him forget all the scars, all the ugly memories. I would make him forget the rest of the world for a moment... He would than me and love me. And I would love him for the way he truly is inside. For his unique personality... For the kindness and sadness that lives inside of him. Then he would be able to focus on the beautiful things. He could do what he enjoys, what he loves, without having to trouble himself because of little mistakes. I'd love him no matter what. And, I think I already do..."
I'm starting to feel sick and the world circles around me. I'm still okay.
"Actually... It's good that you are not together anymore," I look at her angrily and Kiko looks at me back, hurt. "You made him sad! You made him cry so freaking many times! And it was you who made Ji Yong run into my arms! No one else but you yourself!"
"Girl, that's evil speaking! I would never hurt him!" Kiko looks at me furiously and I can see her eyes changing color to red. The bottle slides between my palms as I focus fully on that crazy bastard. Somewhere far away I can hear glass breaking and the shards flying everywhere.
"It's you! You used him!" I scream and show my fists. I'm ready to attact her.
"We were planning to get married but then you suddenly came and messed up with his fucking mind!" Kiko shouts and grabs my hair. I grab her arms and we fight.
"Why did you want to do that? You never even loved him!"
"How dare you!?" Kiko screams loudly and her voice echoes in my head.
"You son of a bitch!!" I yell and jump on her. But the thing I land on isn't her soft Chanel coat but instead a cold stone tile. Something crashes. The enviroment turns black before I realize what has happened...

Wind is humming in my ears that hurt. Or is it wind?
Something touches me. Scratches me. But I can't see anything. All I can do is to hear humming. Loud humming sound that makes me feel ill. So ill that I feel the reflex working and I throw up.
"Jagiya-ah..." says a voice somewhere far away. I spit out peaces of food between my teeth. My sense of touch comes back, finally. My teary eyes open slightly. I can feel someone holding me with his whole body weight so that I wouldn't sway around recklessly. I see a bush in front of me and a puddle where I apparently just empied the content of my stomach. My knees ache and as I look down, I see blood. W-where am I...
"Mineeha? Mineea!" the voice gets louder and louder and the mist isn't as thick anymore. I can see that someone has crouched next to me but my eyes keep on closing time after time. I can't blink anymore.
Cold fingers wipe my tears and the person cleans my face with a tissue. I sway backwards and it feels like I would fall down in a cave for a second.
"Ohh," he wraps his arms around me before I manage to hit the ground. He takes me on his lap and turns me to my side so that I wouldn't choke. I put my arm down on black jean fabric and mutter something restlessly. Who ever he is, it's warm on his lap. I just want to fall asleep here...
He utter a silent laughter.
"Jagi," he whispers and puts his hand on my forehead. "It's me. Ji Yong."
"Ji Yong..." I cough my dry throat. Acid is burning it after I threw up.
"Ya! Why are you here like this? Drinking alone?" he asks loudly right away as I respond something.
"Ji-Di..." I can barely open my mouth. I cough. I see a jacket being wrapped around me. "Ki-ki... Ki-kiko..."
"Hey, I can't here what you are saying," he massages my arms. "Does it hurt? Here's so much blood..." I feel his warm hands grabbing my face and turning it from side to side.
"Oh," he gasps and touches my forehead again. It hurts and I grin out of pain.
"Looks bad," he says silently. It feels like I would falls asleep again. My eyes close automatically.
"Mineea? Jagi? ... Ani. Wake up! Wake up, wake up! Ani..."

Notes

Teaser for chapter 15