Gratefulness~ pt.4

How did he know that there was a secret? Yeah, well... Maybe because I was hiding in the studio alone under the table. Yeah, maybe because of that...

I stare blankly and silently, take my time. And Young Bae does not try to squeeze the information out of me which is nice.
"You will definitely hate me if I tell you," I mutter.
"No," he answers with calm, low voice.
"I should go back to Finland," I keep going, pitying myself.
"No," Tae repeats silently.
"I've done something so bad that I should really just leave..."
"But you can't leave us," Young Bae lifts his chin calmly and looks at me, then pressing his palm on his chest dramatically.
"You can't leave me!"
I sneer. The already too familiar uncomfortable feeling returns. Tae puts his hand back down, stares at me silently. I hide my face between my knees.
"I hate how I always ruin everything..."
It takes a moment of silence before I decide to give in and tell him. The truth will come out at sometime. The reason why I ran away suddenly, again.
"I've done something with another boy that no one should never do when being in a relationship with someone else."
Tae doesn't say a word for a while and I don't dare to look at his direction. Then a warm hand lands on my shoulder.
"Did you kiss someone else than Ji Yong?" he wonders. I sigh and shake my head. I can almost hear his brains tick-tocking, thinking. Then he realises the seriousness of the situation. His hand slides down from my back.
"Oh..."
I brake into tears again.
"I'm sorry," I sob. "I'm so sorry! So sorry! I-i-i," I can't breath. "I was such a mess! I don't know what came into me. I'm crazy!" It feels like I would drown in the salty sea of tears. Everything is gone...
"Hey," I suddenly hear a comforting voice beside me. "Don't worry," Tae says. "People make mistakes."
I look at him astonished. How can he say something like that?! I cheated on G-Dragon! I cheated on his best friend! I SLEPT WITH SOMEONE ELSE!
"Young Bae... You.. Why? Why are you like that? Aren't you angry? Don't you want to kill me...?"
He shakes his head and I get even more confused. My mind is blown, for real.
"Life is too short for that. Of course that's... Yeah. I didn't think you were that kind of girl."
"And I'm not!" a new flow of tears stream down my face as I panic. "I just really wasn't myseld! I don't know anymore..." I'm sick of the excuses. I keep sobbing against my hands.
"Shh," Young Bae strokes along my back. "You will get over it. And I will help you. I promise."
I look at his face, his smiling face.
"We are family now, okay? We support each other."
"YG family," I mutter silently.
"Yes. YG family."

At lunch time, I'm waiting for Young Bae at the parking lot so that he would come and pick me up. My stomach feels like it has been turned upside down and, although it's not possible, I can almost feel the baby growing in my body. And it surely does not feel nice. I can't relax before it all really is over. I'm horribly tired and stressed of all the waiting and the constant fear mode. I'm feeling afraid of seeing Ji Yong anywhere, I'm afraid that someone will get to know and tell him, I'm afraid that the media will soon be talking about a trainee's baby. How the hell can the celebrities take this kind of lifestyle from a year to another? You have to always be on guard, tip-toeing. You can't do anything, any thing, unusual or scandalous and you have to always be running away from the media persons like they were police and you were a robber, running like it was you second job.

Soon a familiar-looking car curves to my direction. I'm about to cry out of happiness, out of scare again. I jump in when the car is still moving, sit down nervous. Taeyang looks at me quietly, trying to make me relax too. He makes a U-turn and drives back to the road.
"Did you get it...?" I ask.
"Ne. Of course," he answers without looking at me and turns the steering wheel to the right casually.
"You want it now?"
"Yes! Please, give it to me. Please..." I keep moving around restlessly and offering my hand. I'm about to cry again but I don't. There would be too much to explain, that I suddenly had an allergic reaction from something and that's why my eyes and whole face is swollen.
"Calm down, lovely," Tae touches my hand and I take a deep breath. I feel a bit better, thanks to him and his words. Lovely... He drops the package bought from pharmacy on my palm and I rip it open right away.
"Hey! Careful! I don't want anyone to find peaces of that package in my car," Tae startles and points at the peace of paper near my leg.
"Sorry," I feel embarrassed and sorry for making him witness this. I pick the peace up and drop all the peaces in my handbag. I take my water bottle and gulp down the tiny little pill without hesitating. I regret it so freaking much... I stare blankly at my empty palm.
"Good," Young Bae gives me a thumb up and I look at him without an expression. "Now everything's better, right? Don't cry anymore," he smiles and parks the car. But he doesn't know how much more I have to go through, he really doesn't.
"I will make you something delicious and you promise to forget everything bad, okay?" he looks at me long and makes me nod before getting out of the car, demanding on a positive reply.
"It wasn't your fault. Just like you said, you weren't yourself. There's so much worse things happening in this world and what you did is nothing compared to those, really, nothing. You didn't kill anyone."
I want to say that I killed his heart but I don't have strength to do that, to whine.
"You are a good girl. I know you are... Okay, let's go." He gets out of the car and I can smile a little bit already. I would have been all alone with my situation if he hadn't come to save me. I'm also angry at myself, but I try not to. I try to trust in his words. I have to be confident, so that no one would have even a slight reason to suspect me. Everything's okay. Everything will be okay. Nobody will ever know. It was a mistake that will never ever repeat itself. I will learn from my mistakes, right?

Notes

Teaser for chapter 13