Gratefulness~ pt.4

It's somewhere between morning and night when I wake up and wonder where I am. I feels like a hammer would be smacking my head. And then I remember what happened last night.
J-Hope is snoring silently on the opposite bed and I have wrapped myself in someone else's bedsheets. My heart starts beating faster because of fear and excitement, shame too.
I get up slowly, make the bed look like no one has ever even touched it. I pick up my clothes from all the four corners of the room... It feels hard to breath. I take a look at him whose upper body is fully naked and exposed for the last time. My cheeks are burning, just like my head. I sneak to the livingroom and dress up. I get my jacket and my handbag, make sure that I leave nothing behind, and then I leave the dormitory silently. I call a taxi to take me back to our dorm and wait for it in the cold air, shivering. "What did I do, what did I do... Oh my..."

At the dorm I barely manage to sneak inside mine and Ariel's room when everyone starts to wake up. I quickly cleanse my face and when Ariel wakes up, I pretend to be doing my morning routines. I smile at her slightly, say good morning and Ariel smiles back innocently. When she leaves the room, I sigh loudly out of relief. I survived. I quickly change my clothes and rush to the shower as the first person in line. I guess I think I can somehow wash away my sins. But I can't. The water pours on me and I think. I don't feel especially bad. I don't feel... Anything. Should I feel something...?

But when Monday morning rises, it all hits against my face. I collapse on the farthest studio's floor at YG building. Tears begin to stream from the corners of my eyes. The inner voice of mine calls me whore, idiot, betrayer... How can I do something like this to Ji? How dare I? What kind of a person am I? Someone, I didn't know I was. What am I going to do...? The horrible feeling inside of me doesn't get any better by the fact that we didn't use protection during the night. If I am now pregnant to Hos...
"No! No, no no...!" I shout out loudly in the studio made of thick thick walls and crawl under the table. I cry and cry and cry and I rage by myself like some immature child.
I have once again done it. Destroyed everything! Maybe I really should just leave, go back to my home, and say that my dreams can't be achieved! I don't deserve this anyway. I don't deserve Kwon Ji Yong, the G-Dragon. He should have never ever take liking to a moron like me! I'm only gifted in destroying my opportunities and my whole life! I am stupid! STUPID!!!

Then the door knob goes down, but it goes back up. It's like somebody had accidentally touched it. I sniffle once and stay completely quiet, listen. It's silent, but I know what I heard. I peek from underneath the table carefully at the glass door. Just as astonished eyes as mine look at me. Young Bae! At first I'm happy to see him but then I think "Oh no!" I back up under the table to hide although I know that he saw me already. I hide my face and hope more than anything that he would go away. That he would leave me be alone.
But of course he doesn't. The door opens and khaki-coloured military boots step in. He lets the door close after him.
"Mineea?"
I don't make any kind of noise but just squeeze my knees closer to my body.
"Was it you?" Tae asks and after a while he courches down, not knowing if he had just saw wrong. He looks at me confused and stares at me for a moment without saying anything. Then he looks at me amused.
"What are you doing?" he asks looking me like I'm a weirdo. I try to avoid his gaze. With the sleeve of my hoodie I wipe a tear from my cheek and Tae realizes it's something serious. His expression changes from amused to worried in less than a second.
"Hey..." he touches me foot gently. "Is something wrong?"
I sniffle and stay quiet. The last thing I would do is to tell GD's best friend about it.
Tae stands up and makes sure that no one is coming to the studio. Then he locks the door from the inside and crouches back to my level.
"Mineeha? I don't like the way you look..."
How am I supposed to react to that?
"Are you saying I look ugly...?" I mumble behind the palms of my hands.
"No," he utter a silent laughter and puts his hand on my knee. "Come out, please."
I shake my head and stare at him stubbornly. Tae sighs loudly and nods.
"Okay, well... Then I will come to you," he says and I must admit that it looks a bit funny when a grown-up man crawls clumsily under a table, next to me. He smiles at me with warmth and leans his head carefully against my shoulder.
"Now, tell me what's wrong. And I promise, I won't tell anyone. I will also not laugh or get angry. The matter is serious to you and it will stay between us. Tell me your secret and I will help you."

Notes

Finally back in business and I'll be posting hopefully more in the future~~
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Teaser for chapter 12