When the Snow Falls
001
Yongguk walked into his apartment, sighing heavily. It had been a long day and all he wanted to do was collapse on his bed. His boss had been on his back all day, despite his boss knowing that he had lost someone close to him. What his boss didn't understand was that he hadn't just lost a friend, but someone who owned his heart. Himchan had been everything to him, and a part of Yongguk had died with him. He could only show his true grief at home, where he knew his cousin was going through the same loss. Himchan had been like a second father to Junhong, where Yongguk was his first. This was hard on them both.
As soon as he stepped into the house, he heard hard rock music coming from one of the bedrooms. He knew from that alone that Junhong was depressed and angry. He would normally listen to rap driven songs, rapping along with it. This was different, because it was a way that he could simply zone out and void himself of any emotions.
Frowning, Yongguk made his way to Junhong's bedroom and knocked on the door. When he didn't get an answer, he turned the doorknob, pushing it open. He saw the tall teenager sitting on his bed, staring at the floor. He was zoned out, just as Yongguk knew he would be.
Yongguk started to step over to him, but Junhong shook his head at him, motioning toward the door. He obviously didn't want to talk, and Yongguk wasn't going to push anything. "I'm ordering pizza if you want any, okay?" He smiled when Junhong nodded. It was a start, at least. The teen glanced at him, then the door, signalling that he wasn't in the mood to talk. Yonnguk sighed again, walking out of the room and closing the door. He felt a stabbing pain in his chest that had been re-occuring for the last six weeks. Things weren't getting any better for either of them. This was coming on the anniversary.
He felt the pain that was still in his chest, taking a deep breath as he ordered pizza. They needed to eat, even if neither of them seemed to want to face the fact that Himchan was dead and wouldn't ever be coming back. Things were still awkward between them.
Once the pizza arrived, they turned on the tv to distract from their pain. One of their favorite shows was on, so they laughed and talked about it. It was something good to distract them from the hell that had been surrounding them since Himchan's death.
After watching the show, Junhong excused himself to go back to his homework. When he was leaving, he turned and smiled at Yongguk. It was nice to see."Goodnight, hyung. I love you."
Yongguk smiled back at him, turning off the tv. "I love you, too. Goodnight." As soon as Junhong was gone, he picked up the pizza box and threw it in the trash. It was only 9:00, but he was ready to go to bed. When he walked into his bedroom, he glanced at the empty side of the bed. Himchan's place. He had placed a body pillow in his place, taking comfort in feeling something else against him in the bed. Lying down, he leaned into the pillow, feeling his depression returning. This would be a long night.
The next few days slipped by as usual, and Yongguk slipped into his regular rutein of going to work, spending time with Junhong and going to bed early. Things started to become less painful, and he felt as if he would be able to move on. However, one evening, he saw the weather forecast and this darkened his mood. It was going to snow.
Shaking his head, he walked outside and stared at their small yard. It had been a year since the last snow, and that had been the time when Himchan had died. This would be the first anniversary of his death.
Yongguk tried to push his emotions away, but when it began to snow, his depression crashed down on him. Each snowflake was like a heavy blanket pressing his down.
When Junhong got home, he smiled at Yongguk, searching his face. "Hey...I think we should pay a visit to the cemetary," Yongguk could see the tears in the young man's eyes as he spoke, but he knew this would be good for them both. "I thik it'll be good for both of us."
"Okay," The man nodded, taking a deep breath. The snow was now falling steadily, but he knew it was time. They hadn't gone to the cemetary since Himchan's death, and they needed this.
The drive to the cemetary was quiet, each of them caught up in their own thoughts.
When they pulled up, Yongguk leaned over and hugged his cousin. He noticed that
Junhong was as stiff as a board, and he knew that it was from trying to keep his emotions in check. Putting up a wall.
They got out of the car, seeing that the snow had begun to subside a bit. When they got to Himchan's grave, each of them took their time alone placing flowers and talking.
Both of them cried taking comfort in the other's presence. Junhong lightened the mood by talking about amusing and memorable times with Himchan. He brought up the point that they still had one another, at the very least.
Yongguk sat on the snow, staring at Himchan's grave, noticing that Junhong had gone back to the car. He was engrossed in memories, not wanting to ever leave, when he heard the snow crunch behind him.
“You know...Moving on is like getting out of mud you’re stuck in. If you stay in one place and don’t TRY to get out of it, you’ll only sink deeper. At that point, you’ll need someone to pull you out, but if you’re too deeply buried, you’ll end up pulling the other person in with you. I don’t know if I’d be strong enough to pull you out. You have to help yourself, too.”
Junhong's deep words hit home with Yongguk, and he realized that it was true. He hadn't really been moving forward, but simply staying in one place, dwelling on the past. "How do you manage to say this right things at the right time, Junhung? You're right. It's time to start moving forward."
Junghong smiled at him quietly, touching him lightly on the shoulder. "We should probably get home soon. This weather is supposed to be terrible."
Yonguk smiled at him, then turned to the granite headstone. He brushed some of the snow off, placing a single white rose on the headstone. "Goodbye, my love. Sleep well. I love you with all of my heart." The words cut straight to his heart, but he knew this would begin to heal him.
As he started to walk back to the car, he saw something he didn’t expect: a white flower emerging from the snow. Bending down, he touched it, feeling tears stinging his eyes again. It seemed to be a message directed straight at him. “Stay strong, little flower. You can make it through this bitter Winter.” A tear slipped down his cheek, and he dashed it away before it could freeze. He would be okay and so would Junhong.There was hope for a fresh start and good memories locked in his heart.
As soon as he stepped into the house, he heard hard rock music coming from one of the bedrooms. He knew from that alone that Junhong was depressed and angry. He would normally listen to rap driven songs, rapping along with it. This was different, because it was a way that he could simply zone out and void himself of any emotions.
Frowning, Yongguk made his way to Junhong's bedroom and knocked on the door. When he didn't get an answer, he turned the doorknob, pushing it open. He saw the tall teenager sitting on his bed, staring at the floor. He was zoned out, just as Yongguk knew he would be.
Yongguk started to step over to him, but Junhong shook his head at him, motioning toward the door. He obviously didn't want to talk, and Yongguk wasn't going to push anything. "I'm ordering pizza if you want any, okay?" He smiled when Junhong nodded. It was a start, at least. The teen glanced at him, then the door, signalling that he wasn't in the mood to talk. Yonnguk sighed again, walking out of the room and closing the door. He felt a stabbing pain in his chest that had been re-occuring for the last six weeks. Things weren't getting any better for either of them. This was coming on the anniversary.
He felt the pain that was still in his chest, taking a deep breath as he ordered pizza. They needed to eat, even if neither of them seemed to want to face the fact that Himchan was dead and wouldn't ever be coming back. Things were still awkward between them.
Once the pizza arrived, they turned on the tv to distract from their pain. One of their favorite shows was on, so they laughed and talked about it. It was something good to distract them from the hell that had been surrounding them since Himchan's death.
After watching the show, Junhong excused himself to go back to his homework. When he was leaving, he turned and smiled at Yongguk. It was nice to see."Goodnight, hyung. I love you."
Yongguk smiled back at him, turning off the tv. "I love you, too. Goodnight." As soon as Junhong was gone, he picked up the pizza box and threw it in the trash. It was only 9:00, but he was ready to go to bed. When he walked into his bedroom, he glanced at the empty side of the bed. Himchan's place. He had placed a body pillow in his place, taking comfort in feeling something else against him in the bed. Lying down, he leaned into the pillow, feeling his depression returning. This would be a long night.
The next few days slipped by as usual, and Yongguk slipped into his regular rutein of going to work, spending time with Junhong and going to bed early. Things started to become less painful, and he felt as if he would be able to move on. However, one evening, he saw the weather forecast and this darkened his mood. It was going to snow.
Shaking his head, he walked outside and stared at their small yard. It had been a year since the last snow, and that had been the time when Himchan had died. This would be the first anniversary of his death.
Yongguk tried to push his emotions away, but when it began to snow, his depression crashed down on him. Each snowflake was like a heavy blanket pressing his down.
When Junhong got home, he smiled at Yongguk, searching his face. "Hey...I think we should pay a visit to the cemetary," Yongguk could see the tears in the young man's eyes as he spoke, but he knew this would be good for them both. "I thik it'll be good for both of us."
"Okay," The man nodded, taking a deep breath. The snow was now falling steadily, but he knew it was time. They hadn't gone to the cemetary since Himchan's death, and they needed this.
The drive to the cemetary was quiet, each of them caught up in their own thoughts.
When they pulled up, Yongguk leaned over and hugged his cousin. He noticed that
Junhong was as stiff as a board, and he knew that it was from trying to keep his emotions in check. Putting up a wall.
They got out of the car, seeing that the snow had begun to subside a bit. When they got to Himchan's grave, each of them took their time alone placing flowers and talking.
Both of them cried taking comfort in the other's presence. Junhong lightened the mood by talking about amusing and memorable times with Himchan. He brought up the point that they still had one another, at the very least.
Yongguk sat on the snow, staring at Himchan's grave, noticing that Junhong had gone back to the car. He was engrossed in memories, not wanting to ever leave, when he heard the snow crunch behind him.
“You know...Moving on is like getting out of mud you’re stuck in. If you stay in one place and don’t TRY to get out of it, you’ll only sink deeper. At that point, you’ll need someone to pull you out, but if you’re too deeply buried, you’ll end up pulling the other person in with you. I don’t know if I’d be strong enough to pull you out. You have to help yourself, too.”
Junhong's deep words hit home with Yongguk, and he realized that it was true. He hadn't really been moving forward, but simply staying in one place, dwelling on the past. "How do you manage to say this right things at the right time, Junhung? You're right. It's time to start moving forward."
Junghong smiled at him quietly, touching him lightly on the shoulder. "We should probably get home soon. This weather is supposed to be terrible."
Yonguk smiled at him, then turned to the granite headstone. He brushed some of the snow off, placing a single white rose on the headstone. "Goodbye, my love. Sleep well. I love you with all of my heart." The words cut straight to his heart, but he knew this would begin to heal him.
As he started to walk back to the car, he saw something he didn’t expect: a white flower emerging from the snow. Bending down, he touched it, feeling tears stinging his eyes again. It seemed to be a message directed straight at him. “Stay strong, little flower. You can make it through this bitter Winter.” A tear slipped down his cheek, and he dashed it away before it could freeze. He would be okay and so would Junhong.There was hope for a fresh start and good memories locked in his heart.
