“You can't force love, I realized. It's there or it isn't. If it's not there, you've got to be able to admit it. If it is there, you've got to do whatever it takes to protect the ones you love." A quote, I always seem to keep in mind. But, I never seemed to be able to do.

Ever since the day I was born, on that stormy day, my own existence was considered bad luck. To everyone, especially to my dad. My, dad, a drunkard who cursed at me, my siblings, and even my mother. My sweet mother who always seemed to comfort me.

When I was three, I saw my own little brother...murdered right before my eyes. The hands who killed my one year old brother, was my father. The mad, abusive father of mine. After the death of my little brother, my dad was taken to an asylum, so he couldn't hurt us any more. Yet, it was just the start to more pain, not less.

I loved my mother dearly. I trusted her and deeply believed her. Until, one day, when I was five, on a dark and foggy morning, she got up earlier than the usual.

"Mamma, mamma! Where're you going?"

"Chul! What are you doing up so early, sweetie?"

"I heard you open the door when I woke up! You'd wake up so early, than you usually do, mamma!"

"Isn't that so..., honey, can you promise me something?"

"Yes! Because I love you!"

"Really...you do don't you?"

"Yeah!"

"Well...well can you promise me that will be a good, strong girl for me, no matter what happens?"

"Yeah!"

"I might not be home for a long time, today."

"For a long time?"

"Yes."

"Don't you worry about anything! I will protect my little sister and the house while you're gone!"

"…"

"Have a safe trip! And, come back home!"

But she never did come back home.The expression on her face looked tired and scared. I didn't realize it at the time but now I realized she was trying to leave us, her family. She abandoned me. She only cared about her own well being. She had also thought I was bad luck.Yet I didn't blame her. I couldn't even forgive myself.

My little sister, at the age three, was a bit bossy but was very funny. Ever since, my mother left us, I grew very close with her. She became my replace mother, even though I was older. I was a little troublemaker, and she always seem to watch out for me. But, we loved to tease and play with each other. Yet, that didn't last for long.

"You can't catch me!"

"Chul! Stop it! You're no fair! C'mon, I only turned five, and you're seven!"

"So what, I won the coin toss, it only fair that way!"

"Chul! Don't run in the road! You'll get hurt!"

"Don't try playing tricks on me! I know better!"

Yet, I should of listen to her, because I was going to run into a car. And, that car didn't see me at all. But, to my surprise, I didn't get hurt. My sister pushed me out of the way, and was instead hit.

"Claire?...CLAIREEE!! NO! Please open your eyes! No, no, no, NO!!"

With tears in my eyes, I screamed and yelled as the ambulance took away my sister, my only friend. The adults there asked about what happened, and where my parents, but my lips didn't open. Tired from everything that had happened to me. Betrayal and death. I couldn't trust no one, or love anyone no more.

Yet, a quote that fits me more is, "I'm complicated, sentimental, lovable, honest, loyal, decent, generous, likable, and lonely. My personality is not split; it's shredded."

Notes

Yeah, finally started it! Enjoy!~