Stay With Me

This voice was completely wrong. It had to belong to someone else. Not the person who held me in his arms and pulled me from my nightmares and certainly not the one who I was willing to give all of myself to just an hour ago. No, this absolutely couldn’t be happening.

“Are you? Yes or no.”

“No.”

“Did you tell him that?”

I felt my knees start to give out, anxiously digging through my memories of the last conversations with Eric as I stumbled to sit on the bed. “I.. sort of..”

“Sort of?”

Words Jenna. Use them. “Jimin.. we broke up, I’m not with him anymore. Where is all this coming from?”

Silence.

I tugged the band out of my hair and tore my fingers through it, my heart racing. “Jimin? Were you in my phone?”

“He said he loves you.”

No. No. No. This couldn’t be happening. “I… I don’t.. I don’t know why…” My fingers gripped my comforter – steadying myself as my tongue tried to fight through the curse of my inability to put words to my feelings. Fear and frustration seemed to overcome me, along with an obvious panic attack.

“Is this what you wanted to tell me tonight? That you couldn’t wait to tell me over the phone?”

“No! Jimin… Jimin, please.”

“Look, let’s talk tomorrow okay? I’m too pissed off to think straight right now.”

“Jimin?! Jimin please! I..” Desperation and fear flooded through me as I looked to the phone and urgently brought it back to my ear. There was no sound. He was gone.

I closed my eyes as tears stung my vision, clutching my chest. This time there was no goodbye, he was just gone – just like everyone else. The memories of the day and my happy moments seemed to be so distant and they had only just happened. I couldn’t allow it, I wouldn’t. I tried to steady my shaking hands as I dialed my own number.

“I just got you.. please..” I whispered desperately as I waited for the sound that would signify a connection to the person who had my heart in his hands.

“You have reached, eight – five” I hung up the phone, tossing it to my bed.

It would be so easy to allow myself to sink into the fears that always seemed to lap against my ankles – the oceans that I used to live in where I was always paralyzed by loss. However among all of those losses there was one big difference right now, Jimin wasn’t dead and I wasn’t going to America tomorrow. He was here, under the same sky as me – and even if he didn’t want to see me, even if he wouldn’t listen to a word I would try to force out of my stupid mouth I refused not to fight. I needed him to know, I needed to tell him everything he meant to me even in this short week of him coming into my fucked up existence – and that was something that couldn’t wait until tomorrow.

I shut off my light and closed my door with shaking hands as I looked for traces of my Father from the hallway. Yellow light pooled from the doorway of his office onto the carpet and I knew that I could count on him being there for the majority of the night. It was the first time I could remember not silently hoping he’d come out to find me in my entire life.

The pounding of my heart echoed throughout my entire body as I crept down the stairs to the front door – slipping outside into the dark night. Ever so carefully and with still trembling hands I pulled the door closed, holding my breath when I heard the click of the lock. When I was sure no footsteps were coming toward me, I made my own on the pavement – running with every ounce of strength I had down the street.

I wasn’t sure if I could remember how to get to the dorm, what I would say when I showed up – or even if they would let me in. All of the rational questions that clawed at my will to get to him had no strength to tear at my desperation.

Please, Jimin. Just understand me like you did before. Please don’t go away too.

-

He knew he had done this to himself, of course he had. He shouldn’t have read those messages and there could still possibly be some sort of explanation – but when it came down to it, jealousy was Jimins biggest downfall. It impaired him at points that he didn’t ever need to mention because it was an unspoken fact to everyone around him.

When it came to the matter of experience he could only count his small, meaningless relationships on one hand. It was just Jenna, this girl; this stupid, crazy, American girl that was the very first to pull at every bit of his heart to the point of taking it with her wherever she went– and even though she had more justifiable cause to fear the unknown future of whatever it was they were, he had his own. Each of those reasons just tumbled out into the phone and attacked the person he wanted nothing more than to protect.

Anger flooded through him and collected in pools of inward rage all the way down to his hands as walked out into the hallway. His clenched fist almost came in contact with the wall but he leaned back quickly to swing at the air, not just pissed at this Eric guy or his own stupid insecurities, but the fact that he probably just epically fucked up everything he had just tried so hard to accomplish with this girl who allowed him into her guarded fortress of a life. He couldn’t even ask why she didn’t just spit out an explanation; he hadn’t allowed her too.

Pulling his earbuds from his pocket he shoved the connector into his phone as he headed for the door. If he didn’t leave now there would be no dorm left, and he couldn’t even tell anyone – because no one would even know or understand the fact that he had probably just lost his heart, as well as his mind.

The cool breeze did little to alleviate his heated skin as he turned the corner, thumbing over the songs on his playlist with no real idea as to what he could possibly use to take his mind off his situation. Even Taeyang had nothing, and that was always his go to for everything.

The sound of footsteps ahead took his attention for just a moment, but it wasn’t until the sound got closer did he find himself squinting into the night for its source. This person was running, pounding against the pavement in his direction – and they had more hair than someone could possibly know what to do with. Her hair.

Frustration seemed to turn to need in just a matter of seconds as the recognition of her overcame him and his legs reacted before his brain could completely register what was happening. Was this real? Could she really be here even after what he had done? The thought made him slow, but as soon as the street light cast over her ivory features – his pace picked up again.

She wasn’t slowing down, and he wasn’t sure if she even saw him – but as soon as his arms were open she knocked into him with as much force as a wrecking ball, arms tight around his neck. “Jenna? What the hell are you doing here?”

Her entire body was shaking as she sobbed into his neck. “Jimin..I.. I’m so sorry. I.. I needed..”
If he hadn’t felt like the biggest fucking dick on the planet, he wanted nothing more now than to kick his own ass. He ran his hand over the back of her head as he held her close. “Shhh.. it’s okay. Just breathe.”

“No! No.. I need to tell you, I need you to listen to me.. Please..”

She was pushing away from his chest and he was fighting to keep her close. “I was a jerk, it’s my fault Jenna.. you don’t hav..”

“No! PLEASE JUST LISTEN!”

Jimin released his hold as the trembling girl tried to stand before him, wiping away at her tears. He wasn’t sure if she would even be able to stand upright, and hatred toward himself overwhelmed him as he fought against his instincts to hold her and give her the space she needed to breathe.

“I.. I’m not good, with words. And.. I couldn’t even, I couldn’t even tell my own mother that I.. loved her. And now, I.. “ She hiccuped on her tears, turning away from him.

“Jenna.. please, just let me.” He took a step forward.

She held out a hand and he paused, refusing to look at him. “I don’t know Jimin. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but ever since I was little I couldn’t tell the important people in my life what they meant to me. Even when they were dying, even when they needed it to the point of suicide. I’m a lost cause. I accepted that, I knew that I was broken and that there was nothing on the fucking planet that would ever fix me. And then, then you happened.”

His heart wasn’t just broken, it was now shattered into a thousand pieces. Tears stung his own eyes as he closed in the small space between them, standing behind her close enough to feel the heat of her quivering body against his chest.

“When they left me I knew that they would never know that I loved them, that I would never have another chance to tell them everything they wanted so desperately to hear. I couldn’t even imagine ever loving another person enough to have to say the words that were never in my dictionary. Do you know that I don’t sleep? Every single dream is the nightmare of finding my Mom’s body, begging her to come back. It’s always the same, like clockwork – but you, you were there Jimin. One night you just showed up and you were there with me. Holding me. Not letting me be alone. And just like that dream everywhere I turned you were there – making feelings I didn’t even think I was capable of having rush through all of me at once and, I can’t.. I can’t just not tell you.. you have to know… I have to tell you..”

There was absolutely no way of holding himself back any longer, not one possible way. Turning her to him, he took her face in his hands and wiped away the streams of tears that poured from her eyes with his thumbs. “You just did.”

She still wouldn’t meet his eyes and Jimin felt tears slowly spill down his own face.

“Eric and I… It’s nothing..”

“Please, Jenna please just look at me.”

He wasn’t sure she would, but soon she lifted her face. The windswept color of her cheeks were stained with tears and the sight caused his own to spill a bit faster as he tried to speak through what could have been gravel in his throat. “I will never, ever do that to do you again. I don’t deserve everything you’ve given me – but I will do everything I can to make sure that you never have to feel like you do right now.”

First one drop, and the another fell from the midnight sky above them. Both sets of eyes turned upward as the onslaught of rain started to pour from the darkness. Taking her hand in his, he turned and started down the sidewalk in a slow silent run towards her house.

When they had finally reached her driveway, Jimin followed her up to the door – completely drenched in not only rain, but in the painful realization that he’d soon have to leave her for the night. The thought of separation literally shook him to the core and even though she hadn’t spoken after his apology, she hadn’t released his hand as she opened her front door.

It didn’t even have to be spoken, it was just a mutual complete understanding between them. Regardless of her father being there, regardless of his unknowing members back at the dorm who were sure to notice his absence by morning – there could be no goodbye tonight, if ever – they had passed the point of no return.

There was no hesitation as she walked through the dark house with him close behind her. There was no one there waiting for her expectantly in the living room demanding answers as to where she had gone and come back soaked to the bone in rain. The house loomed with an emptiness that heightened his painful knowledge that she was always alone, even with another person sleeping soundlessly in their home. He was powerless to bring back everything she had lost, but Jimin decided now more than ever that he’d make sure there would always be one person she’d never have to fear losing again. That person was him – no matter what that meant.

They were standing in the darkness of her room, neither one moving an inch as the water dripped from their clothing to disappear into the carpet. Even though the rain poured heavy on the roof above them he could hear each intake and release of his breath as he watched her standing there, back to him, her hand still holding tightly to his own.

“Please,” She whispered. “Stay with me.”

It only took two steps to close the distance between them. Jimin moved to stand in front of her, still not speaking a word as he let his fingertips brush over the wet skin of her cheek. Leaning in slowly, he pressed a soft kiss to her lips – first one, and then another as his heart started to beat the familiar rhythm only she could produce.

The cool touch of her of hands on his skin sent a slow rush of breath past his lips as she took the wet cloth of his shirt and carefully lifted it over his waist, peeling it up and over his head to drop it on the floor by their feet. Hesitantly he brought his hands to her sides, looking over her face and waiting until she met his eyes before he went any further. Her arms slowly went above her head and Jimin felt his own hands tremble as he kept her gaze, lifting the hem of her shirt to remove the fabric from her body.

Her rain kissed skin was illuminated by a soft glow of white from the nightlight she had on her wall, and Jimin found himself struck by a beauty he never thought could exist. As he traced the resonating droplets of rain from her shoulders he allowed the trial of his fingertips to slip over her arms, then to her bare waist.

In a tentative movement, he watched as she untethered the button of his jeans to push them carefully off from around his hips – the weight of the water still soaked into its cloth aided them down his legs. Taking her face in his hands he kissed her gently before resting his forehead against hers, unbuttoning her jeans and slipping his fingertips past its band to push them down her sides.

There was nothing but the sound of his heart beating, mixed with the echoed breaths of their uncertainty and the overwhelming need for closeness in the music of the rain. He pulled her closer, sliding his hands over the skin of her lower back – holding her to allow every part of himself to memorize the feeling of her against him.

As her arms wrapped around his neck his lips sought hers in soft kisses, each one slowly increasing its pressure until his lips nudged hers apart as they had each kiss before. The warmth of her licked at the flames of slow burning fire inside in his stomach and the muscles there constricted in desire. Pushing her hair away from her back, he pulled at the clasps of her bra until they unhooked and soon there was nothing but two garments that separated their bareness.

Leading her carefully backwards while he continued the slow motion of his lips on hers, his hands moved down over her backside to lift her against him while he knelt his way onto the mattress then laid her down underneath him – settling his body onto hers.

Time had no measure in this moment. The world and its problems may have still spun around on its axis but its pressures couldn’t infiltrate the four walls of this place that was theirs and only theirs. Every touch, every sound and every movement she made was more beautiful than any score of music or masterpiece painted by the most renowned of artists. Soon there was nothing between them and he found himself lost in the magic of her as his fingers laced into hers above her head.

“Jenna..” He whispered, parting just an inch from her lips as looked over her face then into her eyes. “Are you sure…”

She took his face in her hand, and as his heart picked up its already frenzied speed she smiled softly and it glistened through her eyes.

“I love you, Jimin.”

The breath he was holding slowly escaped past his swollen lips as he kissed her forehead, her cheek and then her lips. “I love you.” He whispered against her. “I love you so much.”

Her fingers tightened their hold on his own as he took the last step in their motion to become one.

-

The soft light of dawn poured through the rain kissed glass of her window to spread over her being like a blanket. He wasn’t sure how long he had been awake, but he was content to stay like this for hours – tracing soft patterns across her bare back through the curtain of her hair.

Every curve and dip of her body he took to memory with both site and touch, but as she slept peacefully beside him – he wished more than anything he had the ability to be with her in her dreams. As he swept his fingertips over her forehead and down the slope of her cheek, he watched for movements signifying pain that he could kiss away. It was the one place he couldn’t follow her, even though she had assured him the night before he was already there. Yet to his utmost relief, there was no sign of nightmares behind the ivory skin of her eyelids.

The flutter of her eyelashes gave wake to reveal her gentle green stare and the warmth of it cause the corners of his mouth pull upwards in a soft smile that soon matched her own. Brushing the wisps of hair from her cheek, he pressed a soft kiss to the space between her brows and then to her lips as she moved to close in the fraction of space between them.

Pulling her gently to rest against him, their feel of her weight settling against the curve of his chest that seemed designed just for this purpose was nothing short of blissful. Massaging the muscles of her lower back and up to her shoulder blades, he let out a low sigh of contentment as her lips pressed kisses as soft as butterfly wings over his cheek down to his neck.

The sound of his phone vibrating through the mass of clothes on the floor caused them both to take a pause to spare a glance at the world as it tried to push its harshness back into the perfect picture of their moment. His eyes moved back to watch as a small furrow formed on her forehead – the replica of his own thoughts. Jimin lifted his hand to gently cup her cheek, bringing her eyes back to his. “Let it ring..”

“Jimin..”

He leaned up on his elbow, using his lips to silence the worry he could feel start to sink into her small frame. Just a few more minutes, just a few more moments before he’d have to share himself with the rest of the world so he could spent time with his.

Turning both of their bodies so she was on her back, be pulled the blankets that pooled around their waists above his head to cover both of them completely in another small attempt to block out the sound of reality. Letting his lips trail down over her neck, down her chest and back up again – the smile she wore was more beautiful than he could put into words. Lacing their fingers together above her head, he kissed that smile he had yearned to see what felt like years ago over and over again until the ring of her soft laugh rang like a peal of bells.

The feel of soft paws climbing over his back made him pause against her lips as they both watched the indentation of tiny furry bottom take rest by their shoulders – automatically increasing the sound of her laughter and bringing life to his own.

“Jenna? I’m headed to the office.”

The laughter stopped immediately as she grabbed the blanket and ripped it back from over their heads, causing a quick yelp to come from the smaller of the two intruders. Putting her hand over Jimins mouth, she looked to the door. “Okay Dad, I’ll see you later.”

“Are you coming to the shoot today?” She looked at Jimin who nodded against her hand as it still covered his half of his face.

“Yeah Dad, I’m not dressed so text me the address and I’ll see you there.”

“Okay, see you then.”

They both listened through the pounding of their heart beats as his footsteps made their way to the front door. It wasn’t until the purr of an engine sounded off from the driveway did both of them fall back to the mattress, a tangle of nervous laughter and sighs of relief.

The phone on the floor continued to vibrate relentlessly – and Jenna took Jimins face in her hands to kiss him softly before letting him go. “You should…” She didn’t finish.

He sighed, pressing a few more kisses to her lips before forcing himself up off the bed to dig in the still damp clothing for his phone. Not taking his eyes off her as he swiped his finger over the screen, he watched as she pulled the blanket from the bed to cover herself as she went to her closet.

“Hello?”

“I swear! You want me to die! You were brought to this earth to punish me for sins of past lives!”

Jimin crept up behind her and playfully pulled the blanket from her as she gasped, trying to pull it back.

“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” He smirked as he continued his small game of tug of war, finally winning regardless of the three pound fuzz ball yipping as he joined in on Jimins fun.

“You’d better! Where are you? Your bed hasn’t been touched!”

The voice of his red sweaty faced manager almost threatened to take his attention away from her body, almost.

“I made it and went for a run, I’ll meet you guys there.” He smirked as he stepped over the dog, giving his hand the luxury of one last sweep over her bare stomach as she brought her shirt over her head.

“Twenty minutes Jimin! Not twenty five, or twenty one – twen-“ Jimin hung up the phone and tossed it to her bed, doing his best to make the rest of her dressing process a tad bit more difficult.

She spun around to face him, pulling her hair out from the cloth of her shirt before standing on her tip toes to plant a kiss to his lips. “Was that Mr. Kim?”

“The one and only.” He smiled, kissing her again.

“Is he angry?”

“When is the man not angry?” He pulled her against him as he continued to assault of kisses over her neck.

“He looks like he’s going to have a heart attack at any moment on a good day, you should probably get there before you’re in need of a new manager.” She tried to step away from him and he pouted, bringing her back to his arms.

“Do you always get dressed this fast? Don’t you need to shower? I can help, I’ve helped you before and I was really good at it.”

She laughed, digging into the top drawer of her dresser regardless of him taking every garment from her hand to toss it to the floor. With laughter mixed into a playful dramatic sigh she turned to face him, pursing her lips doing her best to look annoyed.

“You should just let me win, I will anyway.” He smirked, taking a set of her underwear from the draw behind her and spinning it around his finger. “We need to get you better underwear too, there’s nothing fun here.”

Grabbing them from his hand he couldn’t help but laugh as she blew her bangs out of her eyes. “How fast can you shower?”

“I’m the king of speed.”

Laughing she took his hand, pulling him behind her to lead him in his small victory march to her bathroom.

-

“The qu - quickuh, brown… fahhcks rahn..”

“Fox..” She said for the ninety-ninth time.

“Ohhh… uhhhhh….Fahhhcks..”

“Fox..”

Jimin looked into the reflection of the mirror as the makeup artist continued to apply what felt like a pound of foundation on his face at his girlfriend and a red faced Jungkook on the couch behind him. She certainly had patience, they had been going over the same sentence for what felt like hours and it took everything inside him not to go over there and grab his face to help him pronounce the word.

Even though Jimin had very limited patience, it was Jungkook – and the way the blush of his cheeks reached the tip of his ears due to the closeness of a female made him suppress a small laugh. He was too cute to be angry with, if it was anyone else-

“Hey Jenna, you look really nice today.” Jin came into the room, sitting down on the other side of her.

“Hi Jin,” She spared him a small smile and Jimin felt a slow smirk tug at the corners of his mouth as her attention went right back to the stuttering maknae. “The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.”

“The quickuh brown fox jumped oveh the lazy, dog.” He smiled, looking at her completely for probably the first time since they first met.

He couldn’t blame the kid, recently the smile that set Jimins heart on fire had risen to a whole new level of beauty – and in his small, and maybe lacking, success it shined brightly in his direction – causing what was pink on his face to turn into a bright crimson red.

“That was really good Jungkook.” She gave his back a small pat.

Jungkook laughed so nervously Jimin swore he’d slip out of his seat to melt into a pool of jello on the floor, and before he could allow the laugh that built in his chest to escape the motion of Jins arm slipping past her back to pat Jungkook as well caused his fingernails to dig deeply into the arm of his chair.

It was as if she could sense his thoughts as she meet his eyes in the reflection of the mirror. He knew he was being epically stupid – especially after the night they shared together, however regardless of his imperfections she seemed to accept his childish nature as she created a bit more space between her and Jin. He almost wanted to apologize again, he really needed to work on that. The thought had only taken form in his mind for two seconds until Jin continued stretching the already worn elastic band that was Jimins willpower.

“After we should all go get something to eat, do you have any plans?”

“Omo - Jin, your makeup is smudged right there - ,” Jimin made a broad sweeping motion with his hand over his entire face.

Jin looked up and spared a glance at Jimin before looking back to Jenna, running a finger of his cheek. “Is it gone?”

Jenna briefly looked at his face, “I think so, you should take a closer look in the mirror to make sure though. Jungkook, try the next sentence.” She placed the book onto Jungkooks lap as she slid closer to the younger, causing him to gulp as he picked up the book and almost slammed it against his face as he tried to read it.

“Ramen girl is gonna kill Kookie. We kinda need him in the group so..” Yoongi took a seat in the makeup chair next to Jimin as he looked through his phone.

“All done.”

The makeup Nonna had barely finished the word ‘done’ and Jimin was out of his seat, stuffing his hands in his pockets as to hold back the urge to remove Jenna from her seat. “Jenna, have you gone over any English with Yoongi yet?”

She shook her head, peaking over at Yoongi then back to him.

“Jungkook looks like his tongue is about to break off so, you can have this seat.” He turned every inch of frustration into his best show-time smile, pushing the chair closer to his stone faced bandmate.

“You did really good,” She stood, “We’ll practice more next time.”

“N.n.n.next time, nay - comsahmneda” Jungkook gave a deep bow as he passed her the book, holding it above his head.

She looked at the younger with a bit of confusion before taking the book and making her way to the seat next to Yoongi. He didn’t look up from his phone.

“English time.” Jimin took the book from Jennas lap and shoved in front of Yoongis face.

“Yah!” He pulled his earbud from his ear, looking over at Jenna then back to Jimin.

“For Kookies sake.” Jimin threaded his fingers together, scrunching up his face as he begged.

“Oi, Ramen girl, I like Jjajangmyeon ok? So no funny business like with the rest of them.”

Jimin couldn’t help but pinch his Hyungs cheeks with an over-abundance of pure glee as the make-up Nonna swatted at his hands.

“Off to hair, all three of you!”

Jimin was sure to catch Jennas eyes as he followed his members toward the exit, blowing a quick kiss when he was sure no one else was watching. It wasn’t until he saw her blush behind a soft smile that he forced his feet to take him the rest of the way out the door.

Notes