Days Thereafter

Your POV

I walk to the mirror hanging on your wall. I smooth out the front of the black lace dress and look in the mirror and closely inspect the bags underneath my eyes. Even heavy duty concealer can’t fix this mess. Sitting on a plane for an entire day was the best part so far. No one stared at me wondering if I was okay. Everyone knew I wasn’t okay but they asked anyway. I felt bad seeing J-Hope being sad because of me, that guy really has a big heart.

The thing is, I know I’m not ever going to be okay, but it’s something I have to deal with all by myself. I can’t let Jimin come with me either. The healing has to be done with me and me alone.
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My mom and I sit in the row behind Megan and Connor’s family. I see Connor sitting diagonally from me. I reach out and put my hand on his shoulder. He turns to me and we both share a moment. A moment only a few can really relate to in the same time, grieving over a loved lost one. During the time the pastor comes out and talks about the blessings of God and how she will loved by the greatest one of all, I can’t help but think about our last moments together. Our last hug and how much love we shared with each other during our small reunion. Now I won’t ever be able to see her till I die. We can only meet with tragic circumstances. And I guess that’s what life is about after all.

Finally it’s time for me to talk in front of the whole audience. I walk up to the podium and look at Connor. I look at the screen behind me and see Megan’s beautiful smile shining towards me. It was a picture taken last year, she was so happy during that time.

I don’t think I can do this. I look down at my hands and twist them together; I can feel a familiar heat blur my vision. I can feel the sobs start making their way up my throat , making me shake just the tiniest bit, then more noticeably. I can feel someone touching my arm. The pool of tears stain my face, clearing my vision. It’s Connor.

“You don’t have to do this alone. We can do it together.” He’s smiling through his tears. They drop onto the black lapel of his suit. I smile back and nod at him, then clear my throat and turn towards the audience.
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I talk for about 30 minutes. I talk about when we met, all the stupid fights we had, and the fun times. Connor talks about how their love wasn’t like any others. I think my favorite part of his speech was when he said their love was written in the stars, and like the stars, it will always be the light through the dark times.

Her body was so badly burned her family decided to cremate. I heard they’re planning on spreading her ashes in Paris, a place she always wanted to visit. I feel like there’s nothing left for me anymore. I sit back in my seat and wait for the rest of the procession to continue. Other friends and family continue to leave and reappear, crying and hiccuping all along the way. I refuse to leave. I’m going to stay all the way till the end. I can feel the tears continue to streak my face, making new paths and continually supplying the ones already there till the make their way to my jaw, and fell onto my hands and dress.

I think eulogies are wasted on the dead. It’s the living who need to hear kind words spoken about them. Megan would be bawling and not even know what was happening. She was so empathetic to others and their feelings. She didn't deserve the horrible death she had. No one deserves to die by fire. She was too young, too loved. Why her?

I've been asking myself that question since I first heard it on the news. Why was she the one who got a mix up in the tickets? Why did she board that plane? Why did she die? Why did she leave all her family? Why did she leave me?

After the priest says the ending prayer people stand to leave and come to say their condolences towards Connor and Megan’s parents. I walk over and say my goodbyes as well. Her mom sees me walking up and opens her arms wide, one hand equally stretched, the other clenching a tear stained tissue.

“I’m sorry dear. This is just as much of your loss as ours. I will say I’m a little jealous you were the last one to see her, but she may have wanted it that way. You were both so close, you became a part of our family too, you know that right? I remember the first time you came over-” Hysterical sobbing interrupts the rest of her thoughts.

She clings onto me even harder. I cling to her also, burying my face in her shoulder and letting everything go. I thought I couldn't cry any harder than the first night in the room, but I was wrong. We stand there for a while until I feel a hand on my shoulder. I pull back from her and she gives my cheek a kiss. Then she looks to the right of me.

“Oh, hello, did you know my daughter? Are you a friend?” I sniffle and turn around to see my boyfriend.

“Hello, I am very sorry. I am a friend.” He smiles at me and grabs a hold of my hand.

“This is my boyfriend, Jimin.” I introduce him, then we take our leave. We’re walking down the sidewalk of the church, our hands clinging to each other like glue is between. The chilly wind blows through making a bunch of dead leaves dance on the pavement.

“When did you get here?”

“I came not to long ago, it took a while to track you down, luckily facebook can tell where you are, and the taxi driver was nice enough to help too.” I stop on the sidewalk and make him turn in front of me. I grab his other hand and let it warm my cold one.

“Why did you come? I told you I needed to do this alone.” I speak at the ground. Still holding my hand he lifts my chin up and makes me look at him.

“I told you I would always be here for you, and I meant it. I won’t leave alone to hurt anymore. If you hurt then I hurt too.” His words make the tears pool and blur my vision again. My eyes close and let them slide down my face. His thumbs wipe them away and bring my lips towards his. He gives me a feather kiss, brushing his lips against mine so lightly it tickles a bit. He pulls me towards him. I embrace him and let him take over my senses. I am filled with the scent of him and am instantly comforted.

“Lets go to my house.” I whisper up at him.
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“I am done with all of this, with you and your crazy batshit plans.” Ara took a drag of a cigarette and then blew out a big cloud.

“You’re already in too deep, dear Jin.”

“No, look I thought about this. I didn’t do anything. You were the one who rigged the plane and did that. That was YOU. Not me!” I yelled at her.

“No, I can’t take the credit for this. Yes, I amy have rigged the plane, but I couldn’t have done that without you. You were such a big part of this plan! Look what we’ve achieved so far! Think about what we have left! I bet she’s absolutely broken right now! Isn’t it great, now all we have to do is drive her over the edge, she’ll be so crazy they’ll break up. See? We got the big part out of the way. And it was all thanks to you.”

“I’m going to do something about this.” I stare her down.

“Really? Backless, princess Jin is going to do something? Like what? You pose no threat to me dear. Why do you think I came alone this time?” She laughs, throwing her head back.

“I’m going to tell them everything.” I threaten. She stops and looks at me.
That did it.

“So plan on telling them everything huh?” I look at her disgusting face.

“Okay, and say what? About how you were with me planning everything and caused the death of the foreigner? That we’ve been having secret meetings and having been planning to break them apart?” Her words make me even more mad because it’s true.

It’s what I have to do though. They’re going to hate me after this.

“I don’t care what you say anymore, I’m going to tell them about everything and about you. You deserve worse than what you did to that girl.” I get out of the car before she can say another word.
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Ara watches Jin walk into the building. She can feel the familiar heat bubbling from the depths of her stomach, filling her till she starts to shake with rage.

“Everything I worked for, about to be ruined by a soft son of a bitch that can’t get his shit together.” Angry tears starts to wash the mascara down her cheek.

“He doesn’t even know how much money this took.” She searches through her red bag till she gets her phone out, she dials the only person who she can trust in these times. Her cousin and accomplice Ju Mie.

“We have a problem, and it’s your beloved oppa.”
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I drive Jimin back to my house. No one’s home yet because they’re attending some kind of dinner with other people who went to the funeral. I can’t face all those people. My home is nothing extraordinary. Just a cute 2 story brick house. My room was my favorite place, I had special places to hide no one knew about. And now I can take my favorite person there. I unlock the door and let him inside. He looks around the first floor, looking at every family picture and opening every closet.

“So this is where you grew up huh?” I just lean against the wall by the stairs and wait for him to finish looking around.

“Do you want to see my room?” He puts down a family picture and nods.

We make our way upstairs and to the room all the way at the end of the hall, my sanctuary. I put my hand on the knob and look up at him.

“Are you ready?” He gives me a smile and a nod. I push my door open and step aside for him. He walks around, lightly touching the paintings hanging on my walls, looking at the pictures that border the mirror attached to my dresser. He goes over and touches the familiar blue blanket on my bed.

“So this is you. It’s like being in a time machine.” He plops on my bed, making himself comfortable, laying down propped up on one hand, then patting the space next to him. I walk over to him and sit next to him. He grabs my shoulder and leads me down so that I’m laying next to him.

“How are you, and don’t say fine or okay.” I look at the light streaming down through his light brown hair, then down to his warm brown eyes. I’ve never really appreciated the beautiful golden brown colors of his eyes.

“I feel sad and depressed. I feel like a huge piece of me is gone, because it is. I’m not okay.” I whisper.

I reach up and caress his cheek. He grabs my hand and pulls it lightly around his waist, pulling me to his chest. He wraps both of his arms around me, laying his cheek on my head.

“I’m here for you now. I’m not leaving you alone either. So if that makes you mad, I’m sorry.” I push back from him a bit and look into his eyes.

“I don’t want you to leave. I want you with me, by my side. You can’t leave me even if you wanted to.” He leans down to press his lips into mine. Its slow and sweet. His lips start to go deeper into mine, his hands going from my back down to my thighs. His fingers caress the hem of my dress, then he slips his hand under the hem, stopping at my hip. His fingers skimming the skin. Our breathing becomes more labored and hitched. I grab the collar of his shirt and bring him as close as possible. His mouth trails down to the corner of my lips, then up my jaw. His teeth grazes my ear, then he goes back down to my mouth and kisses me hard.

“I love you.” I blurt. His smile reaches his eyes. He lays back down next to me, pulling me to his chest again.

“I love you too.”

Notes

I know the story is sad and everything, I'm moving along though so not too bad right?