Jejung.
your name feels so dear on the tip of my tongue, j-a-e-j-o-o-n-g, push and curl, then end it with a hint of desire. Jaejoong, kim jaejoong, I can listen to it all day long.
I can't seem to figure out when did we drift apart, since when did our lives stop intersecting and your fate become independent of mine. you are gone, you are the one who left, no, maybe i was wrong from the start, maybe you were never here, maybe you don't even know me, maybe nothing had ever happened. Maybe all these are just my crazy and pathetic delusions. That voice, that look, that scent, the fine lines on your neck, the soft skin behind your ear and that emotion that still suffocates me, maybe they never existed. Maybe all those words and images are just a sick joke. But all those memories, they are so close,so real, and now, at this very moment, I still feel as if i can touch the corner of your eyes and see your pretty features as long as I stretch my arm. My pretty man, it's early in the morning, your sharp jaw line hurts my eyes.
Maybe I am a joke.
Guess what, I've tried so hard to let you go. I deleted your songs, changed my wallpaper and passwords, I had made my mind to move on because it's too painful to be trapped here, in the tangled memories and illusions. I did all I could to erase the traces you made in my life. But I can't. I've fallen into a vicious cycle of self-deception, you pleaded me not to leave, but you know I simply can't go on without you. so why, Jaejoong ah, why are you feeding into my delusion?
Is this what you call love? No my dear, you don't even understand.