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Wanna Love

Final

Your POV I wanna be loved once in my life before I die… You see I’m terminally ill and everyone is for sure I’m going to die, but I want one person to tell me that they want me to live that I will and I have a feeling in my chest it would come true.
I wanted to see the world, but instead I’m being dragged to Hong Kong with my parents for the hundredth time in my life for my mom and dad’s job. That’s not fun sure I’ve been to New York City, San Diego and San Francisco in California, and Phoenix in Arizona. I don’t want to go to Hong Kong.
I want to go somewhere like Italy or France.
Did my parents listen to what I had to say? No, they bluntly ignored me like anything else that comes from my mouth. They claimed they couldn’t do anything I want to do for a while since they are meeting important clients. When I asked them where I wanted to go they claimed I wanted to go to Japan. Ugh, what the heck is wrong my parents? It is not as if my parents care about me or even close to what I have to say. It’s always about work and what they need to do to further their careers.
I look around as we exit the Hong Kong Airport and into the city. In looking around to see that, there is a small group of guys that seem surprised to see each other. It reminds me of my childhood friends that I haven’t seen since I was 10. I shrug off the thoughts that the guys down the way are my friends from my friends. I hold my breathe looking at the ground not wanting to see their faces at hope they would be my friends. It’s been a few years since I’ve seen them or even talked to them so to think of them now makes me even more depressed with the fact that I’m ill.
The doctors told me that I had gone through the treatment and that I should be healthy, but they aren’t sure since they said the treatments may not work. When I get back home they should have the results, but I still have one treatment left and they said I could take care of it here in Hong Kong.
I sigh as I look at my wrist and see that I need to take the painkillers soon since the treatment must be working since I have a little hope and I feel only small bursts of pain once they start wearing off. I know my rate of survival is rising, but if the tumor isn’t small enough I’m supposed to get surgery and I don’t’ want them to cut open my head. Personally I don’t mind the lost of my hair, but my parents find it embarrassing to have a bald daughter so wear a wig whenever I go out with them.
“Sweetheart we’re going to go to our first meeting so you are free to do whatever you want to until dinner. Here’s my card if you need to buy anything.”
I sigh knowing that they expect me to spend a bit with their card since it’s a black card or something. Truthfully I go crazy when they give me their card cause I know I can spend 1,000 dollars (easy put it into American currency) and some times more and they won’t care.
I smile as they walk away from me leaving me in a hotel in China with only a small knowledge of how the heck it speak it, because my parents are crazy and made me learn basic Mandarin.
I sigh when I finally stop near the water’s edge on a safe side of Hong Kong. I see a ferry boat that gives tours or something.
I guess riding that won’t hurt will it.
I happily get on the ferry after buying a ticket. As I lean on the railing as I reach into my small purse to pull out a photo of a small little girl surrounded by 6 smiling boys one of which she was in love with… that I was in love with. On the back of the photo is descriptions of each kid and the little girl I know is me, but the smile she carries on her face as the little boy named Changjo holds her in his arms closer to him than his other friends could ever get away with. I smile as I pull the letter that came with it out of my bag. I had received this a little bit ago when Changjo’s mother heard about me being sick.
I smile as I read her letter,
“To my dear ___, my son’s 1st and only love:
I heard the news from your mother. I hope this picture that was the last one you took with the boys will help cheer you on. Just because your parents are, the way they are doesn’t mean that others are not behind you. I know that I’m behind you and no matter what the boys will be as well especially Changjo who asks how you are doing. I’m sorry that I can’t the two of you together again anytime soon. This was the last picture that the lot of you took together with them and I hope it will give you strength to fight against this. When you get better I’ll tell you a secret… I don’t think I can wait if you don’t ant to know don’t read this… Changjo is still in love with you. He tries to move on, but he can’t look at girls the way he would look at you. I know that you were only 10, 8years ago, but he can’t get you out of his mind. So please get better soon if not for yourself for him.
Sending all the love and support of everyone here in Seoul,
Lee Jiyoung”
I’m surprised by this, but I’m not. I should have written back to her the second I got the letter, but I couldn’t find the words to say to her so instead I sent her a picture of me holding up a sign that said, “I love you,” when I was in the hospital.
I think I’ll actually write back to her tomorrow since I’ve come to accept this, but today is a day for I can pretend nothing is wrong with me.
I hold the photo tenderly in hand hand and notice the boat is about to stop soon.
I smile as I hold the photo up and whisper, “Ya, Changjo you better be waiting for me in Seoul when I get my test results.”
I smile and as I pull my hand down I feel the picture slip between my fingers towards the other ferry that had just come back.
I shout in Mandarin for people to look out, but I don’t think many understood me. I sigh in relief when I reach a guy about my height picking the picture up from the ground.
“Ahh thank goodness I was worried there for a moment,” I say to him in mandarin but he doesn’t acknowledge me.
Is he Japanese or Korean I can’t tell he’s not looking towards me?
I notice that he’s holding the picture as his grip tightens.
“Ya, don’t wreck it,” I shout at him in Korean as I rip the picture from his grip.
I quickly check for damage glad to see only a small bit in the left corner is hurt.
He looks at me and I see eyes that look familiar like ones that I use to stare in as a child.
He looks at me and softly whispers my name.
My head shoots up again from putting the picture in my bag, “What? How do you know my name?”
He smiles as he looks at me and whispers my name again.
“Yeah, that’s my name and what is it to you?’
He smile and I’m quickly wrapped up in his arms as lifts me off the ground into a hug.
“Hey let me go! What the heck? Why are you doing this?”
He sets me down and flashes me an innocent and hurt smile that affects me. The only person I know that has that ability is Changjo.
“Changjo,” I say his name aloud.
He nods his head as he pulls me into an even tighter hug and I start to worry if my wig is on properly.
“What’s wrong? Oh wait have you ran into hyungs at all today?”
I shake my head, “wait you were the group I saw at the airport.”
He looks at me surprised, “why not say hi?”
“I was worried that it wouldn’t be you,” I mumble and he laughs.
“Oh you never change do you? You’re still cute as the day you left.’
I look at him hard not meaning to lose any kind of temper with him, “yeah, like you would know.”
I go to leave when I hear him shout my name and I unconsciously leave.
I turn to look at him as he says, “I know we didn’t’ keep in contact and I know that I didn’t really try to, but I know that I missed you more than that time I missed watching that show en we were kids.”
I laugh as I manage to say, “Oh what was the shows name again that you threw a fit so bad one time that you told me I smelled like rotten eggs?”
He blushes after grimacing as he says, “I don’t recall what the show was. I don’t really recall saying anything like that to you too.”
I smile at him, “Well I don’t hold it against you like I did back then since I was a child. You don’t have to look to upset since I called you something that I don’t remember.”
He nods his head as he smiles, “Oh I think the main thing that you called me was a steaming pile of dog dong.”
I smile as we start walking with each other in no particular direction at least I thought so.
We end up in a small area where there’s a basketball court.
I look to see a blondie, a guy with cornrows, and just a guy that looked like he let a bee sting his lips.
Wait are those, “Daniel, CAP, L.Joe,” I shout the names and the guys look up.
“Changjo we let you go sightseeing and you bring back a girl,” cornrows says to Changjo.
“Wait guys you’ll never believe who this is. Try to guess.”
I look at them and smile like I used too.
None of them seem to get it except I think Daniel, “____-ah is that you?”
I smile at him as I nod my head careful of my wig, “Yeah, it’s me, Daniel.”
He smiles as I’m sweeped up into a hug, “I can’t believe it’s you. It’s been too long.”
I smile as her lets me go and I’m sweeped up into a hug by CAP and LJoe.
“Guys knock it off or else.”
They slowly let me go and I slip behind Changjo since his reaction wasn’t as bad as everyone else’s.
I see the guys chuckling, “Oh so you’re going to hide behind the lover boy.”
“Lover boy?”
“Oh so you haven’t heard have you.”
“Heard what?”
“That Changjo just had yet another break up.”
I feel my heart start to being smashed, “Oh that’s too bad.”
They nod, “Truthfully it’s his fault.”
“Oh why is that?”
“It’s because he won’t even look at them as a girlfriend to him they are just a friend that so happens to be a girl since he’s trying to get over his first love.”
“Oh really… Who would that be?”
Daniel chuckles, “Oh really you haven’t heard from his mother?”
I think back to her letter that I had read earlier today and hold down the blush that I know was coming up, “Oh, I don’ think I have.”
“Oh really to bad.”
Cornrows who I think is CAP, “Are you up for a game like we used to play?”
I smile as I remember playing basketball with them and how they let me do whatever I want since I was a girl.
I nod my head again careful of my wig I notice that CAP had a hat at his side, “Can I borrow that to keep my hair out of my face?”
He looks at it and soon nods his head, “Yeah sure.”
He hands me the hat and I slip it on careful not to move my wig so it won’t move.
As we play a small game where like the old days they are letting Changjo win because I’m on his team. I run and dribble at the best of my knowledge. It’s getting harder and harder as we play since I’m to weak to play for this long. The chemotherapy and the tumor itself push against my brain.
Changjo passes the ball to me and I feel my sight flicker in one eye and the other eye a few seconds later. I feel the ball hit me in the face where I could easily have caught it before. I fall to the ground and pray that my wig stayed in place.
When I have my sight again I slowly open my eyes as I look straight into Changjo’s worried eyes.
He smiles at me as he helps move some hair from my eyes, “Are you alright?”
I shake my head and grimace as I feel the pain radiate from my head to my neck.
“I should take you to the hospital,” I laugh at them as he says, “Do you guys know Mandarin?”
I laugh as I stand up and soon I feel my head become light and look towards Changjo, “Can you support me? I’ll do the talking and hopefully for you guys there will be a doctor that can speak Korean or they have a translater.”
They nod their head and we soon find ourselves in a cab on our way to the hospital.
When we make it I find myself starting to lose my sight again.
I look at the cab driver and say in Mandarin, “Please hurry.”
He looks back at me and I repeat myself again in Mandarin, “Please hurry. I don’t want my friends to know about this now. Please hurry.”
The cab driver looks back at me and I see him nod, “Of course, ‘mam.”
I smile as I nod my head and rest it slightly on Changjo’s shoulder and I watch the guys look between themselves. I think one of them caught what I said.
When we reach the hospital I go up to the desk while the guys stay there and Changjo and CAP support me.
(Next part between nurse and you is in Mandarin)
“Hello, I need to see a doctor.”
“Why would that be ‘mam?”
“I have cancer and my symptoms are getting worse. I was dragged here with my parents. I have a treatment here tomorrow and I was wondering if I could have a room here until tomorrow.”
“What is your name?”
“Han ___,” I tell her calmly.
She types my name then looks up at me, “I should be able to get you a room for tonight, but you may need some tests done to see how bad it has gotten.”
I nod my head knowing she’s right, “I should be able to talk to my doctor about that if you can call him.”
She nods her head and when it’s done she leads me to a room leaving me there for my doctor to find me.
(Alright the doctor knows Korean so he’ll be speaking in Korean)
My doctor, Dr. Lee, walks into the room and smiles at me, but it fades when he sees the boys with me.
“Miss. Han can I ask you why you had come in today?”
“Ahh just not feeling all that great.”
He chuckles as he looks at the boys, “Can you wait in the waiting area I’m going to do an exam?”
They nod their heads and I watch them leave.
“You haven’t told them?”
I nod my head, “They are my friends that I had when I was a child. I ran into them for the first time in eight years.”
He smiles, “That sounds nice, but what brings you here?”
I was playing basketball with them when I suddenly lost my eye sight. I thought you said the tumor shouldn’t be growing any bigger.”
I don’t think that’s a problem, but let’s run some tests to see if we can find anything.
I sigh as they run all kinds of tests like MRI’s and so on. They had me take off my wig in hopes that the guys won’t see
When most of the results are in I sit there and listen to Dr. Lee explain what’s wrong.
“It seems that your tumor has shrunk, but it seems that because of the chemotherapy and where your tumor was placed it is somehow affecting your eye sight. After the tumor is removed you will have to probably go through some tests and maybe if your lucky surgery.”
I feel a tear slip past my eye, “What do you mean?”
“I mean you are more than likely going to lose your eye sight fully in the next few weeks if you’re lucky, but truthfully I think you only have a few days until it gives out on you.”
I groan at the pain and I hold my head in-between my hands, “You mean I’m no longer going to see anymore. That after seeing my friends after so long I will only have at max a few weeks to see them with my own eyes.”
Dr. Lee nods his head, “Yes, I’m sorry to be the one that has to tell you this.”
I shake my head, “No, it’s alright. I forgot that I had gone through so many treatments that losing my eye sight was even on the list.”
He nods his head, “If you would like I could call your friends.”
I nod my head as I wipe away my tears, “Yes, can you. I’d like to spend as much time with them as possible.”
When my four friends walk into the room with a nurse I let up a fake smile.
She waves them in as she asks me in Mandarin, “Will you be alright?”
I nod my head as I answer her, “Yes, I will be if I need anything I’ll ring.”
She smiles as she heads to leave me alone with my curious four friends.
“___ what happened with your hair?”
I put my hands to my head and shrug, “I’m bald, because of my treatment plan.”
“Treatment plan?” Changjo asks me confused.
“I have brain cancer,” I tell them without blinking an eye.
Changjo’s eyes become watery as he looks at me, “Cancer.”
I nod my head and point to my chart, “they have my latest brain scan inside.”
They look at it and look confused until they see the tumor.
Daniel looks at me smiling hopefully, “It looks smaller towards the picture that they use to compare it.”
I nod my head, “Yeah it is, but they are worried if I go through one more chemotherapy than the one I’m supposed to go through with tomorrow.”
“Are you going to be okay?” Changjo asks me.
I watch as the other three leave the room.
When they leave the room I answer him, “No, I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m going to lose my eye sights to my chemotherapy or to the cancer. I’m afraid that I’ll only have a few days left until I can no longer see you or the guys.”
“Oh, ___. I should tell you this before I lose the audacity to tell you.”
“What would that be?”
“That I…”
Before he can tell me whatever he was going to say he goes silent when the guys enter the room again with candy.
“Can you have any of this?”
I nod m head and snatch the sour patch kids, milk duds, and mint juniors.
“Seriously have enough ___.”
I shake my head as I start to eat the candy and Changjo smiles at me as he sets down his reeces pieces down in front of me.
I smile up at him as I start to eat those.
He sits down on my bed and I feel my head start to hurt.
I put a hand to my head as I feel a wave of either nausea or dizziness or maybe a mixture of both. Either way I get a headache from all it.
“Should I call the nurse in?”
I slowly nod my head, “Yeah.”
I reach over to push the nurses call button when I hear my monitors start to trip out.
I wake up in bright light and have a slight heart attack from it. Until I realize that Dr. Lee is standing in front of me with a flashlight in my eyes.
“Hey, Miss. Han how are you feeling?”
“I’m fine, I think but my head hurts.”
“Miss. Han I have some bad news. It seems that your tumor has moved a little bit and closer to where you’re eye sight and a bit closer to where your facial recognition is located.”
“Can it be removed?”
“Yes, we can try to remove it today if you would like.”
I nod my head, “Yes, please I don’t want to forget to connect faces with my friends and family.”
“I’ll have to call your parents,” he tells me and I want to kick and scream but instead I stay silent.
When Dr. Lee comes back, he sighs as he looks at signed paper work, “It seems your parents are what I like to call, horrible parents.”
I nod my head, “I know. So what are the risks before we go through with this?”
He tells me all the risks that I’m taking going through with the surgery, but I don’t car I want to be able to tell who Changjo is and who my parents are terrible parents.
Changjo comes into the room and when he sees me awake he runs up to me, “___, are you feeling better? Why are you crying?”
He reaches over and runs his thumbs under my eyes and I can feel the slickness from my face.
“I have to have surgery… today.”
He looks at me shocked but he simply nods his head and pulls my head into his chest, “____, Don’t you worry I’m here for you. I will make sure that you’re still safe.”
I chuckle as I wrap my arms around him, “this is why I love you, Changjo even when we were kids you always knew how to make me smile again.”
He looks at me shocked but before he can say anything Dr. Lee comes back in and says, “We’re ready for you.”
I nod my head and smile at Changjo, “Wish me good luck.”
He smiles at me, but I know it’s forced, “You don’t need it. I know you’ll make it through it.”
I smile at him as I’m carted off and before I hit the door to the surgery room, “___, I’ll see you when you wake up.”
I feel tears run through my eyes as they cart me away, “Will they be watching?”
Dr. Lee nods his head, “If they want to they can sit up there, but they said they’d rather wait outside since they don’t want their friend Changjo to freak out more than he already has.”
I smile, “He was always like that.”
I look at the glass area to see my parents hold onto each other looking scared.
Dr. Lee goes over everything with me then I hear him tell me to count backwards from ten.
I start as I go back my sight starts to blur, but I know it’s from the sleeping gas.
I watch my parents who look like for once they are worried about me.
I open my eyes to see there’s no light in the room and there’s a slight weight on my arm.
I look over first where the window seems to be to see that’s night time and there’s a full moon which means I’ve been asleep for 6 days,
I look at my other side to see that Changjo is holding onto my hand and he looks peaceful, but he still looks worried.
I look around the room to see my parent’s are asleep in the corner and my other childhood friends are in the other corner by Changjo.
I squeeze his hand and his face evens out all the way into a peaceful sleep.
I watch as his eyes open and I’m staring into his eyes.
“You’re awake or am I dreaming?”
I laugh as I lean over where we are face to face, “I’m not sure in a dream would I hug you, kiss you, or hit you.”
He looks at me surprised, “___?”
“You never told me what you were going to before the guys interrupted us. So what was it you had to say?”
He smiles as he takes my head in his hands, “I love you, too.”
I smile as I lean forward and kiss him on the lips, “Good to hear that, but I already knew that.’
“what from who?”
“Your mother,” I whisper as I kiss him on the cheek, “Changjo will you stay here?”
“Of course,” he whispers in my ear.
I move over and pat my bed, “Can you sleep up here so when I wake up and see the sun I won’t worry.”
He nods as he climbs into the bed and wraps me into his arms without disturbing the wires or tubes hooked up to my body.
I hear him whisper in my ear, “Will you go out with me?”
I turn my head to him with an all teeth smile as I answer, “Yes.”
I feel Changjo by my side when I start to wake up, but I don’t open my eyes.
He plays with my hair that had start to come in and isn’t as long as his yet.
My parents had a problem with me moving in with him just four months ago.
“Changjo stop it I want to sleep a little bit longer,” I whine.
“Too bad you have to get up.”
I chuckle as I pull away and open my eyes looking him straight in his brown eyes, “Changjo how are you okay with people talking badly of us when we walk down the street together?”
He smiles as he rolls over so he’s crouched above me, “Because they don’t see just how beautiful you are just wait until they do, because then it’ll be all envy. To bad for them cause I saw you first.”
I laugh as I reach up taking his face in my hands, “You are so childish at times.”
“Only when it comes to you,” he says.
I roll my eyes as feel his hand touch where they drilled I grimace.
Changjo lifts my head up as he always does moving off me to behind me so he can kiss that exact spot, “I’m not sure why you hate it when I touch here, because to me it’s nothing.”
“Changjo you told me I almost died on the operating table only five months ago and twice when I was asleep for six days.”
He shrugs, “but yet here you are in my arms.”
I look back at him as he once again wraps me in his arms.
“Changjo, I’m glad you’re the only person I’ve ever fallen for.”
“Me too,” he whispers.
“Even if you tried to forget that love?”
He nods his head as he lifts my chin to look him in the eyes, “Yes, but you are the only person that I know I have ever felt like this with.”
He then kisses me on the lips not caring if we’re late for our afternoon classes.

Notes

I wrote this a year ago or so and I never got around to finishing it or typing it. I like how I talk about how vanity isn't everything, but somethings can suddenly turn on you and you start to believe vanity is
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Comments

I hope that you write more stories cuz ur story was nice

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